Markz wrote on 26 Jul 2017 23:24:

I relate only too well. 

New Person wrote on 27 Jul 2017 16:08:

Not a practical solution

My wife's not anywhere near discarding her smartphone which has 0 filtering, and is available to me if I wish
Is it gonna help me to get rid of my own 100% (+-) filtered phone? 

Thank you for sharing.   
I can relateto much of what you are saying.

Would she put monitoring software on her phone so she could see if anything was amiss?  Or just put a password on the phone so you cannot get in?

I'll try answer in a soon to come BB post

So I went to the user page and put a heartfelt prayer for the members on the first page (sorted by Points)

I didn't know what mothers name to use, Cordnoy Ben theoldme (she's the one swerving wildly on the highway), Singularity Ben 7up? Watson Ben Watdaughter? Gibbor Ben Gevura??? But that's a mans name... Is serenity a Mom??

This is all WAAAAAY too confusing

But I still had each of you in mind

I love you all - Let's keep trucking together beH thru 5778

So I'm frustrated with the wife that she's not available - sometimes on Mikva night, and sometimes for a long stretch 

Now I want to explain to all the singles out there how "Pas b'Salo" works

Fellow has hormones. It's natural to  assumes the wife will be available once a week. That one day arrives and without getting hyped up the man assumes it's happening tonight. He may ask wife if she's interested and she may. Comes the evening and "it's not a good time today" so man sweetly turns over and goes to sleep. 
The next few days are all repeat - the man is lust free during daylight hours and sex free in the eve

So I need you all to know

Pas Besalo works

Having bread in the basket can actually be a harder challenge than not.

Having to assume the once a week that tonight the wife wants, add to that her partial agreement to consider, and then her nonchalant 'not tonight' - is a VERY stale pas besalo
Knowing that there's no sex on the cards for the next weeks or month is a easier sal of pas to carry

Disclaimer: I'm writing as a sober non addict (60+ days clean with prior streak of 650 days) If you don't follow this post you are either;
1. Not sober
2. An addict
3. Don't understand my frustration
4. Other

for my understanding - pas bisalo means that you have a piece of bread in your pocket to eat, just in case you'll be hungry.
But if someone can stop you from eating that bread, would it be considered pas bisalo?

you wrote
That one day arrives ......... (for some it's a very scary day.)
some don't even have a day, never mind a night.

doingtshuva wrote on 02 Oct 2017 10:34:

Sorry to hear you still in that boat as you last shared - I really hope things get better for both of you

I hope you're back trucking with us ;-)
btw I edited my last post and you should re-read it

Hatzlacha brother

Markz wrote on 02 Oct 2017 04:02:

Should be with hatzlachah.

In true sobriety, it wouldn't make a difference.

cordnoy wrote on 02 Oct 2017 11:54:

Thanks for the bracha
I don't believe I was truly deep in addiction. Is there no true sobriety hope for me?

Markz wrote on 02 Oct 2017 12:18:

I don't know who's addicted and who's not; truthfully, sometimes I wonder if there's an addiction to this altogether.

I also don't know what true sobriety really means.

What I do know, I think, is that an easier or harder "pas besalo" is all dependent on our mindset, regardless of the length of our abstinence or our "not knowin' when." When one is truly sober (which I am not), he will possess the necessary tools required of him to deal with any life situation thrown at him.

(The concept of "pas besalo" is simply a method or a mindset to help make it easier for some people. It is why it can be easier for a married person; it doesn't mean it will be. And, like you pointed out, bein' married doesn't automatically mean that you have that either.)

Hatzlachah to you and all, and me (my pas has been in the kitchen way too long).

Rabbi Mark!

Yirbi Kemoishcu B'yisrael! The way you described the pas besaloi thingy.. 
I can relate to what you say completely, sometimes it builds up. It's like after 4-5 days, I'm "I hope it happens tonight, I really don't wanna fall tomorrow at work". Then by the time I'm out of the shower she"s past asleep. Things like this can go on for a few days. And then after 8-9 days, I can't help myself and think "what does she expect from me, would she be happy if I fall tomorrow??".
Now that was in the pre gye days. I wonder how flawed this line of thought is in the eyes of a non-addict (couldn't yet determine what I am myself).. You have proposed in the past that addicts and non-addicts may look at things differently. 

Markz wrote on 02 Oct 2017 04:02:

I agree,
thanks for the chizuk.
I would add (after being here a few years) that settings days might make it even harder.

I won't and can't give advice, I'm just doing whats good for me. 
I'm very active, I work, I'm busy, help at home, even though.....  I'm learning to deal with (out) it.
crying blaming isn't going to help, life is short and we got to keep on trucking.

wishing you all a great year.

LoveU,Hashem wrote on 02 Oct 2017 16:23:

I'm not sure it's the best thing for the nation that there should be 'yirbu kemosi'.

As I said I'm referring to a state of porn and masturbation freedom, not needed to be saved from falling at work