Hi guys!

(Please see my share lower down at end of page 1)

I've been wondering if people with weak communication skills as I have are more vulnerable to the lure of pornography (See this link for example), and if unique non-standard steps would be suggested for us to get out of S* addiction.

BH I have a great job, kids…
I also have a good therapist, but have been hesitant to ask about this yet.

I'd love to hear feedback from anyone familiar with the topic. ZemirosShabbos? You mentioned it some time back HERE

Thanks
Mark

What Parents Need to Know
by Dr. Jaime Fleckner Black

"Adolescents and teens with Asperger Syndrome can be more naive than their peers about sexuality and dating. Aspergers syndrome is associated with a number of social challenges, including difficulty developing peer relationships and a limited ability to understand what others are thinking and feeling. By the time most non-Asperger individuals begin navigating the road to a romantic relationship, they have had many experiences interacting with different people in a variety of ways. Though young adults with Aspergers are often immature, they reach puberty and tend to become interested in sex and dating at the same time as their peers. This immaturity places these particular teens at risk for a variety of dangerous outcomes. Parents need to be aware of these risks to prevent their children from engaging in behaviors that could have unfortunate and occasionally devastating consequences.

Individuals with Asperger Syndrome tend to have special interests that are unusual in intensity or focus. It is not uncommon for a child to know as much as a paleontologist about fossils, for example. For teens, sometimes the special interest is a love interest, and the teen may be accused of stalking or harassing. These teens are left feeling hurt and rejected, and they don’t understand why their desire to know everything about another person is seen as creepy. Often they don’t have close friends with whom they can discuss their confused feelings, so they rely on the media to teach them about relationships. Some males turn to pornography for sex education which poses numerous risks. Teens who watch pornography develop unrealistic expectations about relationship progression. When they are with women, they expect them to behave like the women in films. In addition, due to their emotional immaturity, many males with Asperger Syndrome relate more to a younger age group and therefore can be more likely to view websites featuring underage girls. This is particularly troublesome for older teens because viewing such images constitutes child pornography and is a felony. In the past few years, an increasing number of individuals with autism spectrum disorders have been incarcerated for downloading images of underage girls or for chatting with them online.

Girls with Asperger Syndrome have their own challenges as they enter their teen years. Having received little attention from other girls during childhood, they are often flattered to receive male attention as a teen. They may fail to recognize the sexual nature of a boy’s interest. A common characteristic of Asperger Syndrome is difficulty understanding nonverbal communication. Because flirting is so heavily reliant on body language, it is often not recognized by the teen with Asperger Syndrome. Lacking experience and sex education, these females can be susceptible to sexual abuse.

Parents, teachers, and clinicians have critical roles to play in helping boys and girls with Asperger Syndrome learn appropriate sex and dating behaviors. Effective tactics include communicating the factual benefits of appropriate behaviors along with the risks of inappropriate behaviors, monitoring and giving feedback on computer use, and offering realistic relationship models. It is imperative for the safety of children with Asperger Syndrome that they receive sound instruction and structured support rather than learning informally (and inaccurately) from friends and media"

It would seem to me that The Steps would be especially helpful for someone with AS. I say this because The Steps are there to guide the addict back into healthy relationships with himself, his family and social circle, his Creator, and the real world in general.

Hmm 

markz wrote:

My friend markz.
Aspergers do care about relationships, they are not aware of their feelings so they might think they are not interested in relationships,

Any desire or lust could drive an aspergers crazy because they are not aware about how they are being turned up or down, & then they just shoot off in despair

They have poor understanding to themselves which makes their challenges a lot more challenging,

AlexEliezer wrote:

In my opinion aspergers should not use the 12 steps program as a tool to be more self understanding & create healthy relationships, it can make them really confused, & cause them to run into their cave,

They need someone who understands the mind & brain of an aspergers,
and someone who understands sensory integration disorders,

Sensory integration problems might be a big trigger for addicted aspie,
their sensory seeking behaviors are so overwhelming for them, because they are almost unable to understand their sensory urges or needs

Hi GC. I really appreciate your 2 points as they make a lot of sense to someone like me that has researched tons on the topic. I'm still waiting to hear about other solutions to the 12 steps.

markz wrote:


Don't feel sorry to ask personal questions I'm perfectly fine with that,

Anyway I don't think I would be diagnosed as aspergers, but kibalty meraboisey that every person has some aspergers traits,

markz wrote:

So if you started the 12 step program how does it work for you?
I would love to hear that my opinion was totally wrong,

Gettin closer I Hope to get back to you about this soon

Being in touch with my feelings is often difficult, and therefore knowing what's the best solution can be impossible some times. Eg SSA I thought was perhaps relevant to me, but it actually may not be, after a great guy 24 on this forum helped me try get in touch with the feelings.

Apparently I'm a non addict. So yes I started reading on the first step, but am currently not continuing, rather taking protective measures eg the 'good night device' calendar, and posting too much on the forum

All the best

Markz can you please explain what do you mean you are not a SA,
Why did you think before getting the help from 1 of the members here that you were addicted?
מעיקרא מאי קסבר
ולבסוף מאי קסבר

Gettingcloser wrote:


All I can say is המבין יבין.

Listen guys - You know why I chose this blue smiley face truck?

'cos it's a great way to hide my identity.

This looks like an outgoing fellow, and Im not (sorry everyone)

newaction wrote:

NA
That was interesting what you wrote - appreciate it

BH I have made many many friends on the forum - some via PMs and on occasion even with my real name (I almost forgot it)

Made it to 90 Days!!!

It would be unfair for me single out some names, when my appreciation for SO MANY OF YOU GUYS is just... I don't know how to express it - YOU GUYS ARE THE GREATEST!!
As an Aspie I'm not the greatest communicator - sometimes too sharp or too vague, and often say the wrong thing on the forum. I want to ask forgiveness to anyone I may have offended (and I know I have).

Once Upon A Time - Lust:
I had been fighting / struggling with Porn and M* from my teen years age 14 or 15. First with magazines, then more recently with web accessible devices. I was never addicted to chase after this, but my struggle was unbearable. I could never defeat the temptation when it arose

Who cares?
After falls I would feel terrible, or something bad would happen to me / my kid... (Like someone else on this forum experiences too). For a struggler like me the best thing is that bad feeling and the fear of repercussion. Its THE only thing that got me onto gye.com, and I read other people's posts that have mentioned the same. It's what pushes us to try the next tool of the many offered (Pls click on my signature)

Prophecy to fools:
14 months ago October 2014 - The end of Aseres Yemei Tshuva 5775, I was walking to shul and passed a snake on the road that had been driven over by a car (no of course a truck!).
What went through my mind? 10 days is possibly a reflection for the coming year, and this dead snake was signifying that the YH is gonna be dead at the end of the year. I had this premonition, but I didn't have a clue what it was about.
Zoom forward to August 2015 - the end of the year 5775, Three months ago - and it happened. Screeeeeeeecccchhhh YH DEAD!!
I found GYE!!!
No, don't worry, I'm not dead, my YH is alive and kicking, but the struggle is totally under control with the following tools.

Gd knows what's truly going on, but these are the tools I noticed on my ride


1) The Forum
I put this one first because I feel that has been the greatest game changer for me.
My mindset has totally morphed, to view women as people - it's incredible.
Today I heared a cute girl at work laugh. That would have been a turn on previously. Now I heard someone laugh, and I'm happy for them that they don't need to stress the whole day...

And I believe it's because of
1- Reading and thanking Many Many terrific poster's ramblings
2- My posting too much...
Posting 7 or 8 posts a day
I feel a sense of responsibility to share my advice / experience to other posts, and also to keep the humor section fresh (it really pains me that almost no one regularly posts there besides for myself and the צדיק peloni almoni. Is everyone in the bar-ditch-ev?)

2) Restrictions
a- Time: Good nite device calendar
b- YouTube: Only access for work purposes
c- Devices
PC: Web Monitoring program or whitelist, (filtering is irrelevant, as I have overridden every regular filter and perhaps you too).
Mobile Devices: Mobile phone Locked AppStore, and active legitimate apps only (eg no skype and wattsapp. If you ask me to explain why, you'll be risking having to remove them too)

3) Get a Life
a- Exercise twice weekly
b- Keep busy. Being productive in my work, learning a few Jewish words when possible. Spend time with the wife. Posting on the forum. Breathe...
My time management sucks - like a regular aspie. I don't learn, daven at all like I should. I always feel pressured to put overtime into my work... Yeah I hope to discuss this with my therapist (A great one - a woman - not Jewish)

4) Aspie Therapy
I have regular sessions with an Asperger therapist, primarily to help me communicate with 'objects' - other people at work in shul... primarily my 'object' from Venus (my great wife).
I think this may have helped me too, to see 'objects' as people = social awareness etiquette and all the silly neurotypical stuff
For those asking what is Aspergers? Go to this link HERE


ברוב שבח והודאה להקב״ה
I want to repeat again to each and every one of you. First the Gevaldigge administrators, the unassuming Moderators, and all the boarders
Thank you for allowing me in, so I can grow, and for giving me the opportunity to also save at least one other Jewish brother once for one minute.

Hatzlacha to you on your journey

Mark