I am posting - to myself mostly - to say that I am so angry and frustrated at myself for another fall along with self-pity that I let go on for several days. But I am clean for today and recommitted to my abstinence. Life goes on and I will just keep trying. I know I have good tools, literature, forum, chizuk emails, prayers and journaling and so on. This addiction/compulsion for images and mas... has been in my life for decades and letting go is not easy. I CAN do better. G-d helps me. Sometimes I do not help myself. I have been feeling sorry for myself over stress with home, family, and work. I am taking some steps to eliminate at least some of that stress. Thank you to the forum for all who share.

grace4me

Funny I saw the name grace4me, and I was like, hunh, that's a weird name, why wouldn't the Yid have chosen Chen for me (chen is Hebrew for grace... and I guess a chinese last name haha). anyhow from my personal experience, time and time again, what causes me to go into escapism is failing to talk and meeting with my cohorts. writing and praying and doing the stepwork is crucial, but the glue would seem to be meetings.

That being said, to quote Dov the Master, you may not be an addict... maybe you are just a guy who likes ***, hey it feels okay why not. What in your code is the real driver to stop doing this? Just good ol' guilt? or is there some higher spiritual issue.