Hello all,

I am on day 8 of abstinence. Yes I am a lust addict with compulsions toward internet images and mas.... I am in my 50's and have been married or in a committed relationship since age 25. I have had this lust and mas.... "problem" since my teen years. Marriage did not change it. In recent times I was clean for about 9 months but that was my only real success. I slipped up for no good reason, just feeling sorry for myself and allowing the old patterns to return. I generally only last a few days. My self-esteem suffers so much when I am acting out. At least today I feel good about my 8 days of success and making my way on the 90-day wall. Thank you to all who share in the struggle.

signed,

grace4me

Welcome G4M,

Wow, you sound like you're writing my story:
- in my 50's
- married since about the same age
- had this "problem" since about the same age
- marriage did not change it
- etc. etc. etc.

With Hashem's help, after actively joining the GYE community, I am doing great day by day, and feeling hopeful for the future. May you see much success in your journey towards recovery.

Hatzlacha

MT

Welcome G4M.
i'm new here as well

My post now might not give YOU any chizuk but I got some chizuk from yours.
I'm going to be frank, I realized from your post that older doesn't always mean wiser when it comes to addicts. I am about half your age and I realize that if I don't tackle this problem NOW it will just grow with me.
That doesn't mean to say that it's too late, on the contrary, we learn that it doesn't take more than a second of a sincere commitment to really work on this and the results will iy"h be reaped in the not so far future.

Wishing you much hatzlochah here at GYE where age does NOT count.
all the best, we must "keep climbing"

Welcome g4!

I'm so glad you posted so we can all see that this won't go away by itself just because we get older. I myself discovered this website in my mid 40's. B"H I have remained sober, taking it one day at a time.

What's your plan? What are you doing differently now, that you expect a different outcome?

Haulin with you,
Alex

Hey, brother, welcome.
Let us know how it is going.

WELCOME G4M! Nice to have you aboard!

Welcome Climber,
I'm 66 the short story goes--convicted for solicitation, professional State Board put me on probation, name published in journal, So far it's over $20k paying for everything. This is from the bottom.

I got to GYE, i'm not sure how long I'm clean but it's over a year and a half for sure. I told my children, my rav, my friends. I live day to day with Hashem. Every day is a challenge. Every day I am stupid and don't know what to do. So I've learned just a couple simple things that seem to be working so far. First is shmiras eynayim. Second is that I ask Hashem to show me what to do each day. I can't make up my mind not to fall. Because I know when the lust rises I am very weak, very vulnerable to fall. So I have to watch my eyes and the eye of the imagination, too. That's a start, so the lust doesn't start to rise. The "stupid" thing is no joke. I've just stumbled on that I have tried all manner of things, therapy, mussar, gye, nothing helps if I'm of a mind to "do it". I just have to ask Hashem to help me stay out of trouble. Every day.

Wishing you every brocho you need.

Wow 1daat! Powerful post -- Recovery in a nutshell.

(As a non-spring-chicken myself, I respect and look up to those even older than me.)

MT

Welcome to GYE! Haztlacha on working on yourself and getting out of lust once and for all. Counting the days is one of my biggest tools to not fall, dealing with the lust is another thing.
Just Keep Going!

Currently I could not (did not) maintain my abstinence for more than 24 hours. I will continue the struggle and try to get back on the WOH. I receive chizuk from the forum and the GYE emails. Hashem cares for me. I must also care for myself. I am not Jewish but Christian. But, as I see it, my spiritual roots are therefor deep in Torah. I am appreciative of and respectful toward Jewish tradition, wisdom, and spiritual perspective. I need to be here.

g4m

G4m

Amazing, just take baby steps.
Good luck.

G4M,

I just wanted to thank you for posting and joining us. Literally - thank YOU. It gives us all tremendous strength and inspiration. I'm 23 years old now and starting to realize that every stage in life comes with its own stresses, transitions and challenges. No matter what our age, we all have problems and we all need to learn that this addiction won't solve any of them.

Thanks again for being a part of this. You will learn - as I have over the past couple of years - that the GYE members on this forum are truly the most incredible, inspiring souls you will ever have the privilege to "meet".

Random thought just came to me: It doesn't even matter that I don't know what anyone here looks like or how you are in person. This forum is all about putting aside the physicality and exposing each other to the honesty and integrity of our souls. Many years from now, we will be hanging out together in heaven and I will recognize each and every one of you better than the people who know you face-to-face. I won't see your faces (you probably won't have physical faces) but we will connect on a level way deeper than that - just like we do here. I can't wait to look back on how far we've come as a group and a community as we bask in the knowledge and glory of Hashem.

Thank you once again to all who continue the struggle and who take the time to share here. After some recent falls I am currently on my fourth day of abstinence and trying very diligently to do this "one day at a time". Thank you all for the various responses and (again) I will say I receive chizuk from all of you. I try each morning to thank G-d for the past 24 hours of abstinence and then ask G-d to help me to know his will and to do his will FOR TODAY. I am more than 50 years old and have had this issue of lust and mast... since my teen years. Having a wife/partner changes nothing. Sometimes I lust for my wife... and other (most) times I take my lust to the internet. It is still a lust addiction. But... I feel the love of Hashem. Even one day of abstinence raises my spirit to a higher level and I feel better about myself and about life in general.

As I stated before... I am Christian not Jewish. I appreciate Jewish wisdom and tradition. Therein lie my roots. I need to be here.

g4m

alexeliezer wrote on 28 Jun 2012 18:20:

Funny story: a friend of mine in SA is a mormon.
He recently told me that the first time he read the White Book of SA was on guardyoureyes. He spent quite a bit of time here, actually, reading the forum and ebooks etc, until he finally made up his mind to join SA. He just picked up a six months chip in the meeting last night. This means he hasn't watched porn or masturbated in the last six months. How's that for a success story? And GYE had something to do with it, so congratulations on being a light unto the nations!