From my personal journal:

I am now on day three of being clean, after a slip on 7-23. Thank you G-d for my current abstinence and for my cumulative recent clean days. Please help me to take it one day at a time. Thank you for my spouse. She is the love of my life and she brings me unspeakable joy. For today: please help me to guard my eyes and my thoughts. WE CAN DO THIS! I need and want your help. Please help me to make August a 31-DAY CLEAN MONTH!

Amen

P.S. Maybe others would wish to make it a personal challenge to have August be a CLEAN MONTH.

g4m

To all:

I am now on day 11 of a clean streak with 41 cumulative days clean since June 20th. I have challenged myself to have August be a clean month.

Recently an acquaintance of mine revealed an infidelity issue and marital strife with his spouse. It does not affect me directly but just underscores for me that sexual compulsions and any acting out MUST be brought under control.

I continue to pray and journal daily, asking for daily help from G-d. I read the GYE materials and chizuk emails as well as 12-step materials.

Questions: I am answering myself now on this thread and that seems strange, but I do not completely understand how the forum works. Should my postings - musings - progress reports etc. go on a different part of the forum? Thank you.

g4m

Hey I dont think anyone knows lol Ive been wondering that myself since I got here, just keep doing what your doing I think your fine.

Congratulations on 11 days clean!

Just keep [s]trucking[/s] posting.
People will speak up if they have something to say.
And one thing is for sure- they are reading what you write.

Hatzlacha!
Meir

Another question...

The Hebrew words on the crowns - the 90-day wall and the Wall of Honor...

Can someone tell me what they say???

Thanks in advance.

g4m

From the GYE Handbook - There is nothing here original with me. I have been reading the handbook daily and in my personal journal I tried to glean a "thought for the day" from each of the sections. I use this for personal encouragement. It was my way of personalizing the handbook. This is what I came up with. Some days, like today, I need extra encouragement and I read all 30. Perhaps someone else will find it of benefit. Again - nothing original here - just my personal shorthand.

g4m - still clean as of mid-day


01. I CAN CHOOSE what I should and should not do. Thank G-d.

02. I need help. I cannot do this alone and will not try without G-d's help.

03. I can be helped. Only G-d can help me, and only if I try diligently to do my part.

04. I am still on top.

05. I am not alone. Others have struggled yet have overcome.

06. It (my compulsive nature) is not my fault - but change is MY responsibility.

07. Believe you will succeed, even if you feel you can't.

08. What must I fix in this life? How must I change? How can I improve? RECOVERY IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING!

09. Fixing these foundations "fixes" a person deeper than anything else.

10. I MUST take every step I can to break free.

11. Once is too much, a thousand times is never enough. It is not sane to repeat self-destructive behaviors.

13. One day at a time.

16. The inn is closed.

17. My soul longs for genuine expression.

18. I am not a two-year-old child.

19. Have a "quality" faith. I am capable of making good choices.

20. "Let go and let G-d!"

21. My son, give me your heart.

22. What must I do RIGHT NOW? Take positive action - think, write, say what must be done. DO IT!

23. Every good choice - every right decision is like another coin in the bank. IT MAKES ME RICH IN STRENGTH!

25. G-d sees my efforts. How hard did I try TODAY?

26. Don't fall; you are strong enough. But if you do fall GET BACK UP! Do not underestimate G-d's grace.

27. If I must have guilt, let it be healthy guilt, not despair. I WANT to get closer to G-d.

28. I don't lose past gains after a fall.

29. Experience is built out of failures. I am not someone who never tried. Thank G-d!

30. Light comes through darkness. There is hope. THERE IS ALWAYS HOPE.

Hey call a friend if your having a hard time, I realized only recently that writing here or even TEXTING a friend doesnt have the same effect as calling someone up and speaking to him. The conversation could help shock you back to reality

Have a great clean REALITY FILLED day!

Were going through this together

grace4me wrote on 10 Aug 2012 14:49:

Kevin,

I appreciate your response. I am at level two today and will be at level three tomorrow. Just curious on the translations - hope it is not too much trouble. Have clean days and much chizuk. Thanks again.

g4m

Today is my 17th consecutive clean day. Thank you G-d. My head is feeling more clear and my spirit more free. I am sure many of you know what I mean. I am very busy right now with personal and job responsibilities. Being busy is a (mostly) good thing but also a danger when stress and possible careless moments can lead to a slip. ON GUARD AT ALL TIMES! That is how I must live. Thank you to the forum for chizuk. I think I should move my thread to another place on the forum but not sure where that should be. Have not had time to figure that out and decide. Ideas on that??

grace4me

Hi Grace! You're doing great!

I'll try to translate the "crowns" for you.

Level 1 - On the Path
Level 2 - Be Strong!
Level 3 - Hero Who Conquers His Evil Inclination
Level 4 - Servant of G-d
Level 5 - Powerful Hero Doing G-d's Word
Level 6 - One Who Fears (G-d in) Heaven

On the WOH
Level 7 - One Who Loves G-d
Level 8 - Completely Righteous
Level 9 - One Who Has Repented

(The Talmud says that one who sinned and repented completely can reach a higher level than a completely righteous person who has never sinned.)

KUTGW & KOMT!!!

Gevura!

My holy brother I am 23, been clean for 5 months, i know whatever I say right now you can say I am young or nieve or that I live on a diff planet. Although we are distant in years were fighting the same problem and I want you to know you give me so much chizuk. I am a bt. U can view my story. The one night that changed my life was when I had a craving to jack off I wanted to so bad I couldn't stop thinking about it I put my hands between my legs held my hands together and cried to hashem I cried to hashem for help not for just me for everyone after that day I saw the greatest change in my life the longest I made it in my life was 90 days I am 5 months clean. Life is great and ur gonna get through this just believe in urself to have this test means ur special. People who don't get tested here don't have the same holiness for every second u fight u grow so much it's not about the days the months the hours every moment u fight for it u grow tremendously. My love goes out to u and I want u to succeed I am here for u. I believe in u.

EZ Streak,

Thank you for your post. I certainly applaud you for accepting the challenge to live "pure". At your age I did not know right from wrong. Well I kind of knew that the lust and acting out were wrong, but not at the level that I could ever develop the courage or discipline to completely acknowledge the truth and then do something about it. The result is that I gave YH lots of years to run amok in my life, burning those "neural pathways" that make lust such a ready and profound response to so many sights and circumstances in life. If you continue the battle I believe you will have a much better life for it. Do not spend several decades in lust like I did. Just so you know, I am not Jewish. However I find so much relevance here at GYE. Despite my Christian background, the Jewish perspective on life, purity, and purpose in life feels more relevant than the hyper-legalism that I grew up with. Well yes there is legalism in the Jewish life, of course. To me it just seems more connected to a higher purpose in life. Like, why am I here in this world? Obviously - to me- I am here to conquer lust. That is my task in life, my charge, my challenge. I am rambling now. Thank you again for your post. Do not try to think of your whole life without lust or acting out - just one day at a time. Please continue to let the forum know about your progress on your journey.

grace4me

Gevura wrote on 14 Aug 2012 14:38:



Gevura,

Thank you for the translations. Very uplifting themes to aspire to.

g4m

My friend wasting seed even for non Jews is a sin in the Torah one of the gravest, the whole Torah talks about it the whole period of Noah they fell into this that generation came back in the times of sdom and Gomorrah only after Josef went into Egypt did the world get rectified from this but the Jews went to egypt the lowest place in the world, to fix this impurity. We're all here to battle this together. Ur holy in my eyes bc u wanna be pure. Continue working on that desire and god will help u. Be well. I hope that was clear.