Beauty, thanks for that Mottel.

i just want to come in and say i read ur 1st post and i want to congradulate u for coming to GYE
remember that hashem has the power to help us and is waiting for us to ask

Alex,

Thank you for asking the question:

"What's your plan? What are you doing differently now, that you expect a different outcome?"

That is a very good question, and I thank you sincerely for asking it. I am formulating my response. I want to give it some really careful thought - I really think I may gain some important insights so I need to take my time. It took me over 40 years to become who I am and to realize who I am (a man with a lust problem) so it will certainly take time to make changes. More to follow.

g4m

Hey G4M
waiting to hear your plans, i'm sure we can each find some good ideas in what you'll post.

Keep Climbing

G4M

maybe to try and help give some direction. You need what we call fences, some lines that you dont cross and that hopefully if followed to the "t" will help you avoid situations that will probably lead to a fall.

A pretty obvious fence would be filters, dont go near a computer when your feeling a urge, rather call a friend and speak to him, that can help. Watching our eyes. not touching down there, etc.

JKG

Hi Everyone,
So this is my first time on the forum. You know it been a rough battle lately. Been calling in on the night calls and afternoon calls and working with it i defiantly feel different meaning different attitude. My worst part of all this is when im walking on the street i can get a hold of myself. I look everywhere this lady that lady. The summer months make it even worse. Please if anyone has any ideas how to get this controlled a little or any tools to use to get my mind back in foces? I wana thank everyone in the program for all the effort be but into this being there for people etc wow this is such a great thing. M;h this is making moshicah one set closer, wow look at us where getting closer with other jews and other people one day at a time where reconnecting
THANKS AGAIN EVERYONE,
CLEAN1DAYATATIME

Welcome "Clean1dayatatime"

Sign up for the shmiras anayim emails, i've been getting the chizuk emails for a couple of months now but only recently signed up for the shmiras anayim ones. They're very well written and your sure to gain from it. Also pray for the woman you see that they should find the greatness and closeness of hashem. To be honest with you i'm actually finding it hard to achieve this praying part, but they say it works wonders and takes on a totally different way on how we look at woman.

Hatzlacha and
KeepClimbing

Well I just had a slip that I allowed to continue on for six days. Now I am clean as of today and looking back at the past week. Now I feel empty and what did I get for for my lustful adventure except tiredness, self-loathing, low motivation to do anything worthwhile, and a generally crappy outlook on life? When will I learn? So I start over - not giving up by any means. Thank you all for being part of the forum and the healing. I will try to collect my thoughts and post some more...

g4m

Grace,
Still listening for your plan.

Cleanonedayatatime,
Welcome to the forum. Please consider starting a new thread introducing yourself so we don't hijack Grace's thread.
Guarding our eyes in the street is part of guarding our eyes in general. We need to make a commitment that we aren't going to look at women, period. When I'm walking in the street and I catch the slightest glimpse of a woman at a distance, I immediately come up with a strategy for avoiding looking at her. If she's extremely indecently dressed, I will cross the street to avoid her. Otherwise, I can take off my glasses and look elsewhere (usually down) as she gets closer and passes, pretend to be texting, or some other activity that involves turning my head elsewhere -- starting well before she gets close. MT recently suggested closing our eyes, which I have been doing at times, although not always practical.

It's do-able. I've gone from ogling everything with two legs to someone who is in control of his eyes. It takes commitment, determination, stubbornness, and syata d'shmaya. It also feels really good. We are not in control of our lust, but we are in control of our eyes.

Have a wonderful, clean day!
Alex

one of the best strategies for avoiding looking at women in the street is to focus your eyes on a distant point in the middle of the road or above peoples height.this way you dont feel like a nerd

Alex (and others),


my plan - how is it different now?

when I am keeping to my plan I thank G-d morning and evening for my abstinence for the past 24 hour time frame

when I am keeping to my plan I ask G-d morning and evening for continued abstinence

when I am keeping to my plan I read each morning from GYE Attitudes and/or GYE Handbook

when I am keeping to my plan I read each morning from Chizuk emails

when I am keeping to my plan I journal (daily) a few of my thoughts/prayers

when I am keeping to my plan I try to have a "thought for the day" taken from my daily readings

when I am keeping to my plan I pray daily for my spouse and all extended family members.

when I am keeping to my plan I guard my eyes in all settings: in public, TV, internet access

when I am keeping to my plan I guard my thoughts - when I see a person or situation that could lead to lustful thoughts I can usually take my thoughts (and myself) to a wholesome place IF I CHOOSE TO!


when I am keeping to my plan I think about and write about my fears [just starting this one]

So what am I afraid of?

I am afraid that family members or others might somehow learn my secrets.
I am afraid of the shame and other negative consequences of being found out.
I am afraid of possible bad repercussions from the past - basically that people with whom I had inappropriate (not illegal) physical relationships in the distant past (30 or more years ago) might cross my path and I would have trouble dealing with it. I just want the past to go away. I cannot change it and I regret my mistakes. This is not at all likely to happen, but still I am afraid.

My problem seems to be... DO I REALLY WANT THIS THING? This abstinence and deliverance from this deplorable addictive condition. I am sure some would say I am doing nothing wrong - just mast... and images online. No personal contact or desire for same, no $$ spent, nothing illegal - just an unacceptable value system to most people (including myself - except when I am acting out and rationalizing). Much of the time I know and feel that I need to be abstinent. Then sometimes rationalize and say to myself that it does not matter. Why not have the pleasure rather than constant struggle. But what if I could really have long-term abstinence? How would my mindset change? How would I look at life? How free would me emotions and my spirit be? Often I wonder what it would be like to never had gotten caught up in lust and mast... , without having ever been in a cycle of continuous lustful thoughts. But I cannot live in the world of "what if?" Hashem expects me to go forward from here. That is all that I can and must do.

g4m

Keep it up buddy,

Have you tried making a schedule? 5 minutes this 5 minutes that. As opposed to having a general plan (or "wishlist" ) it'll help keep you focused on what you have to do and make sure to do something do-able. that youll stick with. Instead of something so large, that you drop after a week.




Very nice thought, that attitude helps us stay in the present and not live in the past.

Graceman,
I like you!
Keep up the attitude and determination. I related to everything you wrote in the last post. So that makes at least two of us!
All the best,
Mottel

Grace,
That was a beautiful and honest post.
We must each find our own motivation for getting sober.
For me, in addition to the religious thing, I wanted my mind back.
I got more than that. I have better relationships with my wife and children. And a better relationship with Hashem.

grace4me wrote on 30 Jul 2012 02:41:

I just wanted to say- I relate to this. Thank you for saying it so that I can understand a bit more what I wanted to say.
Meir