I am sorry I didn't write anything to all those that are interested I have had such help from hashem that I don't how to begin or where to start after being clean for 14 days I feel like Iby watching my eyes I am creating such a closeness to hashem that now I feel like its such a busha to look I rather have a deep relationship with hashem bringing down lights from heaven that are so holy and real that fills me up with love and awe of hashem. I visit the graves of tzaddikim I go to the lubavitcher and to yakkov Yosef. I started reciting tehillim for the day so that I Finnish it by shabbas. Hashem opened my eyes big time. That even the Torah u learn is a gift from hashem everything is a gift and I can't achieve anything. By staying clean Judaism opens up. Davening is about praying to god to save me for the day. It's still hard for me to learn Gemara but now I try. But when I pray I feel fire a special bond and I believe everyone can be zocheh to it if u watch yourself and eventually that light will be so powerful that you won't want to look at woman or waste seed bc u will realize by not looking you will feel a feeling of unconditional love. I also go to the mikvah try to find a high functioning one where water comes in every day. I asked rav shlomo adheret how to be pure he told me lots of tehillim mikvah and Torah. You see when one wastes seed u distance yourself cut your neshama off cha s veshalom so the first thing is you need to get your heart and soul into it for me it took 3 days to just battle thoughts I bit my fingers screamed to god to make it go away constantly be tempted to. But eventually the thoughts go away and your mind opens up you feel a desire to do good to smile to a friend to be happy for no reason but then it goes away and u get sad then I cried to hashem. This last shabbas I was tempted in a dream by a girl and turned her down I asked a rabbi if it meant something he told me when u sleep or if ur tired it's harder to fight yetzer but if u win it's big. I now realize that just bc ur good for today doesnt mean ur good for Tom or forever. Everyday I have to cry out for protection for my past. I feel close to god and I am working on trying to learn I do open up the Gemara. Oh and two days ago I met rabbi aderet I am now davening netz by him bc I want to bc I feel close to god. For me not just for god. The final thing is find yourself a shield where u can pray and feel god. Many places don't pray so carefully. I am sorry about writing such long things but right now I am just so excited and happy. Everyone can overcome it if you realize the bris is responsible for all your pain for all your tzaras. Just hate wasting seed hate it with a passin and make it your mission to beat it realize that you want to be there by techies hamesim with hashem dancing and turn your life around. Hashem loves all you who come here for the thought of teshuva is so valuable. Be well everyone and I pray for you all, the fighters for klal yisroel my friends this site strengthens me for when I post here I am not alone and if you don't read this it helps me so I really apologize for the length and if I wasted your time. Be well have a kosher pesach and may we all get out of slavery. Out of this time for pesach is when the Jews had brisim 600,000people had a bris ate the lamb. Before pesach they didn't keep the bris if they didn't keep the bris they didn't believe In hashem.. This is the beginning to begin with the Jews to keep I bless you ally for only the good.

Ez streak wrote on 01 Apr 2012 09:17:


I ask you partly in jest- who are you debating it with? Your yetzer hara or yetzer tov?

I am very happy you are doing so well.

I do not mean to scare you ch'v, I would like to share what I have seen here. I have been here since the days when there was very little funding and the members would do the programing for the site. It was not high tech. I feel blessed to have been here so long. But having been around I have seen differnat patterns.

Some poeple come, join, break free and keep rising. There is even a global moderater who is one such fellow.

Other come have a great start and then get a big test from the Y"H and fall. At that moment they are faced with an even bigger test- do they get back up and continue climbing (not starting over- continuing)or do the give up.

For many the first peroid of time here is amamzing, but then the big test comes.

I want you to be aware that this might happen.

The other thing I want to share is that from the little I know the best way to avoid being tested or to really break free of a big fall is to really embrace the ideas shared here on the site. One very good way to do that is with the phone calls. I am not trying to push you or scare you off. I only want that if you find yourself slipping you sould know it is not only normal but also it is a bigger test than the test of lust and that there are ways to win.

Well put, Holy Yid.

Sorry it's been a long time bh I feel very strong I haven't fallen I can't even stare at woman I tell myself they don't belong to me and I feel disgusted if I see immodest girls walking down the street. I spits on my hand privately to train my brain that it's not ok to look and to equate immodesty with a disgusting behavior. My learning is much more consistent for the first time in a long time I am consistent with shacharis and my relationships with family and friends are so sweet. My relationship with Hashem is so holy. When I say modim I cry for feeling so lucky to be free from those desires that destroyed my life. I have been clean since a week before pesach I hope I will never go back bc I don't want anything but this holy life. Everyone i wish you all success in ur battles be well my brothers.

I made it 5 months without masterbating however I was doing well with guarding my eyes but now I am having a hard time. At times it's lonely not feeding my yetzer. I am trying to get more and more used to doing the things a Jew is supposed to do like learning be happy and praying. If anyone has any tips on this lemme know all the best