I was a bal teshuva in 8th grade extremely innocent I had a friend that was a goy who introduced me toporn and masturbating, I didn't know what it was at the time and slowly but shortly I was doing it until I found out it was assur when I was 16 I tried quitting at the time I was still in public school but I was addicted and was to embarrassed to talk to anyone. In 11th grade I switched to a jewish day school. But I wasn't able to talk to any of the rabbis or did the rabbis address this issue. I was addicted and the only time I stayed away was shabbas. The funny thing was I managed to be shower negiah with no problem but i couldn't overcome this. After going to Israel for 2 years I came back at the age of 20 never telling anyone about wasting seed. Then the worsed thing happened to me I was on a chat room and the chances slim to none but there. Was a Jewish girl on there and we talked after 2 weeks of phone sex and her sending me a pic with clothes on. She was a 10 prettiest girl I ever seen. She told me she was married. I ended with her when I found out but the yetzer persisted. This was in the summer by parents where I had no close Jewish friends there all alone. I gave in and talked her and phone sex. Finally yeshiva and college started I told my chavrusa but it was hard to end it. I tried so many times to but she always came back into my life finally I gave into meeting her but I overslept and didn't see her. Irish I took that as a sign then I did meet her and a slippery slope I fell after seeing her the second time I touched her the third time we met we kissed after every time I ended it but it and felt so guilty I cried to god something like this even irreligious Jew knows this and here I am one who keeps shabbas and learns does. I felt discussed with myself I started sleeping later and later not waking up in the morning and falling so far down I did put on teffilin and prayed to god to get me out of it shabbas saved me bc it was the only time where I didn't fall and could do teshuva in the end I didn't go any further than touching and kissing and phone sex. I beg hashemite that he should forgive me then this year I was faced with a similar challenge with a goy I met her in a chat room and had phone sex with her. She wanted to meet me but I ended it. I Hope that counts as some teshuva and I am clean now for 7 days the most I ever went was 92. The thing that helped megetout was going to tell my rabbi about the married woman which was the hardest thing i ever did  my skin turned white and became so cold from telling him this but after i felt much better. Thank you god for not letting me go lower than that. Iam sorry if I went into to much detail and I hope that this can help others and help them with their pain and struggles. If anyone can help me overcome this and help me get over the addiction of the Internet advice or support I will gratefully appreciate I am now 22 and single.  I am scared to get married or date  until I beat this. Please god save our generation for it pains me so much to know the damage I cause to myself the damage I cause myself in this world and the next. Thank you so much gye for this site.

Welcome!
You have come to the right place.  You are among fellow strugglers here.  Many of us have done similar things in the past.  Our addiction has taken us places no decent person would go.

Spend a lot of time reading the materials on this site.  Learn about the 12 steps.  Consider joining a 12-step phone group or a live SA group.

Guard your eyes vigilantly.  Guard your mind against sexual thoughts.  Daven for Hashem to take them whenever they come.  Give up your lust to Hashem.

Take your recovery seriously.  Make it the most important thing in your life.  Do something every day for your recovery, starting with reading the materials here.  Many find it helpful to stay active on this forum, giving and getting chizuk and advice.  It's important to connect with other strugglers.

Take a look at this post for a possible way to jump-start your recovery using the Pesach seder: www.guardyoureyes.org/forum/index.php?topic=3750.0

Hatzlocha!
Alex

dear E z s! welcome
a lot of us her had similar situations
the main thing is like alex wrote, to take this matter very seriously
no more chat at all
no viewing internet without a good filter
doing the 12 steps, or other recovery programs
maybe sa meetings, or phone support
go for it, hashem is with you
he will help you all the way

I am starting to feel more free I am 8 days clean now the first day I decided to fight my cravings increased now my cravings come when I am tired. I am scared I am going home now my parents have a tv and a computer with no filter and I am to embarrassed to talk to them about a filter idk if I can ever tell them about this issue. They think I am an angel bc I respect them with so much honor that they should not hate Judaism and embrace it and also they should respect me. But on the other hand if I should do it to save my soul then I will. I downloaded the gye handbook what's the 12 steps.

One thing at a time.  The handbook is a good place to start.

Vigilant shmiras eynayim means zero TV.  Stay out of the room if it's on.

You mentioned fighting the cravings.  Don't fight.  Give it up to Hashem.  Here's a little tefilla I use whenever the cravings come.  It's basically the first 3 of the 12 steps.  12 steps sounds like a lot.  Start with these 3:

"Ribbono Shel Olam, I am powerless over lust and my life has become unmanageable.
Only You can restore me to sanity.
I turn my life and my lust over to Your care and ask You to please heal me from this illness of lust.
I don't want to lust.
I only want You and a relationship with You and your Torah.
Please take my lust."

Try to gradually internalize what you are saying.  This is much easier than fighting.

You're doing great.  Keep taking it one day at a time.  One nisayon at a time.

Ez streak wrote on 29 Mar 2012 22:04:


Great!

Hello EZ streak, welcome to the forum.

One thing that has helped me is to realize that the pull towards sexual behavior is addictive in nature.  It is a sickness--I am a sick person trying to get well, not an evil person trying to be good.  I have been involved with GYE for a few years now, and life just keeps getting better.  More and more layers of this behavior peel away, and I become more in touch with myself, better able to relate to other people, and more able to cope with life in general.

Keep on posting.

BTW, have you installed a filter on your computer?  That's definitely a good place to start.  There's a lot of information on this site recommending different filters, and recommending the best ways to set it up.

Good luck,

--Elyah

welcome my holy friend.

You are in the right place. many have become strong from far worse.

I want to ask you- what, my dear friend, would happen if you did not hate yourself for this?

I have seen that with me the Yetzer hara's best trick is to get me to hate myself for what I did and then I slip further.


I have the great honor of giving you the officail welcome. I am humbled that I can do this for you, my holy friend.

First Time on GYE?

Click here to learn the few quick things we suggest to help you jump straight into your journey!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Welcome to our community, you have finally come home!

GuardYourEyes (GYE) is a vibrant network and fellowship of Jews of all affiliations, struggling to purify themselves and break free of lust related behaviors. For the first time, there is somewhere to turn to for help in these areas. We're all in the same boat here. Tzuras Rabim Chatzi Nechama  .  Once you've arrived, there's no turning back. Everyone here will just grab a hold of you and pull you up with them!
 
In the last couple of years, the GYE network has helped roughly 1,000 Jews get back on a path of sanity, self-control and healing and has touched the lives of thousands more. GYE has become known throughout the Jewish world as the number one address for dealing with these challenges which have reached epidemic proportions. 

The tools of our recovery program were developed with guidance from the best experts in the field, such as Rabbi Dr. Avraham J. Twerski, and through the personal experience of hundreds of Jews who successfully broke free. We use a unique approach that recognizes that there are many different levels in these struggles.

Our network is comprised of a website, a pulsating forum, phone conferences, daily Chizuk e-mails, support hotlines, therapists, live 12-Step groups and a program of recovery for all levels of this struggle/addiction.

All our work is free of charge and we zealously protect the complete anonymity of all our members.

Here are some quick things you can do to help you jump straight into your journey:

1) See the "GYE Program in a Nutshell" (Right Click the link and press "Save Link/Target As" to save the PDF file to your computer) that can help you quickly identify at what level of the struggle you are at, and which tools and features would help you most at your particular level.

2) Install a strong filter (see this page for more info). It is hard to break free of this while having all the garbage within a mouse click away.  The filter gabai at filter.gye@gmail.com will hold the passwords for you. We also highly advise installing "Reporting Software" such as webchaver.org to give you some accountability.

3) Join the daily Chizuk e-mail lists to get fresh chizuk every day.

4) Join the 90 Day Challenge. Scientific studies have shown that it takes 90 days to change the neuron pathways created by addictive behaviors in the brain.

5) Post away on this forum, where hundreds of yidden like you exchange chizuk and post logs of their journey to recovery. You will internalize that you are not alone, and you will learn the techniques and attitude that work for so many others.

6) Join our free anonymous phone conferences, led by an experienced sponsor.

7) If you need more general guidance, write to GYE’s helpline at gye.help@gmail.com or call the hotline at 646-600-8100.

8.) Download and read the "Guard Your Eyes Handbook" (a hard copy can be purchased for cost price over here). This handbook outlines the GYE approach in detail, and makes our network much more effective and helpful for people. The handbook has two parts:

A) The first part, "The 20 Tools", detail suggested tools and techniques, in progressive order, beginning with the most basic and fundamental approaches to dealing with this addiction, and continuing down through increasingly earnest and powerful methods. No matter what level our addiction may have advanced to, we will be able to find the right tools to break free in this handbook!

The second part, "Attitude & Perspective", detail 30 basic principles to help us maintain the proper attitude and perspective on this struggle. Here are some examples: Understanding what we are up against, what it is that Hashem wants from us, how we can use this struggle for tremendous growth, how we can deal with bad thoughts, discovering how to redirect the power of our souls, understanding that every little bit counts, learning how to bounce back up after a fall, and so on and so forth…

Our souls cry inside of us, but we have accustomed ourselves to block out that cry. Today we can begin to be who we really want to be.

We are here for you.
www.GuardYourEyes.org
GYE E-Mail Helpline: gye.help@gmail.com
GYE Phone Hotline: 646-600-8100
Help us help others: Donate Here

links did not come out sorry. I am not a techi guy

Holy Yid wrote on 30 Mar 2012 07:20:


Go to this page for everything you need to know to get started on GYE:

www.guardyoureyes.com/breakingfree/first-time-here

Good luck,

Elyah

Thank you everyone today is day 9 at the beginning of this count I was isolated and didn't want to be around people, I had trouble doing the mitzvah of tefillin and tzitizis and davening I was going down I was very negative. After these 9 days I am really positive I am starting to learn wake up earlier I always had a problem waking up, but I put on tefillin and I feel much closer to hashem wanting to do good and more of a positive attitude, just the forum alone gives me the excitement to come back to to talk even if it means posting just for myself. For this is the a covenant which implies zachor and Shamor Shamor is the yira fear to always protect are bris in anyways possible zachor is love ahava and I am trying to do both guard it but also realize that protecting the bris and the fight should be done out of love for hashem. I got rid of my laptop I have an iPad and there's a filter from the school but i don't have one personally.

Everyone have. A good shabbas today I diverted my eye more than I ever have, I really am excited for shabbas bc I didn't waste my seed and I won't feel the guilt of wasting it and I can celebrate shabbas out of simcha. Be well everyone!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Good shabbas!!!!!!!

Hope you had a good shabbos. I found the I was very afraid of joining a live call. However, once I did and stuck it out for a little bit I found I a developed deep connection with the other callers.

I found a whole new crew of very close friends.

I had a great shabbas and when I went to sleep on shabbas I had a dream in the dream I was tested by a lady but I refused it. I asked a rabbi if it meant anything he told me when u sleep ur will is much weaker and if u refuse it in a dream its a big thing. Thk god today is day 11 and I davened three times on shabbas. And I feel much closer and happier but the thoughts still come. I hope I can get to the point that the thoughts won't make me lonely and sad.!!! everyone be wel!!! I think I might join after pesach I am debating it.

Dear E Z S!
you are on the right track
keep it up
you are not alone, hashem is with you all the way
just ask him constantly for help, its never too much for hashem, as you are his son

You are doing great. It is a big bracha from G-d you found this site. Do you know how many people wish they knew about it?

I think that G-d has specail love for anyone who finds his way here.

I am wondering what you have been doing to "stay clean"?