Can you get explicitly exact with the entire thing - the writer, the site, etc.? That would be a surrender that puts your recovery first, rather than anything else.

Go for it, chabibi.

it is a news site one of those i made a 'Neder' not to go into. they also have good stuff like this writer that is a good frum yid and i like reading him but now i do not go into that site, so i do not have a way to read him. i think i will forget from it Vegamarnu.

LT

Sounds good, your gut is probably 100% right.

But I was really hoping you'd open up about the exact details of the story and website, just to be direct and open. It's not about lust, it's about openness. I love it, use it, it saves my life. That's all.

Gamarnu, chabibi.

dov wrote on 19 Jan 2012 21:32:

not sure what did i hide-
until 55 days ago i would look a lot in news sites (nrg.co.il ynet.co.il) that news site has tons of garbage like the big swimsuit contest or whatever(and i looked at it). this site also has a bit of good stuff, and about that stuff i am talking.
if i wasn't clear enough or not direct and open, ask and i will be happy to answer

LT

No big deal, really. For example, there is one kind of being open, in which we admit that we have been having "a hard time with patient with my mother." It is different when we spell the basic facts out more clearly: "I go crazy sometimes when my mother keeps repeating herself on the phone." And it is an entirely different experience openly clarifying that "I am ashamed at how impatient I was today when my mother kept repeating the instructions from the paper the funeral director sent her about the exact markings on the gravestone of my father, just to get them right. She is unsure of herself when it is really so simple and clear, and gets all worried. Her repeating the directions to me drives me nuts and I want to tell her to just relax and follow the directions, and sometimes I feel like saying to her stuff like, Mommy, c'mon, it's obvious, just read the paper and do what it says!"

Gevalt. That's different, you know. I am facing the exact, unvarnished truth. And it will lead to some real recovery, real growth. Facing the truth in the comfort and privacy of my own mind is usually totally worthless - because we color it - I color it. When another person looks at it together with us, the true colors and meaning of it are often revealed for the very first time.

Same thing with guys (not you) who say, "I've been having some lust trouble lately." Good heavens, what good is that? Yeah, sure, it is something...but is that what I want? No. I want (I need) recovery, not just more 'something'. Details, exact details. That's what we need - what I need - to share.

Of course, this forum is definitely not the place for factually detailed porn-problem details to be discussed! But that is what is needed - we need to find venues that are safe for everyone involved, to get the whole truth out about us. That is tne only thing that works for me - and it is precisely what the Rebbe R' Meilech writes in the Tzetil Koton #13, "v'lo ya'alim shum davar machmas habusha."

So....since this was not a lust issue but just a distraction in the news that you were only avoiding due to your own good judgement, I was hoping for some meaty details. It makes it all more real.

Just my two cents.

still not sure i realy understood
i think a few messages ago i wrote to what i am addicted
i will write it again.
i think young ladies in bikinis are very pretty and i love looking at their pictures that makes me masturbate afterwards. some times it is the other way round, i want to masturbate so i go and look for girls in bikinis and then i masturbate.
now i was only asking should i get away from every thing connected to those sites or should i find a way that wouldn't put me in danger to get clean stuff from that website.

sorry if you it triggers someone(if yes please erase immediately)
shabat shalom

LT

Awesome, fantastic and really OK. I meant no big deal when I wrote dov wrote on 20 Jan 2012 02:53:
so hey, it's no big deal chabibi!!

You are definitely moving forward and I figured there is no harm in suggesting a further step to consider in the future. And I was talking (writing) to myself as much as to you!

had a bad dream last night  :-[
i dreamt that i am letting myself try and see if i could realy stop on time  :-[
in the morning it took me a few minutes to realize this was a dream and  i am still sober(hope).
good night
i will daven for better dreams tonight

LT

:-\ i was looking for  trouble last night :-\
B"H happened 'vaechsoc gam anochi otcha mechato li'(breshit kaf)

LT

accidentally(maybe a little trying to see if i could get close and save myself >) i stumbled upon a loophole in k9
now i am tempted
:'( :'(
need chizuk not to try it out

i already told the Y"H that he is a smart guy and should know that it isn't worth it to lose 70 days for 70 sec.

LT

decided to close the computer

Good going in closing the computer.  i am no where near computer savvy, ie. took me 2 hours to figure out how to text on my new phone, but i had k9 whipped in about 7 minutes.  K9 is still on my computer, but it is a safety net in case something unintended shows up.  Immediately after finding the loop hole, i installed accountability software.  The addict that i am, i can't even trust myself. 

There is a line in a song from long ago that i may finally have an understanding of.  "There's a smile when the pain comes, cause she knows everything's gonna be alright" , earlier it is clear that addiction is part of the topic.  IMHO, the lyric is saying that at a time of temptation/struggle it is the memory of the pain from the past that comes and that memory is enough to get past the moment.
Focusing on the pain, the reason you want/wanted to be clean, may help you fight the momentary battles.
Hatzlacha in all things GOOD.
chaimyakov

78 B"H (one day at a time)

thanks to hashem and his 'shluchim' here at GYE

have a 'shavua tov' everyone

LT