Like in "Chutzpa" for those who can pronounce it correctly.

Or like in "Chanukah" (also for those who can pronounce it correctly).

--Eye.

Lol I get it, I get it.  It's like the Arabic ح.  A very raspy 'haa'.

All the Arabic and Judaism stuff is very nice, but where is the recovery talk? Isn't that what we are here for? So let's get to work.

@Dov: Well, this is what I've gathered in terms of tips from this particular thread:
- setting K9 time restrictions so I'm not alone w/ internet at night: DONE
- Getting more hobbies: WORK-IN-PROGRESS
- Specifically, working out: W-I-P (hopefully starting Tmrw, G-d willing)
- Eating less and HEALTHY: STARTED
- I tried to do the "leave a bit of food" tip, but I didn't want to waste any food (cuz I didn't know what to do w/ the leftovers): FAILED
- positive attitude: Does  ;D  ring a bell? lol
- Plus, I signed up for the Chizuk emails

So this thread isn't completely philological at all, lol...

Ok, I have another problem.  I hide this forum from my family for fear of them knowing about my addiction - but it feels just like hiding pr*n from them... what should I do?

Welcome to the site.

Welcome to the club who hides the site.

Why do you feel it is like hiding p***?

There are many things we do not share with family.

The truth is that we would be better served by being very open about our struggle, but that often is not so practical. So we are stuck only sharing it with people who understand.

However you could share the chuizk emails with ur family. I am sure this is an area that is hard for all males in the century and ur family members might want chuizk in this area after you explain what chuizk is lol.

Hatzlacha/ may you see success.

HY

I had a fall yesterday night and today - but I know exactly how it came about.  For a week I had been pursuing my goal of healthy eating and living, but yesterday I gorged.  Well, that made my drive shoot up 100% and before I knew it.... I was on youtube on my ipod in the washroom....
The thing is, I had blocked youtube but my Dad told me that he wanted to watch some of his talk shows, so I had to unblock it...  and I can't control myself when stuff like that is lying around waiting to be accessed....

And I did it again today... I had thought I was on the path to recovery, but ...
What should I do about this youtube issue?

BTW @HolyYid: Thanks.

EDIT: I think I'm starting to realize that food is critically important to breaking this addiction - at least for me.  I notice that when I fall, I gorge even more: COMFORT FOOD.  I get depressed and search for materialistic ways of plugging that spiritual down I feel when I fall... which leads to doing "it" even more.  It becomes a vicious cycle.
Garbage In Garbage Out.

Mohammad wrote on 24 Jun 2011 19:51:


Our addictive patterns often spill out into other areas.  I would suggest that it wasn't the gorging that got you depressed and made you act out with lust.

I would suggest that something made you depressed, AND THEN you gorged and acted out with lust, too.

You might find many parallels between your attitude towards health and diet and between your attitude towards lust.

Pay attention to your thoughts and see what's going on inside your head.

Just some food for thought.    ;D

--Eye.

Maybe you're right Eye...
I'll write more about my "other problem" a bit later, G-d willing.

Mohammad wrote on 24 Jun 2011 19:51:


Not a tech expert, but try something like this:  Go to the ipod's screen where you type in the modem info, don't look at the numbers, delete them, type in some nonsense numbers, and apply the new settings.  The ipod will hopefully stop accessing the internet.  Tell your father there's a problem with the connection and let him watch his stuff on some other computer.

Mohammed,

I just noticed you didn't get one of these GYE welcome packets yet, so here you go:

We're all in the same boat here. Shared suffering is already half the consolation   Once you've arrived, there's no turning back. Everyone here will just grab a hold of you and pull you up with them!

GYE Program in a Nutshell: (Right Click the link and press "Save Link/Target As" to save the PDF file to your computer).

'Guard Your Eyes' offers a unique approach to helping people by recognizing that there are many different levels in the struggle for "Shmiras Ainayim" and "Shmiras Habris". After studying the experience of hundreds of religious strugglers over the past few years, we put together the suggestions and recommendations that we feel are best for the various levels. We divided the tools, features and services that GYE offers into 8 different levels. This "GYE Program in a Nutshell can help people quickly identify at what level of the struggle they are at, and which tools and features would help them most at their particular level.

Here are some quick things you can do to help you jump straight into recovery:

1) Make sure to install a strong filter. It will be almost impossible to break free of this while having all the garbage within a mouse click away. See this page for one good filter option, along with instructions on how to install it best – and give away the password to our "filter Gabai"… See this page for another 20 (or so) filter ideas and information… We also highly advise installing "Reporting Software" such as webchaver.org to give you some accountability, because filters alone are usually not sufficient and they can often be bypassed.

2) Join the daily Chizuk e-mail lists to get fresh chizuk every day.

3) Scientific studies have shown that it takes 90 days to change a neural thought pattern that was ingrained in the brain through addictive behaviors. Did you join the 90 day chart on-line? Sign up over here.

4) Post away on this forum! You will get tons of daily Chizuk and support. This disease can't be beat alone. It works best when you get out of isolation!

5) GuardYourEyes also offers many free anonymous phone conferences where you can join a group of other frum Yidden, along with an experienced sponsor. See www.guardyoureyes.org > Tools > Phone Conferences for many different options. Our conferences are taking place every day, morning, noon and night… Joining a phone group would be a tremendous step in the right direction for you and help you learn freedom from this addiction. Not only will you learn the secret of the 12-Steps – which is known to be the world's most powerful program for beating addiction having helped millions world wide, but the daily call will be another way of GETTING OUT OF ISOLATION and connecting with others who are going through what you are.

6) If you need more general guidance, write to our e-mail helpline at gye.help@gmail.com or call our hotline at 646-600-8100.

7) Download and read the "Guard Your Eyes Handbook". This handbook outlines the GYE approach in detail, and makes our network much more effective and helpful for people. The handbook has two parts:

A) The first part, "Attitude & Perspective", details 30 basic principles to help us maintain the proper attitude and perspective on this struggle. Here are some examples: Understanding what we are up against, what it is that Hashem wants from us, how we can use this struggle for tremendous growth, how we can deal with bad thoughts, discovering how to redirect the power of our souls, understanding that every little bit counts, learning how to bounce back up after a fall, and so on and so forth…

The second part, "The 18 Tools", detail suggested tools and techniques, in progressive order, beginning with the most basic and fundamental approaches to dealing with this addiction, and continuing down through increasingly earnest and powerful methods. No matter what level our addiction may have advanced to, we will be able to find the right tools to break free in this handbook!

Lots of luck!

--Eye.

You don't know Bards but he says fell shmell. Falling is part of the process of recovery. We are weak and learn from our mistakes.

Fell shmell just don't fall under the wagon

Thanks a lot everyone; I'll try to reply to all the new posts below.
@alex: Nice suggestion, but knowing my dad, he'll get suspicious and think I'm trying to block him out of youtube on purpose lol.  Me and him have had many arguments in the past about having this brain washing, filth-producing machine aka TV in the house; the stuff he watches on youtube isn't a whole lot different.  Let's just say he is not the most religious in the house *wink

@Eye: w00t official wElcOmz... I feel loved.  ;D
I've been reading through the GYE manual, and have seen this statement many times but still don't fully understand what it means.  Any comments?
"Let go and Let G-d".  What exactly does this mean?

@HolyYid: Yeah I'm becoming more familiar with the GYE culture.  Bardichev is a celebrity it seems lol.

BTW, the "other problem" I mentioned before is this: my dad wants me to take swimming classes (which I don't mind) - except the community swimming pool where the lessons are held are mixed male/female (no surprise there).  Plus, my instructor may be female.  I have found a community centre in my city where Muslim men reserve an hour for themselves, but the problem is that it's too far.  Plus, I don't have my license yet and my parents can't drive me at that time.  Soooo, being that my dad isn't too religious, he wants me to take lessons at the closer community centre.  But I know that that might become an obstacle in the path of recovery from the addiction - imagine having to face bikini-clad women every day for 2 weeks!  Not only that, but now this is sort of becoming a point of contention between me and him - he thinks I'm being unduly stubborn.  He would likely understand if I shock him by telling him I'm addicted; but I can't do that, can I?
Dilemma...

You seem to be getting good advice here, and even coming with some on your own.  I can only tell you what my first step (and it's really simple) was --- buy a thermos or canteen and keep it as close to your head as possible.  Fill it up with water from the sink every night (to the top) and every morning dump the leftover water in the toilet and flush it.  In Jewish mystic beliefs (kabbalah) water has many purifying properties.  The reason I choose to start this routine is because of the following story that's written somewhere in the mishnah (one our cryptic commentaries on the Torah): Before G-d created Eve, Adam had a first wife named Lilith.  She was extremely beautiful, but in actuality was a demon.  The kabbalistic interpretation continues that Lilith hangs around in a dream-state and she seduces young men by invading their dreams and plantic scenes and thoughts of an improper sexual nature.  So I chose to start my bedtime ritual with the water because of its purifying properties in the hopes that Lilith (and everything she represents) does not cause me to hurt myself in that sense at night when we are most vulnerable because it is our belief that the soul leaves the body at night to return to G-d to be refreshed, and we assume He will return it to us in the morning.  There is actually a prayer thanking and blessing G-d for doing so that we say immediately upon waking up.  I don't know if I was helpful at all, but I thought I'd share.  :D

About the swimming lessons, maybe find some other activity you'd like to do and say, "I appreciate your encouragement for the swimming lessons, but I just found out about ________ which I've always wanted to learn more about and get involved in now and it's a great opportunity."

Just an idea.

About "let go and let God," one problem with our addiction is we're always trying to exercise our self-control in order to beat it.  However, the addiction is much stronger than our self-control and will inevitably win out every time.  However, our addiction is not stronger than God.  So, we've got to just let go, get out of the way, and let God take over the fight.  It's a slogan from the 12-steps, and so "Let Go and let God," in practical terms, is contained within the steps.

I don't know if that helps.

Basically, if I understand correctly, we stop fighting the addiction head-on.  We enlarge our spiritual life, letting God into our lives more and more, relying more on Him and less on ourselves for ALL matters, whether dealing with other people--trying to be givers instead of takers, or giving up our negative character traits that wreak havok in our lives.  And, the more we feel our lives are filled with God, the less we need to fill ourselves up with fake pleasures.

I hope to reach this level some day, but I do feel that, in recovery, I'm getting closer to it little by little.

--Eye.