HASHEM!You know what I really want to do,
But I wont do it,because I love you.

A commotion takes place up above.
It is now very clear that the angels are in love.
In whose zchus was this one born,
this mortal man who takes the heavens by storm??

Hashem sits on his throne,proud as can be,
as he watches the angels jump up and sing.
He says to himself with a smile on his face,
if only my boy knew what he does to this place.

The Fall

I’m broken
I’m feeling down
Hashem my love
nowhere to be found

I try to stay strong
but I just fall again.
When will the day come
when this nightmare will end?

My son my son
I’m right here by your side!
Why would I go
And why would I hide?

Do you think I'd leave you
when you need me most??
My child I love you
says the heavenly Host.

Walking down the road
my heart is torn.
Why can't I be good?!
And stop watching porn?!

There surely must be
a special place for me in hell.
It's the forth time already
this week that I fell.

My son my son
Please pick yourself up
Why do you beat yourself??
Enough is enough!

I gave you the hardest mission
this'll take a bit.
But it'll never get done
if yourself you always hit.

Hashem must be so mad at me
I say to myself
I keep breaking my word
Hurting my neshama’s health.

Will I ever be clean
Will I ever be good?
When will I be perfect
Always doing what I should??

My child did you not listen
When I said you were my son.
Does a father leave his child?
You are my only one.

The test I gave
Takes a lifetime to fulfill.
My son please have some patience
You’ll make it, yes you will.

PLEASE FIND THAT URI AND BRING HIM BACK, ACTUALLY, JUST BRING HIM TO SHUL ON YOM KIPPUR.

I trust in you that you will come out stronger from this one just like you did the other ones.

Gam Zeh Yavor!

Just do some damage control so there's less of a mess to clean up when your done with this tantrum of yours.

uri, you mean so much to me and to everyone on gye
we would not be the same people without you
that we are today because of you
you give us chizuk and write us songs
and sing for us and tease us
you post smileys, and hugs, and tefillos
and torah
you make us smile and cry with inspiration
you have such a holy neshama
Hashem loves you
we love you

THESE ARE THE UNDENIABLE FACTS.

you are very special.
that's all.
that's what we know
that's what Hashem knows.

letakain21

Ok fine you guys got me
ill stay
i really have the best sisters in the world
and me3 is very good at quoting other people's songs
ur going places,man

Okay.
After a pretty miserable Yom Kippur,I had a long talk with guard,mom,and struggle.
My father,mother,and older brother.
I've been pretty depressed lately.
Why?
Cause I suffer from chronic depression.
Meaning: I go through periods of intense depression without a noticeable cause.These periods can come and go out of nowhere.

When I am up,I am happy.
I am living.
I am creative.
I am a masmid.
I am enjoyable to be around.
I am proactive.

And then,out of nowhere,it all dissappears...
I am lost.
I am empty.
I am fragile.
I am dead.

I freak out.
I am ashamed.
I am naked.

And I fight it.
I fight it with all i have.
But it almost always overcomes me.
And I run.
I dive for cover under my shell.
And wait till the storm passes.
I dont pick up phone calls.
I am miserable.
But at least I am safe.
I need love so much at that moment.
But I am scared to open up to it.
Because then I will be out in the open.
What if im rejected?
That would finish me.

Porn is safe.

That's the way I lived my life for so long.

But things are a bit different now.
Here there is unconditional love.
Here there is trust.
Even when Im down,when Im naked and empty,people still love me.
But it's taking me a while to get used to this idea.
Of people wanting to hear from me even when I feel I have nothing to offer.
It gives me strength.
So when I feel down and I run away from everyone,naturally i want to run from the forum too.
But that would be so stupid because this is my one place of trust.
This and Hashem.

I always run from Him too.
But I must get it into my head:
I don't have to run from Him.
He knows I suffer from depression.
And He loves me all the more for it.
He wants me as I am.
He knows that i wont be davening 3 tefillos when im really down.
He knows I wont be learning 3 sedarim when im really down.
He doesnt need those things.
He doesnt want those things.
He wants me.
As I am.
With anything I have to offer.

Depression is a blindfold.
A depressed person doesnt see good in the world.
He has to trust his instinct(and his memory) that it's there.
He must be patient and wait for it to be removed.
When his eyes are covered,He must trust the One leading him.
That's how trust is learnt.
(MOM)

When klal yisrael was taken out of mitzrayim,many outright miracles were performed.
G-d was clearly there beside them.
Then suddenly,they were in the desert,and He "dissapeared".
It seemed that He had "abandoned" them.
But that's where the test was,as we all know.
He was testing theyre trust.
(guard)

We must trust that the same Hashem who hugs us so often,
the same Hashem who led us here,
the same Hashem who brought us to this world,
the same Hashem who took us out of Egypt,
the same Hashem who gives us life each and every second,
the same Hashem who gave us GYE,

He is here.
And He will always be here.
And He has always been here.
And He will not leave.
No matter what.
And He is guiding us.
And He does not abandon us in the dark.
We just must call out to Him.
And we must have trust in Him.

And He will guide us.

My dear Uri, I need to ask - are you talking about a real diagnosis of Manic Depressive from a competent mental health professional? Manic-depressive, or bipolar, is a real disease, that cannot be solved by any amount of therapy, but requires real medication. Untreated, it can be terribly dangerous.

Of course, if you're just using it as a phrase, then nevermind  

kanesher,
i meant chronic depression.
thanks for catching that.
manic is insane.
chronic is just frequent.
i hope your y'k was uplifting

-uri

Welcome back Uri

yay!!
he's back!!
not that i was worried or anything.....

that was a really nice post uri. i especially liked the part about what mom and Guard said but no shocker there!

but my favorite- being printed- part?

Uri wrote on 28 Sep 2009 21:52:


right there.
uri in 2 paragraphs.

thanks!

uri- thanks for staying
and thanks for giving us a little more torah from R' Guard and mom.
as always, they tell it like it is

uri, thanks for staying...every once in a while i need someone to kick me in the shins real hard and no one here does that as well as you

seriously, dude, you are the life of the forum...dont go nowhere..

ratm

Did anyone say yet, " uri thanx for staying"  ;D
Not that I seriously thought you'd leave, or I'd be on my hands n knees begging...

Btw,


manic isn't insane. Its an illness. So is bipolar

i mean to insane levels of depression
like 1 to 10 to 1 to 10
the extremes

Got you. Sorry I misunderstood

Tireh Uri, thanks for staying on board.

But even chronic depression can reach clinical levels; and depression resulting from slight provocation needs to be looked into, prozac/zoloft can do wonders. Also, sometimes medication can act as a stabilizer until therapy can make things more stable.

Maybe it's worth looking into?