To whom it may concern,
My name is Uri.I live in the jerusalem area and i am a sex and love addict.This took me a long time to come to terms with,to say the least.But that we'll get to in a second.
I am finishing now my third year in beis medrash.While i have had success in my learning b'h,i have a source of shame and anguish that has caused me great depression on a constant basis.I lived (live really) two lives;my yeshiva/religious life which is the source of much admiration and pride from my parents and rebbeim.And then there is my "secret life", where I spend time ranging from 10 minutes a day to almost full off days fantasizing and worse acting out of all sorts.I feel like the worlds biggest hypocrite.It bothers me even more cause i find sincerity and honesty of the utmost importance, and i have to stand and watch myself trample all over these traits.After several years of therapy i have recently come to the realization that basically all of my "major" issues have come from this place.I have major issues in getting close to people and keeping friends once i feel that they know me too well.i have a hard time sitting by myself due to my uncomfortability of sitting with a unsatiable sex addict(however ironic that might sound).The need creeps up all too often,followed by a crazy need to satisfy it.There are several paths to this:porn,masturbation,contact with a sexual girl,and, strangely enough,eating out at restaurants,but that well get to a diff time.Anyway,there is one main girl,as there always is.we have had the weirdest on and off relationship,to say the least.the jealousy and overprotection i had with her is still a shock to me even.anyway im tired so i shall continue this tommorow,with G-d's help.Layla tov all

You came to the right place. The chevra here will understand you very well and relate to what you're going through. Do continue your story, we're all here for you! I'll bet that you have absolutely no idea how much we love you.

But please be advised that it's a one way street; once you came, you stay with us until you're totally on your feet. :D

Dear Uri,

Your Not Alone.

GYE is in business do to how many of us frum Jews many Talmidei Chachomim serious in every other part of the Jewish law but we all got stuck on the "WEB" the web of the Y"H & feel just like you do.

The Heiliger Reb Guard will welcome you very soon & will guide you to the hands books & will give you other helpful input. Listen to what he says & you will be on your way to a life of happiness.

You Must read the Hand Books first and you will be on your way to recovery when you implement what they say.

stay with us. keep on posting for 2 reasons.

#1 Daago B'Lev Ish Yisocheno L'Acheirim!
#2 Its will give all of us Chizuk to see another Holy Neshome Prevail.

Efshar Lesaken

Welcome Uri-

As everyone here willl tell you, you have come to the right place. We all love you and will understand everything that you have gone through till now and everything that you will go thruogh while on this journey. But please, post more of your story so we can share it with you. I can personally relate to a lot of what you wrote. You are fortunate to find this site as it is a lifeline for many of us.

Chazak V'ematz

Dear Jerusalem addict,

I am the admin of this site and forum. Welcome home.

You sound just like "Yerachmiel", the character in the story "The first day of the rest of my life". Download this PDF file and you will learn a lot of the secrets to beating this. The author of the book was himself a Bochur like you once, who is today the head of a sexual addiction center in Jerusalem. He would be happy to talk to you for free, and if you follow up with therapy through him, you can be sure that you will learn to change your life around. You say you've been going to therapy for a few years. Is your therapist trained in "addictions"? If not, you are likely wasting your time.

So here are my first three peices of advice to you.

1)  Download here the powerful PDF file, translated from the Hebrew book called "The First Day of the Rest of My Life", to help people break free of sexual addictions

2) Contact the author of the book here in Jerusalem, Rav Shraga Shlachter. e-mail: shragaschlachter@gmail.com. Tel: 052-6923065. Sunday and Wednesday from 9-10 PM

3) Read the two GuardyourEyes Handbooks (see links below)

Now that you've arrived here, there's no turning back. Everyone here will just grab a hold of you and pull you up, up, up!

We get cries for help exactly like yours every day, by e-mail and on the forum. Tzuras Rabim Chatzi Nechama    And that is why we created the GYE handbooks (links below). If you read them well, from beginning to end, slowly, and try to implement what you read, you will find the answers within them to enable you to completely turn your life around. I cannot give you all the right advice in one short post, so I implore you, do at least this for yourself. You're worth it.

Also, join the daily Chizuk e-mail lists to get fresh chizuk every day, and post away on this forum. You will get tons of daily Chizuk and support. This disease can't be beat alone. It works best when you get out of isolation!

And we just started recently a 12-Step phone group that would be a tremendous step in the right direction for you and help you turn your life around. PLEASE JOIN DUVID CHAIM'S daily group. Not only will you learn the secret of the 12-Steps - which is known to be the world's most powerful program for beating addiction having helped millions world wide, but joining the group will be another way of GETTING OUT OF ISOLATION and connecting with others who are going through what you are. This is VERY important.

Let me tell you a little about the two GuardYourEyes handbooks. They lay down the cornerstone and foundation of our work, and they make our network much more effective and helpful for people.

You see, until now, people would often get "lost" when coming to our website, not knowing what tips and techniques to try. For example, a beginner wouldn't jump straight into therapy or live 12-Step SA groups, while on the other hand, someone whose addiction was more advanced wouldn't be helped by the standard tips of "making fences" putting in "filters" etc... So it was essential to develop a handbook which details all the techniques and tools to dealing with this addiction in progressive order. Now with these handbooks, anyone can read through and see what steps they've tried already, and if those steps haven't worked, they can continue on through the handbook where the steps become progressively more powerful and "addiction-oriented".

And the second handbook, called the "Attitude" handbook, can also help anyone, no matter what level of addiction they may have. Often people write in to us saying that had they only known the proper outlook & attitude that we try and share on the GuardYourEyes network when they were younger, they would have never fallen into an addiction in the first place! So we hope that through this handbook, many addictions will be prevented.

The handbooks are PDF files, set up as eBooks, and they have bookmarks and hyper-links in the Index, to make them easy to navigate.

Note: You might want to print them out to read away from the computer. Keep in mind though, that if you do this, you won't be able to click on the many web links in the articles. But you can always come back to them later. The truth is, it's anyway good to go through the whole handbook once without clicking on links, just to get an overview of all the tools available. Once you did that, you can start again from tool #1 and read each tool through more carefully, click the links and study each technique and assess whether you have tried it fully yet or not...

Right click on the links below and select "Save Link/Target As" to download the handbooks to your computer.

1) The GuardYourEyes Handbook
This Handbook details 18 suggested tools and techniques, in progressive order, beginning with the most basic and fundamental approaches to dealing with this addiction, and continuing down through increasingly earnest and powerful methods. For the first time, we can gauge our level of addiction and find the appropriate tools for our particular situation. And no matter what level our addiction may have advanced to, we will be able to find the right tools to break free in this handbook!

2) The GuardYourEyes Attitude
The Attitude Handbook details 30 basic principles to help us maintain the proper attitude and perspective on this struggle. Here are some examples: Understanding what we are up against, what it is that Hashem wants from us, how we can use this struggle for tremendous growth, how we can deal with bad thoughts, discovering how to redirect the power of our souls, understanding that every little bit counts, learning how to bounce back up after a fall, and so on and so forth...

P.S. And read also this story, which sounds a little similar to yours.

May Hashem be with you!

Hi Jerusalem addict -

Welcome to this sight. Everyone here can relate in some way to what you are saying. While the levels of addiction may be different for us all - we all have gone through some sort of addiction.

While there are people on this site to offer you advice one of the most important things this site offers is encouragment. Listen to people- how they are genuinely happy when you overcome even the smallest of obstacles.

Please continue posting - be honest to the site - and most of all be honest to yourself !

Ninetydays

Wow,i can honestly say im very impressed.i did not expect a response to my short intro let alone 7!and the responses were so encouraging too!i think im gonna like this site .i just had a very rough shabbos though.6 girls my age staying at my house.let me remind the olam that im a 20 year old boy for g-ds sake.of course 2 or 3 of the girls were good looking,one very much so.and a couple were not religious (my mom fancies herself a kiruv proffesional) so she was flirting a lot with me.i did all i could to present myself as a religious guy so dont mess but i regretted it all too often over the course of the shabbos.i could easily hook up with any of the 3, and even though i didnt i feel such an emptiness oy!why are girls so..so..everywhere!my shame was also on a high as i watched myself,mr. frum, flirting with a couple high school girls.what will be??!!i have a few clean days under my belt though (not that its such a big deal.even alcoholics have days off) .yes im aware that my atitude could use some improvemtn,but im undergoing at the moment a very strong inner strugle to not do anything i might sorely regret after.its hard to think of much else though..
uri
p.s. guard thanks alot for the advice.all aspects will iy'h be implemented.everyone else thanks for the encouragement

bs"d

hi there,
my heart is bleeding for your struggles... i sometimes find myself in similar situations, and it is very difficult and humiliating... i can tell you though that my life has completely changed since i have become a member of this forum. there is a multitude of advice and resources, and some will speak to you and help you, b"H. I can go on a bus, to the post office etc... without being tempted to flirt or fantasize, b"H. Some days are harder than others, but the words of the forum come to my rescue very very often. b"H!

You are in my prayers, and may HaShem bless you with freedom from your addiction.

Dear Jerusalemaddict, you did FANTASTIC over Shabbos. I don't know if anyone on this forum would have done better. We have all given up long ago on trying to fight lust head on. We know that in situations like you described, we will ALL have difficult struggles with shmiras ainayim, thoughts, fantasies, and who knows what else! Instead, we fight valiantly to avoid all situations of this nature - to whatever extent we can. We are lust addicts, for G-d's sake (as you write) and such situations are unbearably painful!

Next time you know you'll be in such a situation, maybe you can arrange to go somewhere else for Shabbos?

Anyway, you are a HERO. Keep up the great work and inspiration. Read the handbooks and keep posting here. This is your new spiritual family!

Uri-
I read the post about your Shabbos and all I could think was WOW! You did an amazing job. Yousay that your attitude needs improvement but I say you are headed in the right direction. You have been given such a big Nisayon so early on and you resisted the temptation to act upon it. This is itself a reason for a party. Also, your honesty is refreshing. So please keep posting your struggles and successes here and we will be here for you every step of the way.

Chazak V'ematz

Your new friend,

Hoping

jerusalemaddict wrote on 18 Jul 2009 22:12:


Dear Jerusalem Addict,

Maybe you should remind your mother that this kind "kiruv" is mekarev other things. I can't tell what the facts are, but is there not a question of yichud? And you must know that many ehrliche married men often do not allow strange women to stay in their homes. Even for "kiruv" purposes. Even if they are tzadikos.

Thank you you guys are such amazing sensitive pple i am mamesh amazed that there are such understanding pple out there.guard,believe me,i tried.but i hadnt been home in a while and leaving was not an option.im sure im not alone in this but when im in needy mode,i cannot talk to G-d at all.my shame is so intense and deep that i cant even look up at Him.i rush through davening(if i daven at all) and leave the shul for fresh air as soon as possible.and this is wihout me even acting out!!i know that G-d is if anything proud.but i cnt help myself.i feel this deep uch in myself.this need makes me feel so worthless and fragile.Hashem doesnt want to hear it.also,whenever i wake up i feel so needy.i dont know why that is davka after i sleep but thats when i feel most needy.in the meantime,ill just try to keep myself as busy as possible.all the best to everybody-uri
p.s. esnachtoh- believe me i tell my mom NO GIRLS.but the problem is,my family is a shtickle modern.as i often say,kiruv with girls usually means kiruv basar.

bs"d

Hi Uri,

just wanted to let you know that with HaShem's help you saved my life today. I was standing by the bus stop, when two pretty teen age girls started talking to me. i could have easily taken the opportunity to try and talk/flirt c"v with them, but your post shot into my brain (b"H), and i didn't. i didn't even fantasize about them. in your zchus! shkoiach! 

Thanks chl,the most inspiring thing in my opinion is to hear that u have inspired others.i was sitting here right now in an empty house staring at my computer wondering if its worth it when i decided to just see if i had any replies to my blog.i ended up reading trying's blog in the womens section,and that gave me the strength to keep going a while.not just hers but a few blogs that ive read on the site in the past hour.mamesh amazing people on this site,no joke.the sincerity,companionship, and courage of the pple on this site have really opened my eyes.i now fully agree that G-d gave me thois nisayon for a reason.hopefully i can learn alot from the pple here,and grow and develop like many of them have already.but on that note im going through really tough times here.ive been feeling very bored and lonely here.i sorely desire a woman friend,even if not for the sake of sex.just to speak to about the things on my heart and mind.i fear this loneliness will only grow until i finally succumb as i always do.but on the bright side,the yanks won yesterday

bs"d

Hi Uri,

thanks for your reply... boredom is our biggest enemy as many here will confirm. my biggest help was and is what you did today: reading through entire threads, from the beginning to the end... i have been learning for many years, but Teshuva always remained very much theory... until i read the stories on this forum. the people here teach me how to do tshuvah. it is a SA forum (and people here have different issues/problems), but in a more general sense it is a tshuvah forum (to me at least). one can learn techniques which apply to all different life situations, not just tikkun habris. the threads that inspired me to start posting were miribn's thread, and also habib613, as well the inspiring posts by R'Guard, a member called "London", and Dov. That was just in the beginning, now i have read, and participated in many other threads (incl. Momo, Noorah, Trying, 7up). This forum taught me, amongst other things, how much we need each other. we can't do it on our own. i live a different, a better and happier life with my wife and my child. there were no difficult sigufim, deep or hard to understand philosophical concepts, no moving to another city. just reading these stories, letting these people into my life. people like you who by sharing their stories can help me too to move in the right direction to give real nachas to Avinu shebashamayim.
Concerning sharing with girl-friends: i completely hear you... before i was religious, i had many girl-friends (not sexual) who just felt comfortable confiding in me. i was once told by a young woman who was running a shelter/group for abused and raped women that i am the only man she would feel comfortable inviting to one of their group meetings. now being religious for ten or so years it is a different story... although that still happens some times, HaSHem looks out for me, and i daven very hard, and i have guidance from a certain rabbi how to help them... although i hear and understand how you want to speak out your heart to a girl, i bless you that you won't do it, and that you won't fall.
Keep on reading this forum, it for sure will help you be victorious!