you're funny!

Mom pointed out something amazing to me today.

2 weeks ago I had a serious breakdown and almost did some crazy things.

Today I realized that that night was a tremendous hug.
It brought me down to the pits.
I was helpless,torn,and empty.
And from the ashes,a new me was able to arise.
Thank you Hashem!!

Im still a little nervous about shabbos.
Shabbos for me is a little anxiety-causing cause im cut off from everything.
I feel out of control.
But that might be a humongous opportunity for me,Im just realizing!
Wow,Thank you Hashem!!
What do I do to deserve all these beautiful hugs?!
Hashem  :-*

Uri wrote on 25 Sep 2009 12:25:


you write poems and insanely inspiring posts that help others be good
you smile at hashem
talk to him all the time
inspire others to talk to Him.....

the list goes on and on and on!

but even forgetting about that- what reason does a father need to love his son? the fact that you give him nachas just adds to it but even if you wern't you'd stil be His son!

uri,

its probably motzaey shabbat for you and i hope your shabbat was a smash...im sure youre familiar with the theme in recovery that has been mentioned a number of times: youve got to hit rock bottom before you can really recover...i think the reason is obvious: hitting rock bottom motivates you to never want to go there again...ive seen some pretty scary ratm before i chanced upon this site and i am scared of ever seeing that ratm again...one of the reasons i think its harder for single people to recover is because at 20 or 21 with no responsibilities and no one dependent on you,  you cannot possibly hit rock bottom...you are at that point in life, rock-bottom proof...uri, you should really give props to the Lawwwwd almighty for allowing you to hit rock bottom now when most people your age are just continuing to spiral down the addiction without any clue of whats up and whats down...

keep fighting
ratm

Keep on Amazing me! Please!

I agree with RATM that it's much less likely for a single person to hit "rock bottom."  But, it can indeed happen.  A simple example is someone whose addiction is causing his college grades to spiral downward.

kedusha,

i think you CAN maintain good grades and keep this addiction going, i think most of the college guys that get good grades are doing just that. I also think that flunking out of college is nowhere near rock-bottom...

finally, i got this in an email and its a little funny and since we're on an sa site talking about school and jobs, i thought what the hey:

a hareidi yeshiva boy (lets call him uri) is sitting on the number 2 bus in jerusalem heading to the kotel. a scantily clad chiloni girl gets on and sits right next to uri...uri, without missing a beat, calmly takes an apple from his bag and hands it to the girl...she is surprised and asks whats up. uri says "well, until chava got her apple she had no idea she needed to wear clothes, so i thought it might help you too." the next day the hareidi boy is sitting on a bus and the same girl gets on, this time dressed properly. she walks right up to uri and ands him an apple. he asks whats up. she says "until adam got his apple he had no idea that he needed to work, so i thought it might help you too."

i have alot to write
but for some reason,this morning i woke up feeling awful
Hashem knows that i havent been looking foward to Y'K
in fact,ive been dreading it since motzei y'k last year.
so He gave me the option to not go to shul,i guess.
I dont know really wat to think
im very congested so my brain is not working 100 percent.
my home is sometimes really unbearable.
things were going so well.
why do i have to get this double-whammy?
k,im going back to sleep.
g'mar chasima tova everyone

p.s. i still love You Hashem,even if You have to make my life difficult for whatever reason.im sure its all for the best.

Words to live by!

im suffering from really strong depression at the moment
im really angry at my parents
a little hurt by guard
a little hurt by everyone
my life is going nowhere
im in a lower place than i have been in years
maybe ever
i dont have strength anymore
im sick with a cold
i think i brought it ontu myself on purpose psychologically
its not about falling or not falling anymore
i just want to sleep and not have to wake up until this is all over

i dont even hav the emotional strength to cry right now
just last week i thought things were finally picking up
i was naive enough to think that maybe things would change
how foolish i was
i think im done with the forum
i think im done wth israel
im done with judiasm
the end.

Please reread your first line as true and disregard the rest of what you wrote.

lkt
felt the same way (mostly) an hour ago
still want to just crawl under my covers
but let's try.
at least just for this one last yom kippur
if you promise to go to shul, and to daven one amida with as much kavana as you can muster
then i promise too.
after y'k we'll see how you feel
promise?

what will that do

over yom kippur im gonna give it some thought and decide whether to return to the forum or not
right now im leaning strongly towards no
so if this is my last post,then goodbye all
and thank you

what?
davening?
really asking Hashem for hatzlocho with
your parents
with your relationships
with your job
with your depression
with your battle against the YH
with your music
with your neighbors
with your boss
with your tfilah
with your friends
?
i wonder what that will do?
at the very least, it will keep you sane to see if i keep up my end of the bargain (will it?)
was riding in a car on the highway right after RH and totally wanted to just open the car door and "fall out"
and so again and again i told myself no until i got home
you know what i learned from that?
keep trying until you get home
will you try again?