TrYiNg wrote on 18 Sep 2009 09:08:


is that a good thing?! :-\

It has come to my attention that people have been neglecting the forum
to attend to matters in the outside world
This is not acceptable.
I understand that there are sometimes that you need to take care of things,
However, these things should be done quickly
as to allow you to immediately return here
to your real home
Don't be using the outside world
as an escape
To avoid your real family
You are not required to have an outside life,
but you need to have  a GYE life!
Take Guard's example, he now sleeps right here
On the forum
In fact in the near future
We will be offering all meals here
(You cant survive on sushi, ice cream & Woodford)
That said (swallow hard) we will be closed till after Rosh Hashana
I want everyone to be brave,
try to be positive on Rosh Hashana
Even though you are away from home.
But please call home immediately
after Yom Tov so as not to worry the family!

A Gut Gebencht Yur

Me3 that was awesome.
so loling right now.
I'm gonna be really homesick over RH

me2
me3 i dont know if uve been properly accredited as being one of the funniest people on this forum.
in my opinion,ur def up there.

I had a long day and have slept as much of it as i didnt have to be helping.
I barely made any calls (sorry folks)
But I really love you all.
And you have changed my life.
And as MOMO said in his voicemessage to me that i just received:
This is our year guys.
We have each other.
We have GYE.
And we have Hashem.
I wish everyone here a gevaldige yomtov and a happy and sweet year.
THIS IS OUR YEAR CHEVRE.
I will spend the next 48 hours iy'h going through the list of members on this site(and hidden guests to who havent came out of the closet yet)davening for you all to have this year be the best ever.
This will be a year of healing.
This will be a year of growth.
This will be a year of hiskarvus laMelech.
This yea will be so awesome it wont know what hit it.
I think we are ready for 5770.
The real question is:
Is 5770 ready for us?

With a heart full of love-
Uri

p.s. and be mochel me please.
i cant afford the extra baggage
shkoyach

Thanks Uri

I will miss you over Yom Tov.

PS you still owe us your last therapy post.

Shalom chevra,

First of all,check the women's section.
There is a surprise waiting for everybody over there

My rosh hashana was.....different.
I'm not sure where exactly I am holding these days.
I have been through many crazy ups and downs in the past several years in regards to my yiddishekheit.
I have been at points where I was davening half hour shmone esreis,and learning till 1 or 2.
And I have had times where i didnt daven or put on tefillin for a day or 2.
All these ups and downs came with very strong emotions,as can be expected.
I was happy when i was performing well.
And I was depressed when I was not performing well.

My relationship with Hashem has became much more inner of late.
What do I mean inner?
I mean that my actions and "performance" are neither great or awful.
I'm just sailing.
And I'm trying to maintain a nice balance,a calm sea.
When I start jumpin all over the place emotionally,acting out comes very impulsively somewhere in that jumble.
But when i keep myself calm and collected,I am much more in control.
That means that even if i miss shacharis,no biggie.
Im not gonna beat myself over it.
What does that do for me or for Hashem?
Ill just daven now.
And if im too tired now,and i dont daven,ill just daven a bit later.
And if I dont daven later,ill just have to try to see that it doesn’t have to happen again tomorrow.
I never had this attitude before.
Ive always had to be “in control”
I gotta be on top of myself,or else ill slack off.
Or ill just sit around all day
Or ill fall off the face of the planet.
Uh….no!
That wont happen.
And I don’t have to be on top of myself for that to happen.
I can trust myself to do whats right.
I don’t have to beat myself up to keep me in line.
Not only is that stupid,but it is counterproductive.

All this is stuff that I discussed with my therapist last week.
I should be writing in that thread,but its a lot of deep stuff,and I want to understand it better first.
But I guess ill just post anyway or people will start coming after me.

Shana tova-Uri

WOW. I'll bet a lot of us are asking ourselves,  WHERE WAS THIS THERAPIST WHEN I NEEDED HIM - WHEN I WAS URI'S AGE?????

Uri, you are so fortunate. Not only is your therapist giving you great wisdom, but you are internalizing it very well. And that's just as amazing! - And to top it all off, you are sharing it WITH US. Isn't that, like, the best? Ok, mom's back. Yeh, I knew you'd say that. Ok, so SECOND best.

Uri, Just want you to know how your post (copied below) that were quoted in chizuk email on 9/17/09 helped me tremendously on Rosh Hashana.  I was getting a little worked up that I didn't feel the way I used to feel in davening, my shmonei esrei was almost the fastest in shul and then I remembered your post, hashem doesn't want me to daven like the guy next to me, he wants the best I can give, will my dreaming, feelinglessness and patienceless, it helped me alot, thanks.

[quote]
"He doesn't expect me to daven all of shmone esrei with crazy kavanah!!!!
'cuz I'm not there yet!!!!!
That would be someone else's tefilla!
And He wants mine!
Mine - with my "space in - space out - space in - space out"....
Mine - with my eyes drifting every once in a bit while I run to catch them...
Me - with my laziness...
etc..."

it helped me a ton, 2! at one point i started thinking "uch! why can't i daven normaly? where are the tears! don't you know how much is at stake?!"
and then i thought, calm down, concentrate on the words and if the tears come, they come. if not, Hashem loves me for trying my best even though i don't yet have a model davening- this is what i'm up to now and Hashem wants this tefillah!
THANK YOU SO MUCH URI!

You guys really make me
This morning i decided that today would be the first day of the rest of my life.
It was a very hard decision,to say the least.
I was sitting by my computer and i didnt want to move.
But sturggle convinced me.
And I went out.
And I found a job(ill get to that in a sec)
And I hung out with a few good friends.
And I davened mincha and maariv(barely,but still...)
And now Im home.
Im tired.
But i get the feeling that im gonna be tired alot iy'h.
And tired enough that the only comfort I need is just coming home itself.
Maybe eating.
Too tired to mas***
Yes.People can even get that tired

But now my worry is as follows:
Im really bad with commitment.
It freaks the heck out of me.
I always switch things around after a short term.
And now i have a job with a 6 hour shift!
Thats so hard!(for me,at least)
Ive never done anything like that before.
But somehow this is supposed to be part of my recovery.
So im doing it.
I like being in control.
I dont like handing over 6 hours of my day straight to some other guy.
What if i have a crazy bug-out in the middle?!
Ill have to just stay!
Cause im not in charge of my own time.
I have to learn how to relax that control and just chill.
Just trust......
Trust what?
I dont know.
Maybe just trust that ill be okay.
I think that's a start.
Wish me luck.
Im pretty scared.

-uri

URI! THAT'S ABSOLUTELY AWESOME! Kol HaKavod; this feels like one of those turning points - where, yes , the'll be challenges, but God, you just mortal wounded the demon. Sure, it'll struggle. But- wow!

Great move, Uri!

Mazal Tov on your new job!!

you helped me tonz too. my davening was terrible, but every few seconds i would push myself to have a spark of kavana. but the only reason i did that was because of your post. so thank you, uri.
and mazal tov on the job!

Oops Uri; you probably don't appreciate the violent metaphors. Sorry.

Uri wrote on 21 Sep 2009 17:43:
Thanks again for your posts, Uri and everyone else!
Yup, everything will be OK. Hashem tells us so, cuz He's here in the quiet, and even in our noise. To me, that makes all the difference. And it has very (very) little to do with me.