Uri,
About your long post, thanks for sharing. I’m new here, but you’ve given me so much chizuk even before I came onto this forum.
You’ve been in pain. I will not belittle. You understand the Gemorah better than most that says “Noach Lo L’Adam Shelo Nivrah Mishenivra” (It’s easier for a person not to have been born than to have been born). But we also know that Hashem only created us for our benefit and would never set us up for total failure.
But it’s HARD! DIFFICULT! It can be enormously PAINFUL! We feel EMPTY and VOID!
R’ Zelig Pliskin says that when you don’t want to think of the color Orange, what do you do? Usually, we say to ourselves “Don’t think of Orange, Don’t Think of Orange”. So what do you end up thinking of? Obviously Orange. What should you really do instead? Instead, you should think of BLUE. Concentrate on something good, or like R' Guard says, things to fill that VOID, things that make you feel better and accomplished.
So let’s start redirecting our thinking.
Who was it here that said over from the Steipler how much you gain in Shomayim from every ounce of effort that you put forth in these areas? So Let’s starting counting your accomplishments:
Let’s start making an Accomplishments List and Gratitude List for you URI, and please look at your list when you start going haywire. And of course, keep calling all of your friends and sponsors. Since I’m new here, I can only start with a few points. But when the going gets tough, take out your Accomplishment and Gratitude lists. The pain you have is real. Let’s mitigate it, step by step.
HaaSS Kataigor V’Kach Sanaigor Mikomo (Silence the Accusing Angel! And let the DEFENDER take his place).
The Bardichive RAV was the ultimate Saneigor (Defender). So let my friends Bardichev and Noorah who have been very kind and helped me over the past few days become the SANAIGOR. And let all of the other Heiligeh Tzadikim & Tzidkoniyos on this forum here join and defend you in Shamyim.
Accomplishments
You were crying in pain (Tears never go to waste; they’re filling the cup of Hashem along with HIS Tears)
You called Battleworm (every call and conversation to stop is an accomplishment and merits zechusim)
You called Mom
You spoke to Guard
You’ve started going to a Therapist, someone who understands your pain much better than most
You are holding us on the forum together
The Achdus you’ve created is UNBELIEVABLE!
You have written so many poems with so much meaning; They are just like the PIYUTIM
You have written and sung meaningful songs; just like the Piyutim
THESE POEMS & SONGS ARE REAL AND LIVING SLICHOS FOR US
You share your struggles and have given us enormous chizuk
The Ribono Shel Olam LOVES YOU more than anything you can imagine
HE only wants good for you.
But it’s painful. You sometimes don’t see a way out.
Try to mitigate vulnerable times. H-A-L-T – I find that when I’m H-ungry, A-ngry, T-ired & L-onely, I feel more vulnerable.
URI, YOU ARE SUCH A HEILIGE NESHAMA!
Nishmas
