Thanks guard and kutan But hearing shiurim online is still not like sitting in yeshivah...
Will check it out when I have time

:o
do my eyes deceive me?
is my post on the second page of break free?
u guys gotta keep posting to keep it up there
my friends i missed u all so very much.
whoever bet under a week is owed quite some money
im home tonight for a family members yartzheit.a gathering took place at my house so im home for the night.
i was debating maybe not even posting cause its just a tease and i would miss u guys even more after,but the heilege rebbetzin advised me that its best to check in and show and receive some love.
the past week or so has been thank Hashem very good.
the learning is geshmack.
im away from home.
im in touch with a few tzaddikim ffrom the forum thank G-d.they are keeping me standing.
i miss you all so very much.
i am pretty lonely sometimes.
i started off really strong and had a hard day or 2 right now.
i went to a wedding last night and was just sitting there wondering when the time will come when i will have my own one person to connect to constantly.
i came home pretty disoriented and decided to open up the parsha.
staring me in the face was athe story of the isha yefas toar.
basically wat it is is that the jewish soldier goes out to war and falls in lust(my own term).
hashem basically says whats gonna happen.
the guy lusts,gets sick of her(lust is quite fleeting),hates her,has a messed up home,has a rebellious son who gets killed by bais din,and so on...
i gotta fully remove my lust before any serious relationship goes on,or else my life is gonna be one heck of a rollercoaster.
love from j-town-uri

MUSIC TO MY EARS!!!!!!!!

PS LOUSE?? WHIPPERSNAPPER YES SMARTALLECK YES LOUSE NO WAY!!!!!

Rebbe its a zechus to be a louse
a)mom called me it so it is a reflection of love somehow(dont ask)
b)is it not written that by pharoh his magicians had no koach over something so small as a louse?
theres something special about lice,thats for sure
c) i could use the work on anavah
love from israel-uri

Uri (JA) wrote on 25 Aug 2009 20:21:


;D ;D ;D

any married fellow on the forum will be LOL when they see that, Uri!

As a mashgiach once said, "marriage is not as good as the bachurim think it is, and not as bad as the yungerleit think it is".

Uri, its GREAT to have you back, even for a day.

k

k u always make me smile
anyway chevra im exhausted and heading to bed.
it was such a zechus to be here tonight i feel much much stronger right now.
everyone seems to be doing very well.im so so happy
im not sure when i can post next but i miss u guys.
layla tov
-uri

chaval that i missed you being here! stay strong, learn geshmak, we're thinking of you and your songs keep us going!

Chevra,
This is not at all easy for me to write.
I feel alot of shame at this moment.
As i was afraid would happen,my depression/need/withdrawal has interfered with my life at yeshiva to a very intense degree.I feel such a degree of loneliness and intense inner turmoil that i cannot stick to the routine without going out of my mind.
But i am ashamed to admit this.I do not want to face the fact that i am not a regular yeshiva bochur.i do not want to face my sadness.i do not want to face my addiction.i do not...
Its one thing when im home during vacation.at that point,im using the time to fight the struggle.im my own person with my own challenges.its hard,but its not as hard as this.
I am not like the rest of the bochurim.I need....I need.
I take walks,pounding the pavement of street after street trying to just quiet myself for a moments time.
And i am even ashamed to admit my failure as a yeshiva student to my brothers and sisters here on this heilege site.Yes,that means you.My friends who I hid almost nothing from,who i have opened up to more than anyone in my life,who makes my pain an almost enjoyable battle sometimes.Even you I am ashamed to confront.
This is the third time i have come home since yeshiva started a week and a half ago.if i could,i wouldve returned in between every seder.Why?Because after years of struggling to find some way of healing the pain in some form of healthy manner,years of searching in vain,i had finally found this site.and it is a lifevest for me.And I felt so happy,for i knew immediately that this empty place in my heart which had been filled for so long with pain and lust could finally be filled with love,empathy,caring,and understanding.
And the world at that moment became a better place.
And I am not ready to go back to the sad world that I have been living in for so long.
Anyway,so I have been home,but for the most part did not post.Because I didnt want to hear comments of concern about me not being in yeshiva.
But dont you guys realize?I do not have what it takes.
Tonight the stress and intesnse feeling of depression(withdrawal) dropped even lower.I mamesh did not know what to do with myself.
I came home,impulsively really.
And I came on to the forum.
But I did not post how i was feeling.I was too embarassed.
Now here I am,with 12 days of cleanliness thrown down,becuase of my own unwillingness to admit my problem.Oy,meh haya lanu.
Are my only two options at this point s**/p***/m*** or GYE?
Will I be forever for the rest of my life extreme??
Do i have to purchase a laptop?
OY what will be,my dear friends.
-uri

p.s. my one peice of consolation for myself is that i did not make any calls to any girls.this fall took place alone.yay (sarcastic)

Uri! we're so happy to have you post!
I also sometimes feel, as a B.Y. graduate, that all my pairs are better than me. like they are all angels, working on small stuff while i have this huge struggle hanging over me always. Try to smile and cry to Hashem, not the y''h!
Get up, uri= Uru yeshainim mishenaschem! You can get up- we know you can! Also, it is a massive thing that you fell alone, without girls! Don't bellitle it! You already won half the battle! At least you didn't let the y''h win all the way. He's wounded and weakened in your books and even when he comes at you for the kill, he can't come full force cuz you're so much stronger than b4 GYE! I know it seems insignificant but it's really a real win and it deserves a smile. We're smiling and Hashem is smiling ;D!
now for some ideas: why don't you take a printed copy of the handbooks with you- bring GYE to yeshiva with you! Hide them in a place where if someone ends up finding them it won't point a finger at you. if someone does find them, then fine, great- they found 2 AWESOME handbooks!
Also, with your supreme, amazing writing talent you really should buy a journal! my journal's my best friend and we'd all benefit from any more poetry/songs that you'd write! you know those chidushai torah notebooks that are really journals that they sell in geula- if your near there at all? (a regular notebook also works but your journal is a bit more chashuv that a regular notebook!) I think your journal is definitely gonna be worthy to be called chidushai torah! buy one tomorrow, it'll be a life saver!

Keep smiling! Don't hesitate about posting- we know you only do it when it's important and it's such an important part of your life and no one will berate you for not learning when you need chizuk!

Uri...
what can i say at a time like this?
you're depressed and you feel alone, but truth is, we are ALL in the same boat. When I hear a shiur on teshuva, and i look around at my friends, I sometimes wonder what they're even doing there. My nice, pure friends, who never in their wildest imaginations would dream that the aidel girl sitting next to them is addicted to the internet.
and i also feel alone.
and sometimes, when i am surrounded by people, in a very stressful environment i also need my pacifier, the one thing that always made me "calm." the last time i fell i was under a lot of stress, and afterward i was so depressed. but it was different, for two reasons: a- because of GYE, i didn't fall as bad as i have in the past  b- I picked myself up afterward, scolded myself (a lot), and STOPPED what i was doing. because before, once i fell, i would just give up. and this time, i stopped!
and you did too. you fell alone. do you know how big that is?!?!?

Uri- yes, you're different. but you're special. and Hashem loves you so so very very much!

You aren't a failure as a Yeshiva bachur. It's a rigorous schedule, and everyone needs a way to vent every once in a while. you are used to venting in a very unhealthy manner, and so yeah, it's got to be hard to stop. but in no way are you a failure.

Uri, we are always here, and you are always in our tefillos. you aren't alone.
(here i wrote something a little mussar-y. i took it out)

now it's morning for you, and i don't even know if you'll see this, but please uri, don't get depressed. As pintele yid wrote somewhere (i think on tomim's thread) atzvus is the yetzer hara's biggest tool.

hatzlacha rabba in your tremendous fight for Hashem against the yetzer hara.
habib

:'(  :-\     
you guys are so amazing
i wish you really were my real sisters.
i think i would be in a much different place today
and of course i have a journal.what do u think i am?a sex addict??
-uri

i was not going to post here, but your post begs a response...
(not that this is a chiddush for you )
you are amazing!

Dear Uri, you don't have what to be embarrassed about. We understand you perfectly. You had a very difficult upbringing, which translated itself into the disease that you have now; a desperate neediness, lonliness, and a subconscious "hole" that you learned to fill and medicate over the years through acting out. Hashem doesn't give such tests to regular souls. They'd have no chance. We've all gotten a peak at the brilliance of the soul that shines underneath this addict's messed up mind. We've all been blown away by its power. But you're not gonna be able to just walk away from your problems. You need more than just "anonymous group support". You need either real face-to-face SA groups, where you will learn to work the 12-Steps into your life with a sponsor, or therapy to help you deal with your past and learn how to break free and rebuild yourself anew.

You owe it to your amazing soul - and to all of us at GYE!

I highly suggest getting in touch with one of these two therapists:

Dr/Rabbi Naftali Fish - Jerusalem, Native English Speaker
Torah Based Psychotherapy, combined with meditation and hypnosis techniques
"Healing the Inner Wounded Child"
Office: 02-5376514  
Home: 02-6722663
Cell: 052 2639325  
e-mail: nachatruach@walla.com
Situated in Jerualem

Rabbi Shraga Shlachter (English and Hebrew Speaker)
Working with sexual addiction in the frum community for many years.
Trained in the 12-Steps (and author of the book "The First Day Of The Rest Of My Life")
Low Rates
Cell: 052-6923065.
E-Mail: shragaschlachter@gmail.com  or  hayomharishon@gmail.com
Situated in Ramot or Kiryat Yovel


One last note.
No addict is strong enough to change on their own. The most important thing to remember is that while we are on the "ACTION COMMITTEE", Hashem is on the "RESULTS COMMITTEE".
We won't succeed to BEAT it, all we can do is keep doing OUR PART. And when we do ours, Hashem will do His!

What is "our" part?
Well, it depends on the level of the addiction.
Read the GYE handbook.
- keep posting here
- keep calling your friends
- get in touch with an SA or SLAA group
- Work the 12-Steps
- Get in touch with a therapist

And if you do yours, be sure that Hashem will do His. Put your trust in Hashem!

With all our love and sympathy,
Guard and the GYE Family.

1)no computer in yeshiva
2)i do
3)none in the area
4)im not holding there yet
5)i have one.a very good one

i will call rav shlachter and see what he says though.
guard,i dont know if anyone ever told you this before but youre a major tzaddik its a big zchus to be in contact with you
-uri

NOW THATS A COMPLIMENT