and guard posted another song of mine,if anyones interested

Very interesting article i found on chareido.net
i actually held this for a long time.finally someone agrees with me

Positive Mantras are Downers in People with Low Self-Esteem
According to a study published in the journal Psychological Science, people with low self-esteem feel worse about themselves after engaging in self-help type mantras to improve their moods. Researchers from the University of Waterloo and of New Brunswick asked volunteers to repeat the phrase "I am a lovable person", measuring their feelings about themselves before and after the experiment. While those with low self esteem felt worse after uttering the positive praise about themselves, their emotional state actually improved when they were permitted to express negative thoughts as well, prompting the academicians to conclude that overly positive self-praise can provoke contradictory thoughts in individuals with low self-esteem.
July 04, 2009

Send it over to Bardichev.
I'm sure he'll have a interesting comment to add.

Uri (JA) wrote on 11 Aug 2009 19:58:

I dunno. I much prefer the credo of "To heck with me. What can I do for you? :D

i like that alot dov.i think thatll become my new saying

Good afternoon my dear friends,
My day was spent at the zoo.
The very first thing i noticed was that im sorry to say but many times chareidi women dress sexier than their secular counterparts.Or maybe it was just the fact that chiloni women i immediately look away from,while chareidi women im lured into the trap of s&l(staring and lusting).either way,these crowded areas often lead to negiah problem which brings me to a thought i often have:
People often discuss this idea called negiah derech chibah.What the heck is negiah sheloh derech chibah???
The only woman who touches me who doesnt excite me is my mother!!I kno im an addict,but i can it be that i always get shivers from touch while other pple are all the way on the other end with no reaction whatsoever??!Not fair,to say the least.
Anway,so aside from the bumps and sighs(of exasperation from yours truly.G-d you sure do love these tests!)
from day was filled with alot of chessed,and i feel exhausted but wonderful.dov's manta is very much stuck inmy head and instead of waiting for my bug-out to start getting acting helping out,i want to be in that consdtant state as much as possible iy'h.thank you dov.love from the holy land-Uri

Uri (JA) wrote on 12 Aug 2009 07:00:

Well, keep it that way - I doubt a song called "To heck with you (or me)" would sell a lot of recordings. Though, you never know - the folks who don't get it and think it's actually about self-bashing may lap it up! (oooh, i'm baaad, real bad...)

My dear brother Uri,

Unfortunately you are 1000% right.

Many "frum" people dress a lot less Tznius than non frum women, and as the Gemara says, they will need to give a Din V'Cheshbon for dressing in a way that makes you or anyone else have Hirhurim Ra'im or worse.

Tznius is more than just covering the elbows, knees and kneck. Often these areas are covered, but the dress is so tight thatthe entire form is visible; this is 100% Asur Al Pi Halacha. And those who dress this way or encourage/allow their wives/daughters to dress this way will need to give a Din V'Cheshbon as well.

Your job is to avoid these areas where you know you will be exposed to these sites. If it is a place that is frequented by "frum" people who don't take Tznius seriously and don't care for the word of Hashem, YOU don't belong there.

May Hashem continue to give you the strength to be the boss of your eyes and mind, as there is no greater gift in the world!

Chazak V'Ematz!

Dear Uri-

I agree with you. "negia Shelo b'derech chiba" isn't for us addicts. As far as the rest of the world- ain't my business and I can't afford to think about it.

With lots of love,
hoping

A big tzadik once told me (actually, told my good friend) that it gets easier with age.
Problem is, he lived to the ripe old age of 94, and  I think he was in his eighties when he made the comment!!!
Well, at least there is something to look forward to!

He was also known, but the way, to walk over to teenagers learning Sharei Teshuva and advise them to stop. He would tell them "Sharei Teshuva  is for Sinners".
He knew they were not tzadikim. But he was a long time mechanech, and knew that today the avoida is to realize that we are NOT sinners, that we are special.

His name was R' Nesanel Quinn, ztl.  R' Shraga Feivel Mendolovitz considered him to be his talmid muvhak.
He was SUCH a special man.

When he was in his nineties, he would help out with the high school boys. One particular boy  was a very hard case. One day the boy comes in to the principals office all shaken up. What happened? He (the boy) related that he had acted up  previously and R' Quinn had heard about it and come over to him and said, please have rachmonus, ... I've been fasting as a zchus for you to improve.
The boy said, imagine, a ninety year old man is fasting for me!

kutan

Hope you were nice to the kangaroos. I love watching the babies in the pouches!

Unfortunately, I have to agree with your accessment of clothing. Personally, I find it easiest to remind myself that iyH they are working their way up in the realm of tznius, and not ch'v down. I daven Hashem should help them want to be tznius b'simcha.
We all judge the external, and that is not nec off, but if there is any one lesson Ive learnt here on GYE, is how very wrong we can be.
Nothing hurts me more than seeing 'frum' people causing a chilul Hashem by their actions, speach etc. Its a fact; someone frum (especially chareidi) is automatically put on a higher plane and different actions are expected. No one looks twice at a chiloni smoking, drinking or swearing. A chareidi??? Not only will he ruin his own reputation, but drags the whole group down with him. Or her. "Kol Yisrael areivim ze la'ze". 



Me whopping the kid who just smeared mustard all over his sister! :D

Kutan-you always put such a smile on my face
mevakesh-a kanai as always
dov-its taking me a bit to get your humor.sorry
hoping-good point.idk why i worry about others triggers
finally mom-alot of pressure,no?in other societies pple slowly move up levels of frumkheit depending on where they are holding.in the yeshivish/chareidi society,within and outsideof the community,perfection(or at least very shtark) is demanded and nothing less is acceptable.i dont know how it got this way,but uch!im not such a fan of the circumstances.thats why chitzoniyus became such a hot thing these days.people are given any room to grow at their own pace."Youre going online?Goy!" but what if im not at that level yet?im just gonna sneak to the internet cafe and watch movies to my hearts desire all the night long.OY what has become!!
7Up wrote on 12 Aug 2009 18:04:

doc??where are you?!youre needed in the forum here!

kutan shel hachabura wrote on 12 Aug 2009 17:37:
This thought is mentioned by Rav Pam also. He writes in Atara Lamelach that today we cannot do teshuva by focusing on how bad sin is. That would only hurt us and drag us down more. Rather we should focus on our miylos and how chashuv we are as the descendants of the Avos and as the bearers of Yiddishkeit and strive to improve ourselves.

Uri, my wife and kids were in the zoo today too! really.

They told me they saw someone with a guitar and a shining face walking around in the cage of lions without fear... Was that you?

Yes, places like the zoo are really tough for us addicts... We just need to completely let go of the lust and keep our eyes focused downward and/or away at all times... This takes a lot of practice and a lot of time till it works easy as it should - "kal Kanesher" as Chazal say... Don't get discouraged. Every time you turn away is priceless... It all adds up. Even if you slip and gaze, you haven't lost the times you turned away. Eventually you'll have enough "turned away" coins in your bank to purchase true "shmiras ainayim" and freedom.

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