Uri-

I haven't had a chance to follow your thread for a while so I apologize for not commenting earlier. I have nothing to add in terms of advice to what has already been said  but I wanted to comment on one line in your song.

You wrote:





I have to say that I have been mired in the garbage of my addiction basically since you were born (about 20 years). I have tried to stop tens (maybe hundreds) of times without success. I do not know what tomorrow will bring, but I do know that today I am experiencing real recovery. I had basically given up on the notion of ever experiencing this. My biggest hope was that I would be lucky enough to die during a clean period and that my cleanliness would be accepted as some level of Teshuva. Now I am beginning to see how I can make very slow progress internally which will eventually lead me towards my goals in life. This does not mean that I will ever be finished recovering, just that I no longer view my addiction as the enemy. If anything, it is a catalyst which helps me focus on improving myself at a very basic level. I can say that I needed (need?) my addiction in order to make changes in my life that should be made anyway. So while you may be experiencing much pain in the attempt to break free, maybe it will help to shift focus to real self-improvement as is being discussed by Dov and others.

With much love and increasing admiration,

Your true friend,
Hoping

Hoping,
I cry for your lifelong struggle.I really cant imagine how hard it is to bear this stupid illness for so many years.
makes me realize the real gradual process of healing,and the need for patience.
Chevra,i am so bored.this vacation is too long,in my opinion.im sung out for the time being and my fingers hurt.somebody post something on my thread soon and or im gonna have to resort to creating a crisis. shkoyach -uri

hoping wrote on 11 Aug 2009 04:31:


Hoping, wow. I've also been struggling with this for 20 years, trying hundreds of times. I have also given up the notion of real recovery. I also hope to die during a clean period. I echo EVERYTHING you wrote, except for the part about experiencing REAL recovery. I feel that since I've joined GYE, I've been REALLY trying, but as they say, being close without hitting the mark is only good for horseshoes and something else (I forget). My only real hope is that since I've joined Duvid Chaim's calls one day I'll see real recovery, and that it's just a matter of time.

Don't wait for that day to come.  Make today that day. It will not come on its own. Inspiration comes from within.  And you, Momo, have it.  spring forth your true desires and throw away your old life as you instantly "Let Go". Then use DC's calls to help you direct your inner inspiration for proper growth in avodas hashem as you "Let G-d" into your life.

It is in your heart and your mouth to act today and not delay.

Looking forward to success.

With Love,
Yaakov

P.S. I am scheduling my calendar.  I like to book things in advance.  When should I expect your 90 days? Oh, and please please use the 90 day system that guard created for us. I noticed you signed up, but never use it.  Make sure you click the checkbox that allows your info to appear on the screen. (yours is not checked)  It is a great motivator helping you take it one day at a time.

Ykv_schwartz wrote on 11 Aug 2009 11:23:


Yaakov,
Please don't kill my last hope! It's the only thought that carries me from day to day.

Ykv_schwartz wrote on 11 Aug 2009 11:23:


I've given up with the chart. It put too much pressure on me. I was also embarrassed of going on and off the chart so often, so I unchecked the options.

I DON'T THINK I CAN DO THE 90 DAYS!!!

Momo,
You WILL prevail.
do it your way. But keep trying. And changing. Look and try new ideas. Scour the forum and site.
Your no different than anyone else here. Of course we are all unique. But we all have a neshama and a guf and all that goes with it.
Remain determined and don't give up!

For me, the very fact that Momo and Hoping and Uri and all are working at this seriously, gives me the incentive and push to laugh at the YH that comes my way daily.

So, your work is already showing fruit, and in shamayim you will get full credit for that alone, besides the credit for your own work.

kutan

Momo wrote on 11 Aug 2009 11:30:

Momo, I know I can't do 90 days!!! I'm not kidding. Nevertheless, it has been 11.5 years of knowing that so far, and sober. I am not strong, and charts do nothing for me, either, but a chevra does, and so do the steps. Life is getting better every year on His schedule, not mine and not yours. None of us can carry the weight of his own sobriety on his shoulders. None of us. Not even Momo. So, there.

Dov,
i LOVE you. I really do.

Simply unbelievable.

kutan

bs"d

me too!

me three ;D
(hey, just taking Hashem's lead here!)

Wow.Ok i dont really have anything to add,besides for me 4
you guys are amazing.

Im only going to join this important kalus rosh when we reach # 7
up up up! :D

Chevra.I hope everyones doing well.
I spent the day away from home.yay!
I was with a friend at his work keeping him company.
on my way home i decided to hitch(based on the fact that im poor as dirt).
As luck would have it,there were 2 good looking girls at the hitching post.
One smiled at me and started to talk to me.
Chevra i wish i could say i didnt respond,but impulse took over:i flashed a smile back.
but at least i didnt extend the conversation  :-\
A car pulled over shortly after,but only enough spots for 2.
uch!now i have to wait alone.
wait?now i get to wait alone!thank you hashem.you know how hard this nisayon is for me.
i started to hum,which quickly turn to song(anovim.you gotta hear meidad tasas version www.shlager.net/?articleID=1546 its beautiful.)
Anyway,the good feeling soon wore off as i stood there while cars passed barely giving me a glance(a benifit of being chareidi ).
Soo let me get this straight hashem.you hug me then step on me?
this cant be!!if He loves me,He loves me.This must be an oppurtunity for growth.
I started saying over and over:hashem.you bring the cars.if u want me to get a ride,itll come.
A minute or so later,a car pulled over.it was a direct hitch too!
Now i was smiling again(its amazing,the mood swings of us youngsters).
The smile was wiped off my face as we passed a girl on the side of the road not dressed 1000% and i took an extra long glance.
I felt like trash.Hashem just gave me 2 beautiful hugs,and this is how i respond??
Then im like wo!just because hashem hugs me,does that mean my addiction is gonna fall away?my lifelong mission will be fulfilled?just like that??
Of course not!!My friends,we all know that the more we notice these hugs,the more they will penetrate us and change our inside.
We must stop looking at individual instances.lets look at the overall picture.
The tyetzer hara isnt just making us focus on lost battles as opposed to the war.
Hes making us cry over these small trips that we soldiers have smack dab in the middle of the battle!!
how ridiculous would it be if the following scenario were to take place:
A soldier stops in the middle of a gunfight and puts down his gun.His friend stares at him in shock.What are you doing??!!
The soldier answers "There's no hope.I'm a failure".He starts to sob.
"What are you talking about??Have you lost your mind??!"
The soldier looks at him sadly."No,you dont understand.I missed."
Make no mistake about it.The y'h is trying to make us become that soldier.Pathetic!        -uri

He got it!!!!!
Hey, gang; he got it!
Our Uri figured out the secret  and he got it!!!

THERE AINT NOTHIN; LIKE THOSE HUGS

NOTHING

NOTHING

NOTHING

You lucky lucky boy!

bs"d
Uri (JA) wrote on 11 Aug 2009 19:06:


great mashal