Hi Uri,

Your posts have really impressed me. Your sincerity shines through, and your honesty is refreshing. You are really 'real'.

Chl, is on the ball. As usual. 
Reading whole threads, or following one members posts wherever they may be written really helps a lot. This way you really get to 'know' each member; their overall perspectives, their ups and downs. And one thing is for sure here on GYE; the more you get to know everyone, the more in awe you will be!

Hold on and stay strong! Everyone here is holding your hand

im struggling very much here.too much time on my hands,feeling very depressed,and craving strongly.ive set myself up in a situation that everyone expects to see me busy with learning and such,especialy if i have free time.but i cant!i need to break out of this!!
my therapist pointed out to me that even though i am extremely sociable,i feel so lonely because i cant share such a huge part of myself.how true!this takes up so much of my life,and its been inside for so long.i hope this forum cn become a place for me that i can be myself,with all that that comes with.

Dear JA,

When feeling bored, please read through the handbooks! You can't beat this on your own. Learn the tools that WORK.

"Yesodos" just wrote yesterday on the forum:

I've printed out the handbook and attitude books, and I've been working my way through them. I have to say that they are utterly brilliant. My favourite thing about them is that they provide me with so many different TOOLS to fighting the addiciton. I really used to feel ILL-EQUIPT in dealing with the dreaded urge, and all I'd be able to tell myself was things like 'come on, just fight it' or 'try harder', without really having any idea of HOW to effectively and creatively work around the problem. Kol Hakavod for providing this service!  

thanks guard,but im at the point right now where i am soo not in the mood to read that stuff.i know its counterproductive but at the moment im just trying to keep myself from doing anything stupid.hopefully i can get to sleep and tomm start reading the handbook.i started reading "first day" and im enjoying it immensely.i emailed the author too.thanks for the suggestion.
im not sure exactly when last week i acted out but i know for a fact ive been good since friday.that makes today day 4 then i guess.yay

here i am several hours later.its now 2 30 and ive been tossing and turning for the past 2 hours.i just had a really crazy close experience.i was by my computer and my tayva had overcome me.i started watching this porno,and i knew my streak was about to end.but for the first time in my life that i can remember,i turned off the movie in the middle!idk why but i had a flash of thoughts go threw my mind and i knew i had to stop.so i did,and i switched to watch a simpsons episode.alas,an hour later the tayva overcame me again and before i could stop myself,i had opened the same video i had started to watch earlier.but something in me was resisting just as wildly.i scanned my mind for the thoughts which earlier had stopped me mid-stream and i realized what one of them was.i thought to myself:this is fake.this is not real affection,love,connection.this is a guy using a girl as a tool.he doesnt even know her name probably.this "realization" for some reason hit me hard,and brought enough hesitation that i was able to get myself to quickly turn off the computer.now im by my family computer in the family room,which is safe when pple are home,and im afraid to return to my secluded room.what will be?!

3:30 ,my strength is slipping away

JA,
Hang in there and keep coming back. you haven't even yet met ALL the heros here. There is London and Dov and Jack and Momo and it goes on...
Each of us struggles with this problem in our own way, and these heros are real inspirations on dealing with it.
Just give them a chance to check in on your post....
And remember to take it just one moment at a time.
We love you!
kutan

HI Uri,

Im on my way out so cant respond at length. Im so sorry we werent awake to help you when you 'called out' last night. But never forget, Hashem never sleeps, and even more importantly, He is WAITING for your call. Talk to Him, and beg Him to take over the fight. None of us can do this alone.

I dont know if you made it through the night or not, but I do know that either way, you have a right to feel proud of yourself. How often - if ever - have you been able to hold back, never mind turn off the movie in the middle??? Stopping before you begin is hard enough, but to resist while already into it is absolutely amazing!
Here on the forum we often discuss the power of a single second. FOR EVERY SECOND THAT YOU HOLD BACK, YOU ARE REWARDED! "l'fum tzar l'agra" Those seconds are atom bombs of zchar!

Gotta go, but will be back to shmooze later. IN the meantime, how about looking into a filter?!

chevra,5 days clean!i have no iea how i made it through last night.i mamesh felt like crying at times.even now i feel so empty and uch.i was up till morning reading blogs and such till i finally passed out from exhaustion.i appreciate the warm comments and iy'h i wil try to hold the fort.i am looking for a sponsor though.(is it so bad for me to much rather a female sponsor?i just find them much easier and better to talk to).last night made me aware of the need for one.
a filter is not so much an option.my father isnt interested and anything i set up i know how to dismantle.but also i dont do well with removing potential obstacles.for some reason when theyre gone i become all the more desperate and impulsive.i can only keep myself in check with myself,if that makes any sense.then again,could be my yetzer hara talking.-uri

You're a real hero JA, but you are trying to fight the yetzer Hara with a PEA SHOOTER. You need to learn the TOOLS, and this can only happen by reading the handbooks.

I also HIGHLY suggest you STAY in touch with the author of the book "the first day..." He can really help you, but you may have to go to him for therapy. This is your life we are talking about!!

And GET THAT COMPUTER OUT OF YOUR BED-ROOM. I ask you, how in heaven's name do you expect to become sober from this "drug" you are addicted to, when it's only a "mouse-click" away??

Your "withdrawal" symptoms are normal... Read Jack's time-line here: www.guardureyes.com/GUE/OurStories/Determined1.asp

Jack is sober now for about 8 months!

And read ALL the amazing stories of recovery on our site: www.guardureyes.com/GUE/Stories/StoriesRecMain.asp
You will see how people even worse off that you have recovered.

Keep strong. You have begun the journey that your soul was sent down to this world for. There's no turning back.

P.S. Are you signed up for the daily Chizuk e-mails? This is VERY important.

My Dear JA-

Wow! What fortitude it must have taken to get through last night. But Guard is right, there is no way to continuosly win such massive fights with the Y"H. READ THE HANDBOOKS! this does not have to be in one shot, nor do you need to be successful in internalizing them immediately. The point is not even to guarantee lifelong cleanliness from day 1 (although that would be nice. The point is to slowly change perspective in a way that will help in the long term. I wish you all the Hatzlacha and good things in the world.

Your friend,
Hoping

i hear.yea i know i put k9 on my computer in my room,and ill get to reading the handbooks.i almost fell big time today but somehow im still clean,b'h.
i like what u said hoping about the internalizing and changing perspective over time.
wish me luck,chevra

Wow! now that just comes to show that "You Got The Power!" to fight.

Keep it up! but you will have to read the hand books & follow it!

Believe me, it helped me out of the Dumps!

"Mood Shmood" like bardichev says. read it without being in the mood.

Efshar Letaken
but u can't Win if you don't Fight

bs"d

we're rooting for you, uri. G-d is really watching out for you if you're surviving these close calls.

jerusalemaddict wrote on 21 Jul 2009 17:56:


It was easy for me to say, now I just gotta do it! And with Hashem's help I will, and so will you!