And when I get up there and G-d says to me "Why'd you spent your whole teenage life sitting by a computer indulging in fantasies?"
And I'll tell Him "are You kidding?Look at the father that You sent me!He is the biggest )(*&^&*((*&^*(&^ abusive ^&*&^(*&^(* most hateable %&$%#@ son of a @#$#@ that ive ever met.
Id rather have hitler as a father.
Or ahmadinejad.
No wonder my mom gets so friendly with other men.
No wonder every kid in my family has major major issues.
No wonder I'm an escape addict.
What a rasha.
Thank g-d i dont have a gun
Or I'd be in jail by now.

I feel with you. Can say the same thing. (bout ma mom)


totally.

One difference. I use my anger to tell myself time and time again." NO . You won't win.  NO, I won't allow  you to ruin my life just cause you ruined yours. YES, I will live. Not just survive…Yes, I will overcome this (although you placed every obstacle in the world in front of me). YES, I won't rest until I'm totally different than you are. Yes, that will be the sweetest revenge"

URI and TRYING,

I REALLY HOPE YOU ARE CATCHING THE HUGE HUGS IM SENDING YOU GUYS.

Oy, the mom in me just wants you guys here with me already.
tRyInG; someday
Uri; we spoke

Reminder: You are never alone again. GYE doors are always open for you 24/7
:-*

Uri wrote on 01 Oct 2009 08:10:


Uri, I do have a gun. I've managed to stay out of jail - and my father isn't worth more then yours, trust me. Been there, done that. At some point in my life I decided that he could go to hell. I was going to live.
God, it's rough. But that's the ultimate vengance - to conquer the hell, and ultimately, realize he could never really hurt you - "What ever doesn't kill you makes you stronger" (Nietzsche) - and ultimately forgive him.

To realize that he probably had hell as a child too. And to realize that you wouldn't be any better if not for the grace of HKB"H that you have guts to say - it ends here. This generation.

Uri, you're going to therapy. So your kids won't have to. You're picking up the broken pieces of soul. SO your kids won't have to. You're developing how to be a human being - a tzelem elokim - and a real husband - and your wife won't be flirting with everyone else.  But that's your choice, and your change.
On autopilot, you'd be just like him.
But you made a choice. No more. Ad Kan. It ends here. And that is the sweetest victory.

Trying,i so much admire your atitude.youre a very special girl
kanesher-the words that you speak are brilliant.One of the most famous philosophical books of our time is a book by Victor Frankel called "Man's Search For Meaning".Basically,he was in the camps during the holocaust and he had the most brilliant insight.
There are many things in life that are out of our hands.
And there are many things in life that are in our hands.
Why stress over the first group?
Let's just do what we can with what we've got.
He was in the camps and it didn't bother him.
He came to the conclusion that no matter what,they can't change his perspective.
His thoughts were his own.
This is something that i am working on alot.it is quite hard.
But by parents it is different from Nazis.
Because by parents,we always accept everything they say or do as right.
A kid who gets beaten figures he deserves it.
And that makes everythihng much much worse.
Its important for us as mature adults to realize that our parents have faults.
And no matter what they say,we are not bad people.
My father might be.
But I am most definetly not

Anyway,today i got into a huge fight with my father.We usually are not on speaking terms,but a fight burst out and he said some very hurtful things
"You can't even get out of bed in the morning"
"You're a good-for-nothing."

and i responded very harshly in reply.
Of course my mother had to come in and admonish me for being disrespectful.
Its like one big joke
But mom and i are working together on it and weve found some big hugs in it all,so all i can say is
BARUCH HASHEM!

-uri

you're not a good for nothing :o

you help me tons tons tons
1- your songs
2- your tehillim thread- don't think i ever said thanks for that, but it changes my davening. and sometimes i also say the tehillim 10 times a day
3- your perspective
k, you have a hard life
but you get up and do something about it (you don't just sit in bed)
you got a job, you take care of your siblings, you help all of us here.


i really really wish i could get a zechuyos mirror and let everyone here look into it for a sec. 

:'(

kansher brought up an important point that I thought about alot.

the breaking of a vicious cycle.

to take the negative painful aspects of your childhood and teenage years and to work very hard sure making sure that "the buck stops there"

because it's easy to slip into the negative pattern of what you saw or what you had to deal with.

as you get older you see a little more of the reason why people behave in self destructive patterns that cause harm to themselves and those around them.

but no excuses.

you decide how YOU should behave,how YOU will treat your wife and children,and act accordingly no matter how rough you yourself were treated.

This is not always easy.

But it can be done.

It must be done.

the lives of your wife and children are at stake

because you (and I mean myself as well) can ruin their lives if we allow ourselves to carry the old pain and anger that we have inside us 

This the underlying principle of Bowen Family Systems Theory (google it, or read anything by Dr. Harriet Lerner Dance of... ) - the basic idea that abusive and messed patterns as essentially continued for hundreds of years, over and over again in the same stupid ways.

And there is the concept of a transitional generation. A generation that says "ENOUGH!".

But don't get down on yourself- realize you're fighting against hundreds of years. But imagine that victory!

I feel so small next to you guys. I really can't imagine such strength and perseverance! I have so much to learn from you, Kanesher and Uri. And "Be holy" too.

"if only he knew what his boy does to this place!"

our biggest shock after 120 will be when we realize the true value of those that are near to us whom we see all the time.

for some people, the biggest shock, will be when they realize their own true value.

kutan shel hachabura wrote on 01 Oct 2009 18:42:


NOt at all surprised, but really impressed with all the brilliant insights Kutan is sharing here today.

check my new thread out guys
everyone try finding something to add...
rehab-my-site.com/guardureyes/forum/index.php?topic=1065.msg21541#new