Do you have someone you can call when you are scared you will fall?

I have several persons that I can call. But I just don't call them. I don't have the willingness to do so. I end up acting out again today Desperate but I have to go on and keep trying what works..

benblum wrote on 02 Nov 2023 02:18:

What "works" for you? And is there a reason its not working now? Important questions.... Being desperate, while perhaps warranted, will not solve anything. I feel for you though. We all do.

benblum wrote on 02 Nov 2023 02:18:

There are days that you know what to do, but can't get yourself to do it. The YH is cunning... I am going to have one of those days today, I can just feel it, I hope that I stay strong (and busy)

benblum wrote on 02 Nov 2023 02:18:

Quick question. 
Why dont you get a strong filter? Covenant eyes is not enough. 
Or get an accountability partner that can see everything you see? Now is the time to implement new strategies and build new fences. Dont wait untill the YH wakes up again. 
If you can just filter everything, you will start seeing a big difference. 

Thanks all for your reply. I don't know what works for me. I know that if I make a phone call, it will take away the lust at least partially. That is the reason why I don't make the phone call. I embrace the temptation instead of running from it. I dive into the fire instead of running for my life.

I have set up accountability partner with covenant eyes. It works as long as the software is installed. But as I found a way to remove the software pretty easily, then of course, it is not doing its job. I have tried filters but there are always things that can trigger me that are not necessarily being blocked by filter. Lust will find its way and the yetser hara will tempt me with whatever is available. I am trying to deactivating my possibility of uninstalling software. I have to look into that today quickly before the YR comes back for me. If you have suggestions, please please let me know.

benblum wrote on 02 Nov 2023 14:14:

Lust may find its way no matter what . If the YH climbs in trough the window and tries to get you that's a lot more difficult to control - but at the very least Dont open up your front door & invite Him in.
You need a filter - and than goes the work .
No one ever quit smoking with the cigarette still in his mouth

Yes you are right. As a matter of fact, I just checked and my solution won't work since the software I use to force remove the covenant eyes is a stand alone application. I am completely open to have a filter installed. Is there any particular filter you can recommend?

The filter will not keep me sober but at least it will give a chance in the battle (No one ever quit smoking with the cigarette still in his mouth)

benblum wrote on 02 Nov 2023 14:50:

I use techloq 

Can it be uninstalled easily?

benblum wrote on 02 Nov 2023 15:47:

As far as I know uninstalling without going through them, disables the computer

Same with Meshimer. 
Ive tried a long time ago to remove Meshimer or Tag and i messed up my computer. 

benblum wrote on 02 Nov 2023 14:14:

This is how feel about filters and accountability partners. I know that it works to a point, but my life and work is surrounded by computers and smartphones. When the YH comes to visit, there is always a door open for him. Plus, my wife can not know anything about my problem, maybe someday I will tell her, but not yet, not until I have a little more control over the situation.. I wish you nothing but the best in your struggle, I can feel the pain in your words.

Sober today. Rush before Shabbos. Lots of thing today. Feeling good, a little overwhelmed. I know that the challenge will be motzei Shabbat, Sunday all day and Monday morning...I have to be ready. YR will come.