benblum wrote on 27 Oct 2023 02:02:

On vayimaen.org it should be the second video in the library it is titled Small Steps.  It’s a good idea to sign up to receive the daily videos. You can sign up on the site to receive them. They are available through email or through WhatsApp. 

I am back to Day One , but not to Square One.

Just returned late last night after a 2 day business trip. Alone in a hotel room for two nights without my wife. The absolute recipe of disaster for me. I fell, and fell hard. It was not much of a battle, I was doomed from the moment that I checked-in. I felt it, I knew it was coming and power to resist was not there. It was not much of a fight. In boxing terms, it was a first round Knock-Out!

WIth that said, I am back to Day One, but I am not back at the beginning of my journey. I am working through F2F and getting a lot out of it. I am on here talking about my problem, I have some great guys reaching out to help, It is going to be OK, I got up this morning and feel ready to take on the day. I have to stay humble and remember that I have a lot to learn and keep doing the things that work and to try to stay away from the things that do not work. 

Today, I am hopeful and confident that today will be a good day.  Shabbos is tonight and we are having people to our house and looking forward to a day or peace and rest and a day full of HaShem and pure thoughts and actions. I am ready!

Shabbat Shalom Everyone!!!

Great attitude - but for the future if you fail to plan you plan to fail. Many guys here who go on business trips make an accountability plan covering most foreseeable challenges.  How to keep eyes occupied in the airport and airplane, what to do regarding the TV/monitor in the hotel room, how to deal with the swimming pool in the lobby area of the hotel, etc. How often to report to an accountability partner. And a method for reaching out if unforeseen surprises emerge. Each fellow works out a tailor-made system for the duration of his trip. B'ezras Hashem many guys who in the past "knew" that a business trip means automatic falling, found out that they can BH be successful.

As an aside, i know of a few middle aged and older fellows that have a "no matter what" policy - they never go on a business trip without their wives. That would obviously be the best solution if at all possible.

Shavua tov, thank you for your replies. Adam2014 thank you for sharing. I would suggest that you start your own post as it is getting a little confusing to follow. Otherwise I can leave that post to you and create a new one. I am just saying this in order to both get more clarity Confusion is often one of tricks used by the yetser hara to make me fall

About the F2F program: where can I find more info? Is it like SA? Is it based on a book? How can we sign up?

Its on the homepage of gye. Its based on fortify which is a smartrecovery program, not sa. Its a series of videos and ‘workshops‘ that teach you tools, techniques and strategies for dealing with porn. Ive only started it recently so i cant really tell you how it works. I think bright might know a bit more, if i remember correctly. But give it a try it only takes a few minutes a day

benblum wrote on 29 Oct 2023 02:27:

Shavua Tov... I agree that it can be sometimes confusing. Are you suggesting that I make a separate "topic"? I am an newbie here.. forgive me for the probably obvious question.

Go to the "My Topics" tab and click on "New Topic". You will be able to start a new thread on the forum.

Just reporting another fall this morning cannot hold it together despite all the knowledge I have, all the tool I know...Stuck at the same place for years. Do I enjoy it? I do, A LOT. Do I want to stop? I do, very STRONGLY. How can I do it? How can I give myself sometime to detox and have a chance of a way out...

Assuming you have reached out to people here in the past, are you currently? A good friend can dispel the darkness of despair, calm the stormy seas, and in general bring the a dark struggle into the light. Perhaps together with all the hard work you are doing it will be the right cocktail for eventual success:)

I can truly relate to your (and mine) situation. I will be having a good day and things are going good and BAM, out of nowhere I am attacked by the YH and I fall. I say to myself in this instance, " I enjoy this" "It' will make my day better, I will be able to concentrate on my work/family/studies better" ..in a split moment, I can go from full control to a fall. 

The guilt and the shame and everything that comes along with this lifestyle returns instantly when you are finished. It is a vicious cycle and I don't have the answers (yet) but I do empathize with your pain. My only advice is keep coming here and asking questions.

Hang in there..

Sober today. 24 hours thank G...Most importantly, I spent the whole morning alone working at the computer (major slippery situation). I prayed with all my strength this morning to Hashem to help me as I knew I will be tempted and alone. Guess what? He protected me. I don't call it a victory and I certainly dont take any credit. This afternoon I can slip anytime...I will be in touch later

Hi Benblum,
We've all been there and done that. For years, i was in this place, wanted and needed more than anything to quit but kept falling./ 
Until I started to dig deep, these are the questions and work i did very basically. 
1. How badly do i want to quit? Extremely, its the most important thing in my life
2. What causes me to fall? Open internet, movies, news, etc. I kept plugging these holes. Until I had no access, 
3. Boredom still was a problem at work, so i got an accountability partner, which made it impossible to even search for anything improper.
4. Then I went through the F2F program it took a few weeks, and i learned so much from it. The most important parts are learning to understand what happens to us when we lust, and what our brains want, the second part was the tools I learned. The most important one was diffusion which teaches you how to create a distance between yourself and the lust. That was groundbreaking for me! 
5. It was and sometimes still is hard work. But, once you get to the point of being away from this shmutz for a while, even if its just by blocking EVERYTHING, your brain will slowly detox, its just physics. That is the most important lesson i want to share today. tell your brain the following next time you get an urge, "I know that it feels good, but i also know the pain i feel afterward, and in the end it's not really worth it, but now your not thinking clearly through the fog of lust, so lets wait a bit, because i know it will get easier" every time you dont give in, you are making it easier for the next time. And every time you do give in, you are making it harder!  So really think next time if its worth it..... its not!
I promise you, if you are willing to work and give up some habits, it will get so much easier eventually.
Just start the frigin' F2F program already and stop asking questions........

benblum wrote on 31 Oct 2023 16:27:

perhaps daven mincha early so that you can pray again with all your strength before the afternoon....

My heart is with you 

Thank you for your encouragements. Hashem kept me clean today. Of course there is tonight and even more dangerous will be tomorrow. Again I know I will be alone at work with the computer. The computer is protected with Covenant Eye but I found a way to remove it discretely. I contacted them to advise about it. Hopefully they can find a fix. In any event, lust is already making plans for tomorrow. Just putting it out there. Need to pray again with all my strength. If it worked today, it can work tomorrow