Quick update...
In 6 days I'll iyH be 90 days clean!
It was a difficuly journey but satisfying.
I always remind myself that I'm giving up a momentary, short term pleasure for the sake of achieving long term greatness...

Some times, what keeps me back from falling is not because I've worked on myself but rather the simple thought that I'm already so far into my 90 day journey and it's too upsetting to have to start again from the beginning.

I wonder if GYE could create for those who have already reached 90 days, another new milestone,  "The 365 days challenge" or similar.. I'm aware that 90 days is based on science that says it takes 90 days to rewire your brain etc, however the 365 days challenge would be an incentive to push on and not to fall back to square 1...
Anyone else here who feels the same way?

UpAndDown

Wow, amazing progress!

I'm not specifically familiar, but I believe I've seen a medal that celebrates 1 year clean.

Continued hatzlacha

Mazal Tov!
It's a 90-day clean streak!

And to all my friends here on GYE who have never properly tried this 90 day challenge - please give it a fair try! It's thrilling and satisfying. Its very tough but at the same time very awarding! 
Especially these days when Klal Yisrael are under such immense danger, all we need is some real Zechusim. Zechusim that are בין אדם לקונו. Not the ones that are in public, rather the ones that nobody knows about!

Thanks to all of you @GYE for your constant support...

באהבה
UpAndDown

Sharing some of my thoughts לקראת השלמת תשעים ימים נקיים

Problem:
P&M are real pleasures that are easy and accessible. Hashem is imaginary, unknown and not the mainstream... So - for those who know the game Stratego - its basically a battle between a Nr 10 gainst a Nr 2... and guess who will win... a very unfair game indeed.

5 solutions:

1. Get yourself to be accountable to a real person. A partner. Speak to someone over the phone. ולואי שתהא מורא שמים כמורא בשר ודם, ברכות כח... This way its a fair battle.

2. Avoid battles. Avoid temptations. Identify the YH from right at the beginning of a Nissyon and avoid facing, confronting him. שמירת העניים. Filters. Minimise usage of Internet. Quick showers. (Use the healthy outlets that are available e.g. jogging, sports, play piano, listen to music etc.) Push away a מחשבה זרה before it takes grip of you... This way there hardly is any battle at all! (Following my משל of Stratego: the rule is that even though Nr 10 is stronger than Nr 1, if the Nr 1 hits the Nr 10 first then he will actually win! Its this type of situation...)

3. Make Hashem real as well. Be קובע עיתים לתורה and be שקוע in learning, use every free moment to learn another shtikel גמרא, instead of running to your various electronic devices... Daven 3 times a day with כוונה. Focus when making a Bracha. Say ברכת המזון with real כוונה. Invest in your Mitzvos, make beautiful Shabbos meals for your family with זמירות and דברי תורה. Learn מסילת ישרים or other proper ספרי מוסר for min 20min a day. תורה מגני ומצלי. This way you've made Hashem a reality, part of your life and you will overcome the battle.

4. Get to know the YH. Understand that it's all כח הדמיון. Know the consequences that come from P&M. The effect it has on your emotional health. On your family. On your self esteem. Realise that the YH has no power over you and your actions, he just makes a lot of noise. It's all in your mind. הללו בוכים והללו בוכים, לצדיקים דומה כהר, לרשעים דומה כחוט השערה וכו’ סוכה נב. The YH is as big as you make it! With this option you have made the YH less real. (You're the Nr 10 and the YH is the Nr 1)

5. Connection. Understand that what you are really yearning is connection. Direct this need to the correct place. Connect to so many holy Yidden by learning תורה, connect to your chavrusa and to the heilige תנאים, אמוראים, ראשונים, אחרונים. That's what the גמרא means when it says אם ראית מנוול זה משכיהו לבית המדרש, it's not an escape. It's the real connection that you are desiring. (If learning is not an option then simply shmooze to a fellow Yid.) This way you are actually using the battle to your own benefit!

It's easier said than done...But at the same time it's easier done than falling again and again...

Please Hashem help me and all my טייערע friends at GYE to achieve real grateness and to overcome the Battle of the Generation!

UpAndDown


P.S. Obviously these solutions won't help strong addiction. Addiction needs real therapy or 12 steps etc. I personally have been to therapy already and now it's up to me to choose right from wrong...

Following in this post, and you response on the thread "inner change", here is answer number six, as I understand from TBOTG.

Normally your challenges is choosing between this pleasure vs. missing out on the pleasure, due to some long term, abstract, potential reason. That can be very hard, as you wrote above. Solution 6 says you should realize that it is a choice between pleasure vs. a much greater pleasure right now! Basically the feeling you will get right now is so much more pleasurable, physically, emotionally, than from falling. 

If you get to such a place of perspective, the Battle is so much easier.

Like you just popped a Nr. 20 to fight the Nr. 12. (Sorry if there is no such thing in Stratego)

frank.lee wrote on 11 Aug 2024 00:33:

Firstly, thanks for being מתייחס to my post that I wrote until 3 in the morning... I thought it went unnoticed...

I'm maskim to the immediate emotional pleasure. You feel strong and happy.
But physical  pleasure? Real pleasure, like a sensation? I'm not so sure... maybe physical benefit but not pleasure...

I'd phrase it like this:
6. Understand the real emotional pleasure you will have from withstanding the urge. It's much greater than the physical pleasure of acting out. This way the YH may be a Nr 10 but you're even stronger... (there is nothing stronger than nr 10 in Stratego, unfortunately...)

You're welcome, thanks for your great posts! 

Correct, maybe not physical, but as tangible. The choice is between getting a short lasting physical pleasure vs. an immediate mental, spiritual, spiritual, pleasure. A chemical high, so much more pleasurable, right now!

I copy pasted this for myself, to re-read again and again.

Gonna print a copy when the kids go to sleep

upanddown wrote on 09 Aug 2024 02:20:

Well said. This is a point that I've come to realize only after working with myself and GYE for about 2 years.
The Nefesh Habehamis craves connection. The pleasure of porn is in a certain degree the pleasure of connecting with one's self.

It’s a great point. 
The way I see it is a little different. 
A person craves connection and porn can give the illusion of the pleasure of connection, or at least something that feels (in the moment) like a substitute. 

I’ve never thought about it as “the pleasure of connecting with one’s self”. Hmm. Going to think on that a bit .

m111 wrote on 13 Aug 2024 19:30:

It's not your נפש הבהמית that's craving connection. It's your נפש האלוקית that's craving it.
As you yourself have written so beautifully in your signiture:
"When 2 yidden get together, it is two nefesh elokis (godly souls) against one nefesh hebehamis (animal soul)".
I think this vort is from the Imrei Emes. And after he said the above, someone asked him "but Rebbe, just like the 2 Nefesh Eloikis connect, so to the 2 Nefesh Habahamis connect, so its again an equal battle?" And the Rebbe answered: "The Nefesh Habahamiyos don't connect! As it says in the Passuk לתאווה יבקש נפרד".
A very powerful vort. A shmooze far zich...
So I don't think a person is trying to connect to oneself by watching porn. Because it's mainly the Nefesh Habahamis watching, which doesn't like to connect. And even that bit of connection that is desired by watching porn (possibly coming from the Nefesh Eloikis) also doesn't get satisfied, as chaimoigen says, it's an illusionary connection...

Your heilige Neshomo is yearning connection. Your Nefesh Eloikis is yearning connection. Then comes along the YH and tries to feed that need with some fake illusionary subsidiaries... so one acts out.. but the yearning for connection has gotten nothing from it. So as soon as ones acted out, the נפש האלוקית is left feeling empty and depressed. Because it has once again been misunderstood.
That's the way I understand it.

Lmk your thoughts...

Fast well..
UpAndDown

Having a hard day... A customer of mine was very unhappy with something and upset with me... so I'm feeling bit low and looking to fill the void...
half a year ago I would have acted out.
Now, thanks to GYE I'm in a different position, so I'm just posting for accountability. 

upanddown wrote on 02 Sep 2024 00:51:

Hello i'm new here, bumped in first into this thread and i can so much relate, had a miserable day, I'm feeling that i must act out in order to survive... unfortunately i cannot yet finish up my post with the words you ended it...

freeswan83 wrote on 02 Sep 2024 02:56:

Welcome to the GYE family!
Here you will find care and concern.
Here you will find the tools to hopefully break free from the beast that holds you captive.
Having the courage to post is a great first step.
Read around the threads, check out the Flight to Freedom program, and join the amazing crowd here!

Why don't you start your own thread and tell us about yourself? The people here really care and will do whatever they can to help you.

(If you're daring (or desperate) I'd recommend reaching out to Hashem Help Me - HHM - who is the mentor-in-chief. He has helped hundreds break free, present company included. His is reachable at michelgelner@gmail.com. If you're not ready, take your time.)

freeswan83 wrote on 02 Sep 2024 02:56:

Welcome my friend!
The support here on GYE is phenomenal. I owe them my life. My family owes them their life without even knowing it! I've been on this site for 7 years now, had my ups and downs... but now I finally feel its under control.
In addition to what proudyungerman wrote, I very much recommend reading the book "The Battle of The Genration" (link in my signature, or available on amazon) which has helped me and so many here to get the right perspective on these challenges.. 
Looking forward to getting to know you more...
חזק ואמץ
UpAndDown