Gevura Shebyesod wrote on 30 Dec 2016 14:39:

Personally, I wouldn't mind Life.

I am eating healthy and losing weight. But every 2 months or so, I schedule a eat
"anything I want" day. It really seems to be working for me. But, when I thought to 
use this method for this area, I ran into a brick wall. I can never schedule a time to 
do what HaShem doesn't want me to ever do. So how can I "work on it" and reduce 
the amount of times I fall/fail/act out/waste seed/do the aveira 
(depending on your preferred way to describe it)?

My wife had 2 amazing ideas, that get around this problem:
1. find out how many times the negative behavior that HaShem does not want
is happening a month, on average, over 3 months of keeping track.
Let's say the number is 8 times a month. Then, decide that next month that you are
going to cut down, and will not fail more than 6 times no matter what.
You never actually schedule in a failure day or try to fail,
but each time you do that negative action, you keep track of it.
And once you get to 6, that's it...and you make sure that it doesn't happen again
until at least the start of the next month. 
If the next 3 months, you are able to average only 6 times,
then you move that number down to 4...etc.

2. every 15 days you succeed, you reward yourself.
It could be a backrub or a night out for a hot chocolate, whatever.
This will help once you get to about 9, since you are pretty close to the reward/treat/prize.
You are rewarding positive behavior, and giving weight to the accomplishment,
and hopefully, that will give you chizuk to continue succeeding.

These are both great ideas...
and the fact that my wife thought of them and shared them with me, 
is a VERY good sign, indeed.
I think the 2nd one will work better for me,
since I am not acting out so often/several times a month.
And look, I am now at 15 days, so I'm ready for my first prize/treat/incentive!

3. I do think that for something like night seder, I can use the "anything-I-want" day approach,
and if I learn 20 night seders in a row, then I can take 2 AIW days,
and those nights go out and do anything I want (within reason).
Looking forward to an "earned" vacation, should help keep me on track and focused
the whole month of 20 night seders.

I hope these 3 ways, will help other people too.
It's the last night of Chanuka; let's make it count!

I've tried eat "anything I want" days but it usually leads to binge eating and even more weight gain. 

Luckily, this isn't a losing weight support forum.
I'm just saying that this idea can work for something like night seder...
after succeeding and learning 20 days in a row. You "earned" a 1 or 2  
anything you want to do days.
----------
And the other 2 idea from my wife, would/will/may work for this inyan.

Another day.
Listening to tons of Aish.com short video shiurs/stories.
Don't know what else to say. It's the 8th day of Chanuka...a holy time for sure.
And even though it's not really the new year for us, it's probably a good thing
to use it for introspection and reflection...making goals and choosing a direction.
I hope this year will be a year of growth and success.

JJust checking in. One week and it's zos chanukah. Chanukah was easier for me just bc always running here and there for all different Chanukah stuff. How's everyone else doing?

Yosef Tikun HaYesod wrote on 29 Dec 2016 18:34:

Correct, skipped it! seems i wanted to get quicker to the 90 days... 

So who is joining us for the Terrific Teves?

Please speak up!

Hi all i'm back from my weekend vacation! was very nice BH.

Just renewed my TaPHSiC Shavua, forgot to do it before i went (it expired Rosh Chodesh Teves).

Nice to back, had lots of posts to catch on!!!!!!!!!!!

Quiet,
shua73 has Upped your Karma ++ 

will Succeed Beh wrote:

Count me in! Aiming for terrific 4th day of Teves

I let youtube in the door to get new music for Chanuka,
and then football highlights, and then news, and then well, you guessed it...
an unhealthy look at body parts.
Closed the door now hopefully for good. 
Caught myself in time not to fall further, but feel like a fool regardless.
No streaming is difficult and restrictive, but doesn't let the yetzer hara in the door.
--------------------
Life is good.
We have to just keep on learning and improving and upping our game,
so that we don't fall for the same dumb tricks it has suckered us into in the past.
Have a great day!

more details on my forum thread, with a guy arguing FOR youtube.
AND
a great new story / lesson from Rav Fishel Shechter 
on the Beis Medrash thread.

Hi all of you!

Had a really bad slip yesterday, but B''H not a fall!

I was bored at work, and i started browsing... and then it started coming up search for this and for that, and i got to more lusty things, not adult but celeb style (hoping to find some - without admitting).
The things that held me back are, Filter, TaPHSiC Method, GYE Forum (especially this Mini & the active guys), Terrific Teves.
Filter (GenTech) - i knew that even if i try to get to explicit places, i'll have a hard job to get by my filter.
​TaPHSiC Method - Really didnt seem to make scene to say a Sefer of Tehilim or surf GYE to be able to view Porn!!!!!, and even if i did it'll cost me 50 Bucks, and if i dont do it - i'll have to pay 500 Bucks Ouch!
GYE Forum - Wouldnt want to face you all after it, especially after Starting the Terrific Teves campaign.

​So here i am! had a slip but not a fall, fed my lust, got some movies, But no adult content, Bad but not as bad as it could have been.

THANKS HASHEM - THANKS the FILTER (Rabonim) - THANKS GYE & its MEMBERS.

HHey guys. Seems to be happy new year party for those drunken desires within us. I find for me that after I slip I tend to trick myself into thinking that since I caught myself before I fell I'm still safe. But the slip leads to it being easier to slip in the future and so on. I'm worried for both of you. Keep us posted as you get back on track. And don't read what I'm writing as that you'll eventually just fall so why not now. I think that reinstating the previous gedarim won't necessarily work nor will potentially more stringent ones. Something led you to open the gate that you closed as a fence between you and porn. You wanted at that time to open the gate. There was some void within you that led you to the comforting experience of viewing porn. Figuring out how to not just fill that void by distracting yourself or putting up more walls, but to instead attack the problem from another angle may be more effective.

For example, I think that by me the core thing leading me to act out is that I feel lonely or mistreated to the extent that I feel underappreciated ... By retreating into the world of porn, I self medicate. Although I generally act out after slipping multiple times all bc of curiosity, I think my issue is also my insecurity at times in a certain respect. Both, things complement each other. Thus, fences prevent curiosity, but don't lead to me recognizing that the loneliness is in my head and that it's not necessarily real. By working on that I am able to fix the problem from another angle making my fences more effective.

HALT