Shua just checking for a pulse...

LifneiHashem wrote on 19 Dec 2016 15:57:

will Succeed Beh wrote on 19 Dec 2016 16:09:

I poked our friend Shua and let him know "we are waaaaaaaaaaaaaiting"

I planned for my security interview to last an hour. It took 5. I missed a chavrusa, fell asleep and missed an important anger management session. I read about emunah an hour a day. I started hitting myself for missing the appointment. Then, I realized it must have been from Hashem. I put it in my calendar. The interview took 5(!) hours. Obviously I cannot tell the doctor it was from Hashem. He was frum and I did, but I said I still owe him an apology and told him I never missed an appt in years, especially for something so important. Not that it will turn me into a pauper, but I still hope he will not charge a missed appt fee, but if he does I realize Hashem is in control (though I may put in a LITTLE hishtadlus and ask him to be mochel)

Shua asked me to read this article and let him know what I think. When I got to the end of the article, I was going to point out something to him rather than just give a simple thank you. Then I realized maybe the oilam can gain:

Throughout the article, the author states a person is driven to find the 'perfect' porn. That is mamash me. I need to a disrobed girl doing...

The next paragraph is hidden. On one hand I feel better when I share details. Some are less interested, so I give you the option to keep closed now that I discovered 'spoilers,' but keep it available for those who it would help to know they are not alone.

​Then, either immediately, or upon urge some time later, I think to myself, "I have seen everything, but I just need to see one more thing. A movie of a girl or girls doing X. Wait no, I need her to be in that position fully exposed doing this activity." AND AS EASY AS IT IS TO FIND ANY FETISH YOU WANT BY SIMPLY GOOGLING IT

I think I knew this subconsciously especially with my understanding of yetzer hara. Now I realize I will NEVER be satisfied.

Everything is bad, but I understand from my Rebbe the Jewish perspective is that masturbation is worse than r'iyah, of course without measuring frequency and duration. Masturbation is a physical maaseh with hand and there are halachos of how you sleep, go to the bathroom, etc. to avoid.

The goyish hashkafa is you can do whatever you want to you own body, but watching it is terrible, especially on a computer when you can get caught, especially on someone else's computer (work), etc...

My Rebbe would tell me if you can satisfy yourself with only riyah and no MZL, that is step one (hence my personal definition of fall CURRENTLY is MZL)

Non-frum doctor: By all means MZL, but not on computer.

So with checks and balances, my fear may prevent r'iyah and Judaism works on my MZL.

However, I rarely MZL without Internet porn. So if I could control the r'iyah my problems would be over

LifneiHashem wrote on 19 Dec 2016 15:57:

Staying alive staying alive (cultural reference). And whether or not there's something else it's not that I climbed to the top of a tall mountain and there I found an old man who imparted me with a secret app to pass on to future generations. I just went into the Google play store and searched for apps that help develop good habits (I don't remember my specific search query). Then I sorted through my results to find the one that works for me.

The same thing can be done for a computer by either googling habit building apps for PC or something similar and then finding the one that fits your criteria. Thereay be a setting for it to send reminders to your phone even if you don't have a smartphone.

As resourceful as we were when looking for pornography we can be when trying to figure out an app that can be tailored to combat it.

Good luck

Does this work for you? Maybe I will try also:
Habitbull for PC
choilieng.com/apk-on-pc/com.oristats.habitbull.apk

shua73 wrote on 20 Dec 2016 01:09:

AAh, ah, ah, ah.....

Ok, so I'm writing to assuage the mystique surrounding the mystery article that Quiet is referring to.

The link is http://yourbrainonporn.com/how-is-internet-porn-different-from-porn-of-the-past

What the article means to me is the illustration of what is driving the addiction to internet pornography and how it affects where our focus should be when we work on it. Rather than focusing on what is the worst element of your individual addiction/whatever you characterize it as (irrelevant to if your addicted to it, it's an addictive behavior, which automatically gives it certain characteristics and certain ramifications regarding one's tolerance for it), the article illustrates the addictive characteristics of internet pornography. Knowing to what you are addicted, why you are addicted to it, and how it affects you are the keys to being able to eventually succeed in breaking a bad behavior.

Although we will not have clarity in all these elements as we begin our struggles, and possibly may never reach clarity in all these elements, just understanding what about this is addictive is a start. In case someone reads this post and says yeah he's delusional and duh I know what I'm addicted to and what it does to me, I also know what I'm addicted to and why and what it does to me. However, understanding the ikur and the tafel in internet pornography addiction and separating that from which part of our behavior is worst is the most helpful element of this article.

Personally, when I approached working on my behavior, I first tried to characterize my different actions in terms of which of how bad they are not in terms of whether they are merely symptoms of my addiction or at the root of it.A simple example is of someone who is sick with a disease that causes him to have certain symptoms (debilitating disease that causes hair loss for example). If he takes medicine for the symptoms, not only won't he get better from the disease, but he will also still have the symptoms, unless he takes medicine that actually addresses the root of his disease (taking avacor to help him regrow his hair won't help even his hair since he's not focusing on the real issue).
So too with this struggle. By clarifying what is a cause and what is an effect allows me to focus on working on the core problem instead of merely applying band-aids.

I hope this is helpful and good luck to all including myself (I've always wanted to wish myself good luck.) 

Sorry for such a long post before. On a different note, I'm coming up on the two week mark and that's my limit recently. I'm getting nervous coming up to it. It's a little scary. Also, I find by me that at two weeks I burn out a little more and am at a greater risk. So I'm just putting that out there and gonna pull through or some other technical term that anyone else prefers if they have an aversion to any words that potentially sound like white knuckling.

quiet wrote on 20 Dec 2016 00:52:

I see how Masturbation is worse than looking because it is a Ma'aseh. It's hinted to in the Torah its severity (this week's parsha!!!) but looking at the schmutz has a pasuk b'pheirush: Lo Sasuru. And it's being oiver one of the 6 constant mitzvos. And 95% of the time you'll end up masturbating anyway. It's sold in a bundle. Not independently. You need to rely on a MIRACLE to be able to stop yourself from masturbating after watching porn. The images linger, they tingle your senses... you can't see, hear, smell, think straight for hours on end. Heck, sometimes, like, you'd need some massive tragedy to jolt you out of your lust bubble at that point. You lose bechirah. And honestly, you're NOT that chashuv to warrant a plane full of people to crash outside your house and die tragically JUST so you can get a reality check!!!
Or maybe you are. Not sure. But don't rely on it!
Sure masturbation comes with a costlier aveirah pricetag, but if you can kid yourself into thinking that a fall does NOT include watching pornography for hours on end, then you're not attacking the lust itself! You're clanging your sword against the robust outer wall of the fortress! And perhaps if you were playing Age of Empires this would indeed be the way to go, but we don't live in a video game.

And see, I raised your karma. Patience is a little girl with freckles, no?

shua73 wrote:

Past performance is not an indication of future outcome. 

Still can't get that song out if my head....

quiet wrote on 20 Dec 2016 01:27:

couldnt install the file!