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TOPIC: Group 196 38708 Views

Re: Group 196 18 Dec 2016 01:18 #300126

Yosef Tikun HaYesod
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What can I learn from this failure -
I think I need to spend less time on the computer.
Being super strict with the time limits that I set...
and maybe giving my password control to my oldest son,
so that I can't change it, whenever I feel like it.
I'm VERY nervous to give away this control, though.
The beauty is that it will be a lot more likely that I'll be
where I am supposed to be, if/once I take the computer
out of the equation. Also, it will show him how much I value
learning with him, that I'm giving up the computer time,
in order for us to learn. Unfortunately, MANY times in the past,
I've given in to my desire to relax/unwind/enjoy myself with nonsense garbage
(bad habit) streaming videos, instead of spending real time with my family.
Setting real time controls that I can't change, should hopefully solve that problem.

It will also give me better sleep...
and make it far less likely that I will watch porn, masturbate, or waste seed,
since a lot of the time I seem to fail is when I am not doing what I am supposed
to be doing. I'm dragged after streaming videos into times when I should be doing
something else, living my life...and then, I sometimes get a thought to take it further
and watch porn and/or masturbate. The idea is to catch myself a step or two before
I may get triggered to act out, which should hopefully prevent me from acting out.
I am not giving up, but rather I am strengthening my efforts to learn from this failure
and succeed in the future. I'm trucking on my way to 90-days and beyond.

Re: Group 196 18 Dec 2016 04:17 #300145

quiet OFFLINE Gold Boarder Posts: 183 Karma: 9	Yosef Tikun HaYesod wrote on 18 Dec 2016 01:18: I'm trucking on my way to 90-days and beyond. One day at a time Warning: Spoiler! HaHa. Made you look (The truth is I could not figure out how to remove this spoiler so left it in for fun)

Re: Group 196 18 Dec 2016 05:06 #300152

Yosef Tikun HaYesod
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Just to be clear:
Gevura wrote: I don't know how old your son is, but do you want HIM to have password control of the computer so he can do what he wants? A better idea (and maybe this is what you meant), is to have him set HALF the password, so any changes need to be made by the 2 of you together. I have a similar arrangement with my wife for all the devices in our house.
----------------------------
And I wrote back: That is exactly what I meant, even though I didn't write it correctly.
I would never allow him on the computer at all.
That is one bad habit that he is not going to have to fight to conquer.
We have never let the kids touch the computer.
I am going to type in words and then he is going to add several numbers
(that he will write down also, and not lose!)
But even this is risky that I will get locked out,
(because he might write it down on paper, different than on the computer
by mistake, or he may lose the paper).
But, I don't seem to be so good at sticking to the time limits,
(without changing them and messing up my day),
and I tried having my wife keep the password for me a few times,
with disastrous shalom bayis consequences.
My son will be a lot more reasonable if the time settings need to be changed.

Last Edit: 18 Dec 2016 05:17 by Yosef Tikun HaYesod. Reason: clarity

Re: Group 196 18 Dec 2016 11:23 #300171

LifneiHashem
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cordnoy wrote:

quiet wrote:

I fell early this morning. I gave Shua a Karma point for being there for me before and after fall. Like in 13 middos -- Hashem Hashem -- He is merciful before and after sin.
I fell after going to my Tamar and Amnon site again (ask Cordnoy for the deeper secret behind this name. I must say Cordnoy you have a humorous way of editing instead of boring stars that just make me feel stupid and bad).

I kept my resolution from last and removed passwords from 69 sites. I am sure people on this site are too holy to attach any significance to that number.

So with my finances a mess without any passwords, I have made the following resolutions after another fall.

1. Next time I go to Tamar/Amnon site (though I can certainly do without Amnon), if I do not post a 'I am slipping' like Shua did before I touch myself negia kol dhu (any touch through clothes). Unfortunately, I am not on darga of Yosef. I succeed even with clothes on.
I will require myself to post about whatever slip/fall takes place after that

2. Next time I fall I tell Shua my first time (which is very daunting for me especially if I have an uncommon name like Yechiel Aluitious)

3. As I wrote in my last post, I asked my GYE shomer not to send my password immediately if I do not provide explanation

I wrote before that I struggle (pardon the pun) with if I am an 'addict or not.' I really do not think I am an I do not NEED lust. (It is a machlokes my doctors - Dov was not impressed to hear that I have not figured it out myself and quote my doctor).HOWEVER, I am definitely having a very hard time following through with my motivation to avoid lust and my battle is not simple

My biggest incentive to stop lusting is to have the word recovery attached to me like Cordnoy does

II can't say I understood everythin', but me like this post.

Cords can you clarify? I read and reread this & to me it sounds like more white knuckling, which I was under the impression you are not a fan of.

Re: Group 196 18 Dec 2016 13:10 #300173

cordnoy
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There were several concrete positive steps that he took.

My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads: Mikvah Night - Page 1, Page 2, Page 3, Last Page

https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/210029-Tryin

Warning: Spoiler!

My job: Punchin' bag of GYE - "NeshamaInCharge"
Quote from the chevra: "Is Cordnoy truly a Treasure Island pirate from the Southern Seas?"

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Group 196 18 Dec 2016 14:38 #300182

will Succeed Beh
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Hi Guys, how was Shabbes by you? by me it was excellent B''h.

Responding to the conversations going on about Passwords.

I think the best is to take GenTech solution or Meshimer or WebChaver, the Jewish filter company's, they cost money, but its not so much, and the filter is better and safer, you dont need any password, and you just email them the link or website you want to open, and they open it remotely....

BE"H WE WILL ALL SUCCEED

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טאטע! אפילו איך שפיר זיך ווייט פון דיר, אוי אוי אוי
ווייס איך אז די ביסט נאנט צו מיר אזוי, אוי אוי אוי
מיט ליבשאפט ווי אן איינציג קינד, פון בענקשאפט א טרערעלע רינט
ואהבת עולם, אהבת עולם אהבתיך

Re: Group 196 18 Dec 2016 14:46 #300183

quiet OFFLINE Gold Boarder Posts: 183 Karma: 9	will Succeed Beh wrote on 18 Dec 2016 14:38: Hi Guys, how was Shabbes by you? Baruch Hashem, lust wise, Shabbos is always my easiest day clean. A 3 day YT is usually a good way to get me to the next step. Even if I flirt with frum girls of all ages, ain't going to lead me where the Internet does, especially when my interactions are in front of their father.

Re: Group 196 18 Dec 2016 14:50 #300184

will Succeed Beh
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I'm an Addict-I Surrender Lust to G-D-I'm powerles
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Hi Quiet

Nice to hear (read) you had a nice clean Shabbes.

Just make sure the flirting dosent get you to feeding the lust, even if it dosent go anywhere!

BE"H WE WILL ALL SUCCEED

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Re: Group 196 18 Dec 2016 14:53 #300186

will Succeed Beh
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Posts: 205
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I'v made it B''h to the חי = 18.

Still keeping on the CLEAN KISLEV Project.

Hashem should give us all Koach to keep going on, Even when we had a fall.

BE"H WE WILL ALL SUCCEED

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Re: Group 196 18 Dec 2016 14:57 #300188

quiet
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Yes I told Cordnoy that I had a dangerously close relationship with a frum coworker and we were both married and she 'fed my lust.' Unfortunately for me, some very difficult events happened in my life that put a little distance between us, but at least now I have one less trigger to be menaseh me. She was probably the only serious live human trigger I ever had.

Your POST almost sounds like you condone my flirting as long as I do no feed my lust. If I am indeed flirting and it is assur, I should not do it at all. I do not think I am doing anything assur, but I enjoy being outgoing and talking to girls (which makes it more wrong). I used to be on the level of understanding the importance of talking through a husband/father. Being that masturbation and porn is worse, I am working on that first. Flirting for me is not like taking one drink. I ain't getting in bed with her (even if I wanted to). However, visiting the Tamar and Amnon site is like trying to take one drink and I rarely come out dry (double meaning)

Last Edit: 18 Dec 2016 15:07 by quiet.

Re: Group 196 18 Dec 2016 15:00 #300189

will Succeed Beh
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I do not know what difficult events happend to you, but one good thing sure did come out of it!

BE"H WE WILL ALL SUCCEED

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Re: Group 196 18 Dec 2016 15:07 #300190

shua73 OFFLINE Gold Boarder Posts: 263 Karma: 7	I'm at 12. Frday and Shabbos are basically always free days. Too busy Baruch hashem.
	smile You can't make everyone happy, you are not pizza.

Re: Group 196 18 Dec 2016 15:10 #300191

quiet OFFLINE Gold Boarder Posts: 183 Karma: 9	will Succeed Beh wrote on 18 Dec 2016 15:00: I do not know what difficult events happend to you, but one good thing sure did come out of it! WS. I cannot figure out how to PM you, but I edited my post and added a 2nd paragraph after you responded