Tonight after more than 400 days clean I had a fall.

What.

Ernest wrote:


Sorry to hear that.
If possible, don't analyze at all and go back to whatever you were doin' beforehand.

B'hatzlachah

It was a good learning experience.

The Y'H made me think I was cured and all the safeguards and restrictions were unnecessary. Derp.

Now I know.

Ernest wrote:


The YH tells you to forget about today, and just focus on yesterday.

He says to some addicts "look at your filthy track record you'll never make it on guardyoureyes why start".

He says to other addicts "look at your amazing clean track record, why would you need guardyoureyes?"

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I couldn't hold back from quoting the following brilliant post from a year back

Ernest wrote:


cordnoy wrote:

Welcome back

Thank you for sharing. It is good to be reminded not to get complacent.

Can we change the title to something like "my amazing accomplishment". Clean for over a year. For some of us thats a pipe dream. Brush off the dust and move on bsimcha!

Look at Watson's recent post on the forum.

I don't really feel like I've achieved something.

When I used the taphsic method acting out wasn't really an option. The penalties were too serious.

If I wasn't going to sit in the succah and someone forced me to by putting a gun to my head I wouldn't feel accomplished at all.

you put a gun to your head and forced yourself to sit in the sukka

b'tachbulos taseh milchama

maybe more tzum zach you put a gun to your yetzer hora and "forced" him to let you sit in the sukka

Our job is to implement the tools at our disposal to overcome our difficulties. If we've done that, then we are successful.

Ernest wrote:


That's the wrong analogy. This is closer
"If I was going to jump into a filthy toilet , and by gunpoint I was restrained, I wouldn't feel accomplished"

And this is correct, who in the world feels accomplished for not lusting - for not throwing their brains and bodies into filth?

But the reality is that we are not as dirty as we used to be, thanks to Taphsic and other methods. We are cleaner and stronger and more accomplished than we were in our bad old days.

Perhaps we should reward ourselves in something we enjoy, every month, so that we can feel and appreciate the accomplishment of overcoming our natural leanings?

I totally hear you when you say that with the taphsic you don't feel like YOU did anything...BUT, even though that is technically true you're forgetting two points 1) the fact that we implemented something, like serenity said, is a deal unto itself. We just need to make sure we don't act out. That's step 1. While we're in a safe zone we can try to figure out a way to stop lusting, looking or wtvr else your struggle is. 2) we build anti-acting-out muscles, if u will. Regardless of how were stopped, we do strengthen our minds and hearts during this clean process. We have to channel that strength once were on our own, which is difficult, but it's like any other muscle, if u work it, regardless of ur forces or not, it'll grow.

markz wrote:


Nice. I find this to be one of those things that I always need to be reminded of.
The reality is that acting out is pleasurable, and it's easy to lose focus and not see it in a different light.

In answer to the main point, I remember a Rav who used to frequently say that we need to stop fooling ourselves. We would like to believe that we will stop doing aveiros because we want to, but for 99% of the population that doesn't work.

The only think I'm not sure of is the reward technique. What type of reward system would you use - a physical enjoyment? That might be counter-productive in the long run. Would a spiritual reward be more effective than all the spiritual benefits we know of already?

I am a bit busy thus slow in folllowing up and repling. But I must say I would love to be in your shoes Ernest. I don't give a darn (excuse my french) why I am clean. If I would be clean for 400 days thats clean for 400 days. May hashem nuke my lust let him do whatever it takes (besides for my wife catching me:oops: ) At the end of the day 400 days clean is a pipe dream for me buddy.

One more pointer, forget about whether you achieved your goal regrading lust. During those 400 days you were probably more conductive and acheived so much more with our time both eichus and kamus. (In other words you physically wasted less time. And while you did go about your daily functions you were probably more functional.) Thus 400 days of real accomplishment. Thats a nice chunck of your life brother!