Today I fell after a very long time being clean, I shut myself in the yeshiva for the whole winter zman and was very careful to avoid triggers. Now I'm home for bein hazmanim and my iPhone picked up wi-fi, it was filtered, but didn't keep out everything. So I went to the bathroom and had a fall.

I was so upset I drowned the phone in the toilet, it made some sad vibrations then died.
It didn't really help my addiction. We have many iPads, laptops, and other accessories that enable me, and I've had at least 10 falls since that event.

Did I make progress in some way or was it a stupid impulsive decision? I'm not sure how I feel about it.

I think its the latter......because look it how well you did during the zman!!! You should look back at the whole zman and be proud of your accomplishments. I am sorry you fell but thats ok. Get up and continue from where you left off.

It seems like you grew a lot and this is just a stumbling block.

PS. Have you reached out at all or you going in all alone?

KOT!!!!!!!!!

I haven't reached out to anybody really, I'm to proud to admit to anyone who knows me that I have a problem. Being a lurker on GYE has helped me a lot

hi Ernest!!!

a gut moed!!(here in ey it's already chol hamoed)

first of all cheers for you you kept yourself clean all zman,

second of all i feel bad to hear about your fall, but as learned here many time from many guys there is something to learn from each fall, so go ahead and keep on trucking realize what works for you and start working it,

what work for everyone(i think) is reaching out, it seems to be the strongest tool, so even if your scared to open up to anyone who knows you(i can totally relate) there are plenty guys you can get to know through the site, give it a try and you'll see it works wonders be"h.

have a frielichen and clean yom tov!!!

Welcome Ernest!!!

What did you do to stay clean the whole zman? Were you holding your breath or were you really sober?

In other words, were you lusting the whole time, just had handcuffed yourself and couldn't engage in what you wanted to do the whole time, or were you living real life, living in the moment, one day at a time, etc. and therefore didn't have much desire?

Whatever the case is, it's great that you have finally opened up here, it has been a great step for many, myself included.

Don't be a stranger, we're all proud Jews, but we've sort of been beat by this, each to their own degree. Tell us more about your struggle, how long is it going on? How many times have you tried stopping? etc.

Keep on Posting and KOMT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HAPPY TO HEAR YOU'RE NOT A LURKER ANYMORE

WAS IT A STUPID IMPULSE?

YESSSSSS

BUT DOES IT SHOW US WHERE YOU'RE HOLDING?

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!


WHAT IS THAT PLACE?

GEVALDIGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


WHEN YOU GO CRAZY YOU DROWN YOUR IPHONE

THERE WAS A TIME WHEN YOU WENT CRAZY AND DROWNED YOURSELF
YOU'RE DOING GREATTTTTTTTTTTTT

DON'T LET THE YETSER TELL YOU YOU;RE STUPID



K
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Thanks for all the support!

Just a quick update, I plugged into into the charger today and it still works. I guess the 20 seconds underwater wasn't enough. It does seem to have lost the wi-fi function.

In response to Pidaini, I control myself if I'm not around the internet or anything to look at, if there is nothing to look at I can clean up within a week and won't go looking. If there aren't any drugs available I don't need a fix. So it was off my mind for those few months. I think I completely let my guard down because of that.

I used to be much much worse though, took about two years of hard work to finally reach this point.

guess the phone is similar to us.
we were drowned in the sea of torah for six months
came up for air, and lo and behold, our porn-charger still works
yuch!
next time we gotta take action while we are away from it...somehow!

b'hatzlachah

cordnoy said it right we need to change ourselves not just keep clean,

i personally can say that about myself i was clean for very long periods(relatively) but i didn't really change myself till i came here and started to learn that its much more then just not falling its about being sober,

kol tuv a gut voch and a gut moed!!!

Okay, good news! So I just hit 102 days clean, I used Taphsic and it worked extremely well. Now I have to start repairing myself after what I did for the last 10 years. This community is extremely amazing.

!תודה רבה רבונו של עולם

Unfreakin believable!

Mazal tov! !

Keep it up.

Great news!
Thanks for poppin' back in.
Keep it up.

[I wouldn't worry so much about the past ten years though; concentrate on today.]

b'hatzlachah

So happy for you ?

So happy for you!!!!