the day i started fighting(against the yetzer) to appreciate my wife and understand her pain ,is the day my real relationship w/ my wife started . i started loving her as a person and not an object . we talked for the sake of talking not just so i could get sex. we actually started becoming friends and enjoying each others company.  and i was able to over look  a lot of faults i saw b/c i saw my own and relized shes human too . not perfect, i came home in a horrid mood yesterday but we worked it out ,all the while a was saying to her , i'm not angry at you i'm just grumpy . but she was ok b/c she knows i love her and appreciate her. it's hard work to find the good lady inside your wife ,and she may not be the one you thought you  married, but it's well worth it 

Kedusha wrote on 22 Oct 2009 11:25:


There is an even an higher level of listening called "empathic listening" where not only we can repeat back what the other is actually saying, rather we can present their "side" even better then they could.

For a more detailed discussion on these comunication concepts, see professor covey's book "7 habits of highly effective people", the habit is called "first seek to understand, then to be understood"

In my humble experience, like all worthwhile endeavors, this highly skilled form of listening, takes work and practice to develop, and is  easier said then done, but it is well worth it!

Professor Noorah