The 'lust' is never going to go. It's here to stay. After all, if we got rid of our 'lust' how could we expect reward for not falling? What does happen though, is you will have greater control, meaning that the pattern of not falling has paved the way for more success. You should be thinking, well I managed yesterday when it was so possible hard I can manage today. And so on.

welcome on your first post.

your second statement has a lot of merit...one success paves the way for the next.

your first statement.....it sounds like youre sayin' that everyone has lust cravings. while that's true to some extent, there is a major difference between people; and that which you said, "How could we expect reward for not falling?" that is not our motto at all...we don't expect nothin'! We just wanna be free of it.....let someone else get da reward....we don't care!

Let It Begin wrote:


million dollar question, it ain't so simple, doesn't always follow the rules but willpower does not seem to be the eitza and not just getting past the stage.
first thing we have to realize that we are not in charge, very frustrating but the frustrations can help bring us to that realization if we let.
take a deep breath
Hashem should help us all to be matzliach in realizing the path that we are supposed to be taking

Dr.Watson wrote:


First, I left it out because I'm not in it.......
Secondly, since I'm not in it, I said I'm headed in the right direction.....
Thirdly, If a person can enjoy free time, how do they achieve soberness? Or, how do they get to the level that they can enjoy it without lusting? I hear what you are saying, I just haven't seen your solution.


On a side note, when someone breaks free on the addiction, does it all of a sudden just happen? The handbook says that you start by limiting it for longer and longer periods. That is where I'm at. 4 years ago I couldn't go 2 days without porn/masturbation. Now, I'm coming off 22 days. I think that that is progress. But I was busy with things to do during those days. I even had stressful situations where I didn't turn to lust for a release. I honestly feel that free time is terrible for the addiction. It's not even a release from anything. It's just because I have a half hour here, 20 minutes there, and that is what pops into my mind, even without seeing anything. I cleaned an entire car, 3 rooms, ran 4 errands, but when I'm done with those, I automatically revert to those thoughts. When I'm in school, I'm always planning ahead. Do I need to study for something? Do I have homework? It's like I'm in a different mode.

Thanks for the welcome, although beats me how u can know it's my 1st post... not bad
Anyway, as a clarification to my generalising of people's 'lust', I'd like to say that the main point is, don't expect it to just dissappear. As sad and depressing this truth is, it must b said. I will always have an evil inclination.
And I added the reward bit just as a technical proof to that fact. Not that it's the incentive or anything.
And one more thing: instead of focusing on the actually act of my, one cud try focusing on something a level down which prevent it. E.g. no touching the member. That is a clever trick in my opinion

Let It Begin wrote:


that's because I haven't offered a solution. how am I supposed to know what will fix your problems? what exactly are you looking for - some sort of magic post that will suddenly cure you?!

I can sense the anger and frustration in your posts and I'm sorry if I've contributed towards that. the truth is that I can:t really help you, you have to help yourself. the only thing I can do is point out some things I notice from what you write, so here goes: it strikes me from the bit I quoted above that you're going round and round in ever tightening circles of illogical reasoning and you're trapping yourself in the middle.

you expect the periods of abstentance (not sobriety) to get longer and longer until...until what, until you fall every 90 days? how long will it take to get even there? you've been at it for 4 years, how much longer are you prepared to give it?

I also thought this way and was constantly fighting to abstain for longer and longer periods of time. over 2 years I had got it up to 42 days. amazing! I didn't need SA, I was fighting it by myself. then something happened and I binged. I couldn't stop. for a few months I kept saying I've done 42 days I know how it's done. but in reality I had lost all my progress, all my confidence, it would have taken another 2 years to do another 42 days.

at that point I was fed up! how many years did I want to waste trying to prove that I can do this by myself? when that real and honest question formulated in my mind, it was a solitary moment of clarity and immediately called a friend of mine who is in SA. next day was my first meeting.

take from this what you will. I'm just asking the question. how much longer are you prepared to spend trying to prove that this can be done using unnecessarily difficult methods?