Hey guys, ever since I've started my break from school, I've had more of a struggle with my addiction. Although I am 22 days clean, I am beginning to feel its effects. For the first 20 days or so I was in school and I have never had a smoother 3 weeks. But, now that I am on break, the thought of looking at bad things has entered my mind. All this, even though I have been very good at not looking at women in the street.
I know that I need to stay busy, so I have been doing a lot of Pesach cleaning and running a lot of errands to fill the time productively.
Also, when I was feeling weak last night, Ezra was nice enough to help me get through it.
Whatever the case, is there anything that I could do to strengthen myself? I'm trying to post of the forums more often now that I have the time.
Thanks for reading!

I'm starting to see a pattern of guys saying that free time contributes towards falling. it's funny, nowhere in any AA or SA literature that I've read has the issue of free time come up. I mean if you're going to relapse every time you have free time, how do you intend to get past the problem permanently? by constantly distracting yourself with other things to do? hardly a long term solution is it.

Well then what advice do you have? I can't fix the problem if I don't know what it is.

no advice. just that from the way you phrased the question it sounded like you're whiteknuckling.

what do you think you should do?

I would advise using the chat bar below and REACHING OUT to other guys here! It has taken up a lot of my time (sometimes more than I should, its starting to become addicting ).

But also its great as other peopple can offer us chizzuk and it allows us to get out of ourselves. We are such "inner" people. We need to reach out to other people for help and to also help others as well (helps us become less selfish)

the good doctor raises a good point, i think that the question is if during that busy time all that's on ur mind is porn and lusting and every street u go down u cant watch ur eyes then yes ur not really gaining much, but if when ur busy u see that ur life taka is manageable and then when u have free time ur mind wanders and u fall then u really need to learn how to budget ur time and control ur urges, bec its not consuming ur life its only there on occasion, bec say u were busy for the rest of ur life u would really be fine so i cant see how a person like that is inherently sick

Dr.Watson


Does it say anything about triggering situations or rituals?

When a particular situation or setting was conducive to falling in the past, it is completely normal for cravings to hit when back in that situation/setting.

A super big shout out to Let it Begin

skeptical wrote:


maybe you can't fall when you're too busy (although speaking for myself I always somehow managed to find time when I wanted to), you also can't fall if you're asleep. that's doesn't mean that being awake itself is a trigger or that an acceptable solution is to take sleeping pills every time one feels urges.

opportunity does not seem to be the defining factor of whether someone is sober or not. I put it to you that if a guy falls the moment they have free time, it's a siman that they were never really sober at all, just whiteknuckling and avoiding the opportunity.

there are some triggering situations which as an addict I must avoid entirely, but situations that are part of normal life, like being tired, or having some free time can't be avoided in the same way. i believe a truly sober person would not have a problem with free time.

Good points Doc,

you're right about a truly sober person, and at the same time "free time" for someone workin' on sobriety can be an issue...it is one that he must, however, learn to overcome, or deal with.

I would also agree with you regarding "opportunity."
My second cycle, when I was somewhere in between whiteknuckling and an attempt to sobriety, "opportunity" was a big trigger. Now, I am in recovery process...mind you...not recovered at all...how will I handle opportunity? That is a good question, but it is not one I will be thinkin' about (like many questions posed here), for thinkin' gets me in trouble....I know what I must do now!

b'hatzlachah

I'm not sober, nor did I say I was sober when i posted this question. The reason I posted this question was because I'm not sober. I don't know why I can't control myself whenever this situation arises. In fact, I fell last night. I've utilized a lot of the tools on GYE so far but when I get one day off from my normal schedule I go crazy. I really don't believe I'd have fallen if I had school. That doesn't mean I'd be sober, but at least I'd be able to live my life distracted from my addiction.
Yes, distraction from lust isn't the goal here, its to let the lust go. That was what I was trying to ask about. Sorry if it wasn't clear. I read the handbook and attitude book, but I am clearly not sober. I know 22 days is a big accomplishment, but 1 day clean during my free time seems to be bigger. What I'm really asking I guess is, why have I not figured it out? How do I stop lusting? I've davened, used the chat, joined a group, requested a sponsor, got a filter. I'm headed in the right direction but I'm still lusting the same amount. How do I stop lusting?? Is it that you don't stop lusting until after you've stayed clean 90 days? That would mean that you have to use a lot of will power for those 90 days. I can let the lust go, but then after 8,10 15, days I seem to eventually get a stomach ache from the withdrawal. Does everyone have to just get past that stage?

Take a look at mishnayos kesubos 5:5

Also, Pirkei Avos 1:10

See meforshim.

Bottom line - work is good. Stay busy.

Dr.Watson
Not true, I have proven that this is possible.

Dr.Watson
Are we truly sober? Can we ever be truly sober? Maybe for a non-addict but for us, we need to keep busy

Let It Begin wrote:


I can't give advice because I don't know what will work for you. how could I possibly? you need to figure it out for yourself.

but I did notice a glaring omission from your list of things you tried, namely live SA meetings. now, i'm absolutely not going to tell you that you need to go to meetings, I'm just pointing out the omission.

I just don't agree with guys who say that you need to stay busy. you should be allowed to stop once in a while, take a break and enjoy some free time. what I'm getting at is that instead of asking how to avoid free time, or for some tricks to avoid falling during free time, what really needs work is sobriety - whether you're busy or not. how do you get sobriety? I can't tell you, i'm just trying to clarify the question.

dms1234 wrote:
I agree. Lots of people fall asleep every night (sorry, couldn't resist)