SIB101854 wrote:


Mind to explain what you mean?

Because, (I know this wasn't written to me, but) I personally knew that it was bad, not only an aveirah, but that it was harming me. Just realizing that did nothing for me. If the device was there, I might have walked away, only to be sweating the whole time, and to return a few minutes later patting myself on the back that I was able to walk away for a few minutes.

One wshould be more strict with that which is dangerous than which is forbidden. the device that you described is dangerous because it , as you demonstrated in your comment, led you to far worse thoughts and sights. It served as the portal for you to give into the Yetzer Hara.

for someone who is not addicted maybe that thought would help

Look at it this way-smoking and drinking are not against the law. Yet, if you smoke two packs a day for 20 years, and drink too much on a "social drinker" basis, there is no doubt that your health will be severely impacted with with the possibililty of HaShem Yerachem medical conditions that are presently incurable. Even second hand exposure to cigarette smoking is dangerous.

very logical and even very scary and terrifying, however that is one of the simanim of an addict that they even do illogical and scary things and it does not seem to be a deterrence

how many million smokers are there even after all of the surgeon generals warnings, maybe that helps for those who are not addicted and also to help those that are to realize that they should get help but did it ever help and addict stop by just reading that,doubtful

Ain Haci Nami-Rationalization and denial are two of the core elements of being an addict or of conduct that can lead to addictive behavior.

Well I'm quickly becoming more aware that I'm an addict. I just fell again, after 2 weeks clean. I just can't seem to stop. And yes I know its bad - I know its dangerous and downright harmful - yet I can't seem to stop myself... Give me an opening and i'll fall real quick. Sickening. disgusting. those are the only words I can think of to describe myself in this current state. Hashem Yerachaim.

Plonialmoni 11 wrote in part:

"And yes I know its bad - I know its dangerous and downright harmful - yet I can't seem to stop myself... Give me an opening and i'll fall real quick. Sickening. disgusting. those are the only words I can think of to describe myself in this current state. Hashem Yerachaim."

Dov wrote elsewehere in the name of two Tzadikim that your climb in Avodas HaShem begins from whatever level you find yourself-Try one day at a time. You realize the danger and the harm to your Neshamah-to use a football analogy-you have been sacked for a loss or maybe even committed a turnover. Just pick yourself up the ground and try again, and try here or with help to isolate the triggers that caused you to fall.

Thanks. The only trigger I can think of was Access. tonight I had access and my wife wasn't around and she left her unprotected device around. Other then that I can't really tell what my trigger was. I feel like i'm always triggered. Though I didn't even want it this time. There was no like desire - it just was.
Does this mean I'm worse than I thought? I just signed up for the partner program and requested a partner.. maybe that will help. I don't know - I'm sure I can pick myself up and due well. but whats going to protect me in the summer, when im on vacation? I haven't gone a clean summer in 5 years..

Some of my worst episodes of masturbation and accumulation of porn also occurred when I was alone in the house. The last two times that she was away visiting our kids out of town, I was and remained Tahor . It wasn't easy, but I found clean reading and anticipation of seeing my wife a great means of avoiding indulging myself in porn and masturbation.

Ashracha! i'm seriously considering the TAPhsic shvuah, but i'm a little scared of it. I can't imagine keeping it for a long period of time.. and the heavy knas is heavy... I just feel like i'll fall and then have to keep the knas and that will make me feel worse..

plonialmoni11 wrote:

this means that this is the metzius and besides for figuring out how to deal with the underlying issues, we also have to figure out a way to lessen the nisayon that we face.
is there any way possible to get your wife to have a filter installed on her device?
'not to leave a nisayon around'
'like the gedolim said'
'in case the wrong person gets a hold of it (some relative or guest or for when the children get older)'
I'm sure the oilam here could add some creative eitzos if the above won't work

Sorry to hear about your fall......

But it's as the others wrote FELL SHMELL!!! The only thing we can do with a fall is learn from it, and learn from it you did!!!

I found two points in what you wrote 1) Opportunity. But more importantly 2) plonialmoni11 wrote:


That really hit home for me, because when I hit that realization it was simple that I needed to put most of my focus on that!! The unfiltered computer, home alone, on the plane, etc. were all just the places where all the built up triggers could shoot. But if I could learn to stop the triggers, then they wouldn't need to shoot!! So I started working on shemiras einayim, and lusting after my wife which I found were two of my main lusting points.

A little bit after that after falling after 152 days I learned that there is another "trigger" and that is my attitude towards life, and if my attitude was negative then I would look for lsut and eventually slip and fall. So I started working on that.

Get up!! JUST KEEP ON TRUCKING!!!! It's one day at a time here, and today we can be clean, all of us the same, just for today!!

Pidaini wrote:


A negative attitude towards life is a trigger to lust.
Wonder how we fix that.......