some_guy wrote:


So what happened?

--Elyah

Yep, happened to me.

I fell on Friday. I am not depressed. I got 8 clean days in a row! Before my record was 3. I hope this week goes just as well.

Wow that's amazing! You can do it! KUTGW & KOMT!!!

Hi there, amigo! You are not alone....that's a little helpful to remember.

I spoke to Dov last night. He helped a lot. I want to share what I told him. The thing that bothers me to most about M and P is not that I am scared of Gehennom. Its that I feel like an animal when I do it. It makes me feel like I can't control myself. So, what do I do now?

show yourself you CAN control yourself,

do something to prove it,

tell yourself you are going to wake up 6 am tomorrow to learn b4 davening and DO it.

some_guy wrote:


That is step one and...

some_guy wrote:


there is a solution.

--Elyah

@some_guy - I've been in your shoes. One thing that I found very difficult was the depression that resulted from M. It made me feel like a hypocrite, professing to keep mitzvot while secretly violating them. The truth is that it's not a question of willpower - we need to recognize that we're addicts and it's a sickness that can be treated, but the regular treatment isn't just willing ourselves to overcome it, reading a lot of mussar (Jewish ethics) etc.

I just finished reading the GYE pdf on attitudes and think that you might find it very helpful as well. It's uplifting to hear that
- Those of us who deal with this, are also able to attain an extremely intense connection w/ G'; it's the flip side of the addiction. Our personalities have great strength and ability - not only for bad, but also for unparalleled good.
- G' cares about our effort, not just results. He's not blind to the struggle you're leading and every moment you resists successfully, He looks upon with great favour.

I'd encourage you to take the time to read this file patiently, and even print it out if you can:
www.guardureyes.com/GUE/PDFs/eBooks/GuardYourEyes%20Attitude.pdf

THats great stuff!

But real progress takes real action, not real thoughts. Get off your tuchess and take real actions of real love to those around you; take real actions of real recovery like you are doing already here by admitting the truth (but even more).

Getting to davening on time and stuff like that will help you a lot with a good self-respect. But it is not enough. Preoccupy yourself with being useful to others in your life and to the Jewish people (actions of real love) and preoccupy yourself with more honesty and simple actions of recovery.

You and all of us need to do these things - not to 'distract ourselves from lusting', but to get a life. Get a life man! We all need to grow up. I still am, one day at a time.

I love you and so do lots of other people (and Hashem does, too, all the time).

- Dov

Thanks. It feels so great to know that so many people support me. I will read the handbook again, and maybe I will take something different away from it now.

No, the answer is not in reading more or thinking more - it is in doing more real life things and growing up only happens that way. Hatzlocha.

I am not in position to give advices...so I won't. I'll just say, that I am glad to hear You made a new personal record!
keep up the good work.

Shloyme.

I have decided to give some of tzedakah every time I fall. I hope this will help motivate me to change.

some_guy wrote:


Look inside yourself. What do you need to change? I'm not just talking about the p*rn and m*sturbation that you want to stop doing, but those difficult thoughts and feelings that cause all that pain in the first place that you are seeking pain relief from (that's usually how it works).

It could be anything from boredom to rage to dread to general confusion to suicidal thoughts.

It could be fights with your wife (if you're married), neighbors, parents, friends, the guy who sits next to you in shul, your boss.

You've got to take a look at what's going wrong, and then take a gruelingly honest look at your part in it.

That, I've found, is what needs to change. When the pain of everyday life goes away, then I don't feel compelled to grab the painkiller.

--Elyah