some_guy wrote:


My dear chaver,

I'm gonna say this as bluntly as I can (because I love you of course)

As long as you feel that tikun klali and mikvah are integral to your rectification process, you will probably never break the pattern of fall/hocus-pocus.

Let's face it if all it takes is a hot bath and a few hail marys to fix a 5 hour porn binge, why would anyone one in their right mind try to abstain from a life of lust, testosterone and dishonesty?

Our sages teach us that the teshuva recovery process is different for someone who is ensconced in sin. Under normal circumstances the chronological order is 1. confession, 2. regret, 3. resolution (not to sin again) and 4. azivas hacheit which means "leaving the sin".

Our sages teach us that one who is up to his eyballs in sin needs to do step 4 first.

That's right. Focus on stopping now.

Chabibi, don't worry about how the she-deomons are gonna hurt you and start worrying about what you are hurting yourself and the people around you.

With love, admiration and hope,

Eli

i agree



i agree



i agree (ok fine maybe people care about you )



i agree (though maybe you can elaborate about why there isn't perfection in recovery, not sure why not)

but i was just trying to say why sg can do this without anything but commitment and why he'll succeed so if i took your point well then i think we're on the same page.... are we?
hope so

Hello. I was told to post everyday even if I have nothing to say, so I am posting even though I have nothing to say.

Some Guy,

That's GREAT!

KUTGW.

Part of the problem, at the core of our compulsive behavior, is that our ego has gone wild. In brief: The acting out isn't really our problem; it's our solution. We use it to cover up the pain of life--the restlessness, irritability, and discontent (RID)--to escape, and to feel good. However, the relief is only temporary, and then it leaves us afterwards feeling worse than before.

But why the RID? Because life hasn't gone the way we expected. We forever live in the past filled with resentments, or in the future filled with fears (False Evidence Appears Real). Life has gone on a collision course with our ego.

Part of recovery is following the suggestions from people who have gone a little bit ruther along the road to recovery than we have ourselves--even though we may feel stupid doing so. At first when I employed one of the tools of recovery--calling people to share that I felt I was about to fall--I felt really stupid. Calling someone, "Hi, I'm about to m*sturbate." And they would respond, "Thankyou for sharing." And, at first that was about it but it was okay because just as I called them and felt stupid, they were calling me and also feeling stupid. It was part of being in the club. It is also an antidote to the ego. Anything that breaks the ego is good for recovery.

Little by little, I have learned to keep watch of those underlying feelings of RID that eventually build up and compel me to act out. I am now calling people to share with them the difficulties I am facing with my life, and also the successes, and also just to be in touch--and sometimes just to ask, "How have you been?". I have come much more out of isolation (another big part of this sickness) and have formed deeper friendships than I have ever had ever before in my life. I can share with people what's really on my mind and feel safe doing so. For over 30 years of my life I never really had that.

--Elyah

PS: When I first began to respond, I really did not think I had much to say beyond "KUTGW." Sometimes my responses end there and I feel a little silly about it. But, sometimes as I started writing (like right now), things started coming to mind. That happens quite a bit when just checking in to say hello; we start getting in touch with ourselves (and being out-of-touch with ourselves (and with other people) is another dimension of this sickness.)

Hello

some_guy wrote:


Can we call you SG for short?

some_guy wrote:


KUTGW

I find it a little odd how much importance people attach to names on this site. I think it is because some people do not want to be found in "real life". I know it seems a little paranoid, o.k. its very paranoid, but I have actually tried to find myself online, so I now what I can and can not give to stay safe. My screen name is some_guy, my given name is Elias and my Hebrew name is Eliyahu. I really don't care which one or even a nickname you use.

some_guy wrote:


Hello Eliyahu,

It's not for naught that people make a big deal out of names here. One major ingredient to recovery is coming out of our fake double-life and being real, honest, and open with people. With fake names in these forums of virtual recovery, it's just as easy to hide behind a facade and not really recover.

In an extreme example, I once had a debate with a few people on a certain issue in this forum. I was being ganged up on. I didn't understand why, although what I wrote--I thought--was very compelling and convincing, why wasn't anyone taking it seriously. Nobody!

However, I picked up on something strange in the discussion, double-checked with Guard, and it turned out that all the fake user-names I was arguing with were all originated from the exact same computer. They were all the same person! I was putting so much time and effort into trying to be helpful and here was someone playing games with me. That was a shock and I had very little to do with the forum for a very long time after that.

Besides that, I've seen the syndrome of people here switching from one username to another. It becomes a game. "Well, if I didn't recover as NEWUSER, I'll be able to recovery as THIS_TIME_I'LL_WIN."

Recovery comes about, first and foremost, from accepting who you are--who you really are, both the good and the seemingly not-so-good. From being comfortable with yourself, and from being comfortable showing other people who you REALLY are. It doesn't help to hide behind a fake name and, especially, to try and change your image every few months. To pretend that NOW you're somebody else, yet again.

And again, and again, and again.

--Elyah

I had a rough night. I went to bed early so I could wake-up on time. I had trouble falling asleep, so I took some melatonin (a sleeping pill). I was still wide awake. Normally when that happens I would M. I didn't fall asleep until 1:00 or so and I kept waking up, but I didn't fall! However, that morning I fell, or slipped. I am not really sure where the line is. But either way, I survived the night!

Fantastic!

Thanks for the post!

KUTGW,

--Elyah

Nice to hear.

By the way:



Ha, cute.

I had another bad night. Better morning.

and better shabbos iy'h