In continuation of our story, Yerachmiel meets with the Rosh Yeshiva in his office that afternoon, to drink Lechayim and celebrate the victory they experienced that day over Lust.
The sense of victory and fulfillment were evident on Yerachmiel's face, but I noticed that in spite of this, something seemed to be bothering him. "Yerachmiel", I said to him, "I know you already well enough to sense your feelings, and the look in your eyes tells me that in spite of today's impressive victory there's something that still bothers you. Do you want to share it with me?"
He smiled sheepishly and said: "I can't hide anything from the Rosh yeshiva. It's true, there's something that I think about often, especially lately, and it bothers me a lot - but I have no idea why."
"That's why I'm here, Yerachmiel", I answered, "even though you are so busy with the Otzar Ha'sefarim lately, that soon I'll need to make an appointment with you before we can meet", I joked.
"I know and I feel that I've made great progress since our first talk, and today I'm in a different place altogether than where I was then", said Yerachmiel. "In one of our first talks, I asked the Rosh yeshiva if other Bochurim also have thoughts like these, and the Rosh Yeshiva told me that almost all Bochurim have fantasies about girls, and that it's natural. But what is difficult for me to understand and accept is, why is it so hard for me to cope with Lust, while I'm sure without any doubt that most of the other Bochurim in Yeshiva, even if they do have fantasies from time to time, don't have these powerful struggles like I do with Lust. Why does this happen particularly to me?"
"The question you asked now, touches on the very heart of understanding what Lust is and how it works", I told him, "and the fact that this bothers you specifically now, is yet another proof of your impressive progress. It shows you are mature enough to seek a deeper understanding of yourself - which wasn't possible when the lust used to burn inside you and require immediate gratification.
"And so, what indeed is Lust, and how exactly does it work? I don't know if you paid attention, but you were very specific in the way you expressed your question. You didn't ask me why you are tested sexually more than others, but rather why it is so difficult for you to cope with Lust.
"Let's think for a moment; what is the difference between a sexual drive and Lust. Let's start with the sexual drive, which is easier to understand. This drive is a strong need to engage in sexual relations of any form. It's a physical and existential need of man, by virtue of the fact that he is human. It's similar to many other physical needs like eating and sleeping, which a man, both as an individual and as part of mankind as a whole, could not exist without. This is apparently simple, and self-understood.
"But if this drive was only a physical-existential need to engage in sexual relations, all people should have the same sexual drive more or less. And the same goes for eating; if eating was only a physical need to keep us alive, all people should have more or less the same appetite for food. But it's not that way. The reality is, that the tests and drives of one person are not the same as the tests and drives of another. Why is this? Why is food an insatiable temptation for some people, while for others, a minimal amount of simple food is enough to satisfy them? And why do you for example, have much stronger tests in sexual areas than others have?
"Maybe", Yerachmiel ventured, "food and sex are really just physical and existential needs, but some people simply have bigger appetites naturally, while others are happy with little?"
"If this were true", I replied, "we would see that the same people that had strong sexual drives would also be particularly predisposed to eating lots of good food, and people who had less cravings for food would also have weaker sexual drives. But the reality shows that this is not so. There are some people with strong cravings for food, and others that have stronger sexual drives.
"What we can learn from this, is that each particular drive - whether it's for sex, food, or anything else - must have an additional component that needs to be taken into account. Besides the simple physical nature of lusting for sex or food, there is an additional layer, which is deeper and more connected to the subconscious. Heightened sexual desire or uncontrollable cravings for food, are actually symptoms of a deep subconscious need, that for some reason, has still not reached fulfillment. This lack of contentment creates a kind of void inside us, something like a subconscious vacuum, which Lust immediately fills. This is then actualized in our conscious mind, through a powerful sexual drive that feels out of control.
"What we can learn from this in a practical sense, is that if we seek to understand the deep subconscious void that exists inside us and we learn to channel these powerful inner strengths in a positive and constructive manner, then automatically the lust - along with the sexual drive, will be significantly lessened".
"So the Rosh Yeshiva is saying that, as opposed to other Bochurim in Yeshiva, there exists a subconscious void inside me that hasn't been filled for some reason or another, and because of this, I suffer from stronger sexual drives than everyone else, did I understand correctly?" asked Yerachmiel.
"You are getting close", I answered, "but it's even deeper than that"...