Welcome, Guest
Recent Posts

Post 6 09 Jul 2025 18:05 #438642

Hey great forum people!

I hope you guys feel good. I pray for your success. I cried so much. It feels like even nowadays the gates of tears are closed. If one happens to get through. It should be a zchus for everyone here. I try to come here to give you guys chizzuk. Good luck.

Re: Trueme 09 Jul 2025 14:43 #438638

  • BenHashemBH
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 1162
  • Karma: 42
trueme wrote on 09 Jul 2025 00:13:
P.S. Another thought. I shudder to think how people I was very close to view me now that they are in the עולם האמת. So embarrasing!!! Horrifying! Another thought that Im disturbed by is the "video" Ive been told that plays in שמים about your life. Oy, vus far a true me is going to be seen!! I hope with תשובה the video can be edited, or at least have a good ending. 

Dear Brother,
Not that I know, but I'd wager that those close to you in the Olam HaEmes have far more to celebrate seeing you working on this. Please be fair to yourself. Also, might be worth noting that I suspect you don't feel such embarrassment from say speaking lashon hara? 

The parts you want edited out are likely the essence of your good ending. We don't want to see our aveiros, but the challenges and failures are davka what make the trying and triumphs meaningful. 
Today is yesterday's tomorrow.
The yetzarim a person has the most trouble dealing with are his most powerful God-given tools for developing his potential and achieving shleimus.
It doesn't matter how big the number is, only that today it is going up by one.
There is no "just" when it comes to lust.

Please feel free to reach out. I'd appreciate connecting with you (via GYE, email, or phone - whatever floats your boat)
A little about me: guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/412971-I-Want-to-Help-Others
The following user(s) said Thank You: upanddown, trueme, iwantlife, lamaazavtuni

Re: No Despair Allowed 09 Jul 2025 13:28 #438634

Good morning, all.

I am grateful for another clean day. Yesterday, I stuck with my geder of no recreational Internet use when no one else is around.

I started the work day today reading Lesson 2. Are You Ready for This Level of Support? and watching Turbulence in the Brain. Both in the 'Daily Plan' on my GYE Dashboard. When I joined GYE, that content was yet to be part of my experience. Even if it was available, it wasn't front and center on a dashboard. When it first appeared, I ignored it. I come here for the day count and the forum. For some reason (read: divine assistance), yesterday, I decided to start reviewing the content. It has already made a big difference. I feel like my struggle with P&M is more serious. I feel more motivated.

Day Count: 15 Days
No 'P' Count: 27 Days
Cumulative Count: 1685 Days
The following user(s) said Thank You: kavey, chosemyshem, lamaazavtuni, daverose2

Re: Hi 09 Jul 2025 12:54 #438632

  • Muttel
  • Current streak: 430 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 697
  • Karma: 34
Welcome!!

Amazing work, Imy'h by all of us!

I'd also ask, how'd you do it?
We're in this struggle together; feel free to reach out! 
My email is currently down, and I don't have access to it right now. 

Feel free to call/text! (908) 251-9590 (google)

Check out my thread here: guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/413043-My-ENTIRE-story#413043
The following user(s) said Thank You: lamaazavtuni
Got in a fight with wife two nights ago. Was supposed to go out last night with her but got into another fight (ironically it had to do with where we were supposed to go). Today is Day 5. 

My friend OveidElokim sent me an awesome podcast by Eli Nash featuring Avi Wolf. Really fresh perspective on this addiction. Still working with that inspiration. 
The following user(s) said Thank You: tzitzis dude, oivedelokim, pomegranate, lamaazavtuni
  • alex94
  • Current streak: 194 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Expert Boarder
  • Posts: 112
tzitzis dude wrote on 09 Jul 2025 04:21:
Openly show our love for the works of R’ Shmuel Kunda, ע״ה. 

Are you Syria?!
The following user(s) said Thank You: tzitzis dude, iyh2023
  • tzitzis dude
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 673
  • Karma: 29
Openly show our love for the works of R’ Shmuel Kunda, ע״ה. 
I don’t know who decided that his tapes (yes, I call them tapes. That’s how I grew up [fine, never really grew up. More like in my early years of life], and so it shall remain. But I digress) were “for children”, but that is complete and utter narishkeit. The more I listen to his stuff, the more I appreciate the sheer brilliance involved (putting aside the fact that he was a pioneer in the whole industry of storytelling and the like). His beautiful, simple compositions. Fantastic rhymes. Fascinating storylines. And of course, the voices and characters. Powerful messages. The list could go on and on.
:pinch: Warning: Spoiler!
“Verbing weirds language”
-Calvin. 
“Getting an inch of snow is like winning ten cents in the lottery”
-also Calvin.
“The most important thing is sincerity. Once you can fake that, the rest is easy.”
-Groucho Marks.
”And since when do I take orders from a fish?”
-Mama Himmelstein.
“Pornography is a bad answer to a good question”
-R’ Daniel Kalish
“True bitachon means accepting all inconveniences; not just the convenient inconveniences.”
-Rabbi Dovid Kaplan.
The following user(s) said Thank You: gevura shebyesod, proudyungerman, goldwings
  • tzitzis dude
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 673
  • Karma: 29
By one of my Sheva Brachos’s, I’m pretty sure I called my Shver’s brother, “Totty”. (It was a whole bunch of years ago. I can’t be sure if I actually said it, but I seem to remember him giving me a look that said “???”.)
“Verbing weirds language”
-Calvin. 
“Getting an inch of snow is like winning ten cents in the lottery”
-also Calvin.
“The most important thing is sincerity. Once you can fake that, the rest is easy.”
-Groucho Marks.
”And since when do I take orders from a fish?”
-Mama Himmelstein.
“Pornography is a bad answer to a good question”
-R’ Daniel Kalish
“True bitachon means accepting all inconveniences; not just the convenient inconveniences.”
-Rabbi Dovid Kaplan.

Re: hopeful but cautious 09 Jul 2025 01:48 #438622

  • eerie
  • Current streak: 1055 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 1814
Dave, so true. I think the nekuda is that when we have no inner peace, we tend to shut out the world from our inner self, but when we learn to face our insides, with all their deficiencies, it does give us a chance to come to a place of acceptance of ourselves, which calms us and gives us the confidence to allow ourselves to share
Thanks again!
Feel free to say hi. My email is 1gimpelovitz@gmail.com
The following user(s) said Thank You: Muttel, lamaazavtuni, daverose2

Re: Hi 09 Jul 2025 01:43 #438621

  • eerie
  • Current streak: 1055 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 1814
Wow! Can you please share more details, tell us how you did it so we can all learn
Feel free to say hi. My email is 1gimpelovitz@gmail.com
The following user(s) said Thank You: captain, עם הנבחר, hashemisonmyside, Muttel, lamaazavtuni

Re: Trueme 09 Jul 2025 00:13 #438616

  • trueme
  • Current streak: 1 day
  • OFFLINE
  • Senior Boarder
  • Posts: 55
  • Karma: 4
upanddown wrote on 08 Jul 2025 10:04:

trueme wrote on 07 Jul 2025 23:45:
Im in close contact with Yechida we are good friends.

What does that mean tried Torah?

I feel like I dont have consistent and long enough stretches.

What about בראתי יצר הרע בראתי תורה תבלין? How do you understand that?

If I may add to BenHashemBH's beautiful, Maharal-style explanation, there is also a very simple, natural understanding of this Gemara:
Toiling in Torah (עמל התורה) gets rid of the YH*. Full stop. BUT, someone who is sick must go to see a doctor. If you have an infection, then you go to a doctor. Learning Torah won't get rid of the infection. Someone who is a sex addict (or if that sounds too scary, then just call it "sick") must go and get some extra help, like tools on GYE, seeing a psychologist, or joining SA groups, depending on the severity of the addiction/sickness. Torah won't be sufficient. Once you're back to relatively normal & healthy levels of YH, then learning Torah will be your protection: אם אבן הוא נימוח ואם ברזל הוא מתפוצץ. 

See this thread, for some more discussion on this topic.


*From the Gemara Kiddushin 30b it is clear that it's mainly referring to עסק התורה, not just living a Torah-dik life.

כָּךְ הַקָּדוֹשׁ בָּרוּךְ הוּא אָמַר לָהֶם לְיִשְׂרָאֵל בָּנַי בָּרָאתִי יֵצֶר הָרָע וּבָרָאתִי לוֹ תּוֹרָה תַּבְלִין וְאִם אַתֶּם עוֹסְקִים בַּתּוֹרָה אֵין אַתֶּם נִמְסָרִים בְּיָדוֹ שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר הֲלוֹא אִם תֵּיטִיב שְׂאֵת

תָּנָא דְּבֵי רַבִּי יִשְׁמָעֵאל בְּנִי אִם פָּגַע בְּךָ מְנֻוּוֹל זֶה מׇשְׁכֵהוּ לְבֵית הַמִּדְרָשׁ אִם אֶבֶן הוּא נִימּוֹחַ וְאִם בַּרְזֶל הוּא מִתְפּוֹצֵץ שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר הֲלוֹא כֹה דְבָרִי כָּאֵשׁ נְאֻם ה' וּכְפַטִּישׁ יְפֹצֵץ סָלַע אִם אֶבֶן הוּא נִימּוֹחַ שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר הוֹי כׇּל צָמֵא לְכוּ לַמַּיִם וְאוֹמֵר אֲבָנִים שָׁחֲקוּ מַיִם

Thank you all for your responses. Im digesting. I was silly for saying Im a garbage bag but that was how I felt. I really think Im capable of alot better and I think I mean that as a kick in the pants. I know Hashem loves me (Although I have to work on feeling that - alot) but I am kind of shouting at myself - nu?! You should be finishing ש"ס and writing חידושים! And in stead this?!!

I think both the Steipler in his correspondence to Dr. Greenwald (Where I think he is talking about getting a person out of depression) says along the lines of up and down. Do you recall a חזון איש in אגרות or in אמונה ובטחון that says more along with the lines of a person being distant from the effects of תורה because of אבירות?

In terms of depression. That is a sickness and this is a yetzer hara - isn't that what it is? So an addict, or someone that indulges too much turns this beyond a yetzer hara and into a sickness? Sad. I was not born like that. I turned myself from a very pure innocent boy into something Im disgusted with. And yet that's not the true me. But thats how I feel - stronger urges and issues than before? What is the true me? I think It's like I have layers that are pulling me down and stifling the true me - but the true me remains pure, just covered by a kelippah. Once the kelippah is removed, the true me will shine, as it is already natrually doing, albeit stiffled.

Excuse me for talking to myself. 

What does anyone here think?

P.S. Another thought. I shudder to think how people I was very close to view me now that they are in the עולם האמת. So embarrasing!!! Horrifying! Another thought that Im disturbed by is the "video" Ive been told that plays in שמים about your life. Oy, vus far a true me is going to be seen!! I hope with תשובה the video can be edited, or at least have a good ending. 

Sorry if this sounds immature, only here because of anonymity status and when I'm talking to yechida can I speak freely like this. I think its cathartic. But I'm curious to hear the thoughts of the assembeled. I appreciate the resourcefulness of this intelligent group.

I want to leave off with a challenge - can anyone post if they are a תלמיד חכם (Can answer basic פשט in most of ש"ס and שולחן ערוך and learn when they can with Hasmadah, and still struggle with P and M? The theories sound nice - I want real hard examples - and if we can somehow get a poll with some real numbers that would be great. Anyone?
Last Edit: 09 Jul 2025 00:45 by trueme.

Re: Sick and tired 08 Jul 2025 23:54 #438615

  • upanddown
  • Current streak: 62 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Gold Boarder
  • Posts: 274
  • Karma: 20
iwantlife wrote on 08 Jul 2025 17:28:
....................
3) As chaimoigen (and many others) have pointed out, I don't really have a "lust problem" (generally speaking), I have a "living problem". Harsh but true. The fact is, watching porn since you're 10 to escape stress creates some pretty strong neural pathways re escaping when the going gets tough, That said, I've gone for 6 months before, and 2 months now, I certainly can  do it; I need to be better about managing life, because its a ride that I can't (and don't want to!) get off of. How exactly, I'm not sure, open to suggestions..

Kudos for the 60 clean days. For the countless number of wins. And for your positive outlook on your onwards journey... You're lucky to have found that bright-orange black-box so quickly btw!

Regarding thought nr 3: Managing life. Escaping stress. It's a really tough one. I very much relate to this issue.
My brain was also wired that way from a very young age. My parents would fight on a daily basis, there was tension, I felt stress, so off I went to the bathroom crying bitter tears. Then masturbating. Then crying even more. Not once but hundreds of times!! No wonder my primary way of avoiding stress has been acting out. 
Ok, enough about myself.
I don't have much to say other than that I feel for you and hope you manage to work something out.

Keep going strong!! Your fall is בטל בשישים!!
My favourite resources:
1. "זאת בריתי". hebrewbooks.org/56572 (PM me for a sharper version)
2. "שערי גדולה". hebrewbooks.org/48344
3.  guardyoureyes.com/ebooks/item/the-battle-of-the-generation

My journey: Emunah struggles, Celebrating a fall, I'm fed up(main thread), I'm drowning, Tips for Shmiras Einayim.
The following user(s) said Thank You: captain, authenticeved, richtig, iwantlife, lamaazavtuni

Re: Hi 08 Jul 2025 23:23 #438613

A year!!!!!!!!!!

WOW!!!!!!!!!

That's amazing!!!!!

SSSL's Story (Google Doc)​ [You will need to request permission, which I'm happy to give.]
Holy In Jerusalem (My Thread)

Feel free to say hi or send some chizuk over @ stopsurvivingstartliving2024@gmail.com.
My google voice number got shut down, so I won't be able to receive or send messages from there.

The following user(s) said Thank You: Muttel

Change 08 Jul 2025 23:02 #438611

  • greatmax
  • OFFLINE
  • Fresh Boarder
  • Posts: 2
  • Karma: 0
Im interested to know what factor got you to change 

Hi 08 Jul 2025 23:01 #438610

  • greatmax
  • OFFLINE
  • Fresh Boarder
  • Posts: 2
  • Karma: 0
Struggling all my life clean for a year 
Time to create page: 0.62 seconds

Are you sure?

Yes