Please see this page for what Rabbi Twerski wrote on the issue: guardyoureyes.com/articles/rabbi-twerski/item/do-i-have-to-tell-my-date

You obviously shouldn't tell in the beginning. But if the dating goes well and you are getting close to proposing, you need to come clean. You don't need to share details, but just the general picture.

If she is the right one for you, she will accept you for who you are.

Keep in mind, we are assuming you are clean for a while. Otherwise you shouldn't even be dating. We generally don't advise marriage until a year clean. Dating, at least half a year.

May Hashem be with you.

There's always an initial burst of inspiration in the beginning, but the addiction doesn't go away so easily. It takes work.

Watch the 8 minute video on the homepage to see what other tools you can try.

Go through your personal-home-page guardyoureyes.com/homepage and see which tools you haven't tried yet.

A few points of advice:

1) If you see a psychiatrist, please make sure he is trained in dealing with addiction. Otherwise you will likely be wasting a lot of time and money.

2) Regarding the Shavuah you made, make sure to renew it BEFORE it expires, so your Yetzer Hara / addiction does not use the loophole to get you to act-out.

3) I see that Dov has commented twice already on your thread. Dov is 18 years sober in SA and he is very wise (besides being the head moderator of this forum). So make sure to read his words carefully, they are often much deeper than appear at first glance.

4) Regarding what you wrote:



That is precisely why the 12-Steps can be so helpful. They help you make that inner change you are talking about. Please join our anonymous 12-Step conferences on the phone, every day Mon - Thurs. There is no excuse that "someone will see you" in these groups, since they are by phone.

Regarding your insistence that you can't join a live group, I totally understand your hesitation, but please read what a GYE member wrote to me not long ago:



And another one wrote:

This story has all the hallmarks of a real addiction. This is not just a "Yetzer Hara", this is insanity.

As the founder of this website, and with years of experience dealing with hundreds of cases, I would advise the following two things:

1) Find an SA (sexaholics anonymous) 12 Step group nearest to you and join ASAP. See www.sa.org for more information and to find a meeting close to you. At the meetings, you will learn how to break free of these destructive, addictive behaviors. You will find a sponsor to work the steps with, and group support to help you overcome this. If you would like a frum contact to guide you to an SA meeting near you, call me on the hotline 646-600-8100 Ext. 3 or write to gye.help@gmail.com.

2) Make a shvuah in the name of Hashem (and actually say Hashem's name) that if you intentionally step foot into a non-Jewish bar in the coming 6 months, you will have to give $18,000 to www.guardyoureyes.com for Tzedaka.

Option 2 may sound strange, but I know that this really works. And as long as you are in active addiction, option 1 won't work either. So you need to take this jump before any "inner change" can start taking place.

It is the Yartzeit of the Ohr Hachaim Hakadosh today. See what he wrote about making shvuos for gidrei arayos on this page. And see also what he wrote about breaking free of addictions to arayos on this page. There are some yesodos there that sound very much like the 12-Step program's mehalech.

In the zechus of the Ohr Hachayim, and in the zechus of your reaching out for help, may Hashem show you His great Rachamim and grant you back your sanity.

www.whatsmybrowser.org/
(test)

stepstoliving.org/test.php

What a beautiful post. I would like to share it in a chizuk e-mail...

But I'd just like to get some background please. How long have you been clean for, more or less? When did you discover GYE? And what methods did you use to get - and stay - clean? Where did you learn your new attitude to life? Was it on GYE, from the handbook, or from the 12-Step phone conferences? Was it from live groups? If so, how long have you been in these groups and/or on the phone conferences?

Dov wrote about the workshop (before it began on March 9, 2015) as follows:

• Are you a sex or lust addict who is willing to do whatever it takes to live free?
• Have you found the steps to be a waste of time?
• Do you know the 12 steps well but still feel they don't speak to you in a practical way?
• Are you a non-addict upset with your own pesky desires for schmutz and curious about the 12 steps?
• Are you frustrated about your inability to stop acting-out with lust in a way that addicts seem to use their drugs?
• Are you tired of these prying questions?

As a recovering addict, I will be sharing each of the steps on the calls based on simple honesty and openness about myself, my disease, and my experience using these steps one day at a time as a Jew, husband and father. So let's work off our Purim booze and bring our most embarrassing questions and worst complaints about the steps (and maybe about ourselves, too) Monday-Thursday March 9-19th. (After all, Pesach will still be a few weeks away and our wives seem to be doing fine without us, as usual...)

The general agenda will be to share how the steps work as a single, simple unit to help sick people get well be"H.

Talk 1 - Step 1 and the 12 Step culture: Who needs any of it? Who needs all of it? (This call will be followed by an invitation for anyone who wishes, to share their short, written, 1st step on a private PIN # we will arrange).

Talk 2 - Steps 2 and 3: What's missing from these steps for frum Jews, and why aren't these steps enough on their own for addicts in recovery?

Talk 3 - Steps 4-7 and the answer to last week's question, be"H, and why step 4 alone doesn't solve any problems.

Talk 4 - Steps 8-10 and how they are part of step 7 and the way to get and keep a 3rd step.

Talk 5 - Steps 11 and 12 and finally something a little religious! Why wait so long for something so good? And why wait till after all these steps to start sponsoring others?

Talk 6 - Step 12 1/2? A discussion about how being frum can help recovery or hurt it - and also about how being frum can help - or hurt - avodas Hashem, of all things.

Nobody will be asked to use their real names when sharing on the call, as this line is obviously not a secure one due to the PIN being available online. But all who wish, are encouraged to speak up in a way that keeps the decorum comfortable for all. It is hoped that all of us keep the 11th and 12th traditions of AA on this call and do not ever break anyone else's anonymity in any way. And that is the only way calls like this - and any recovery groups - can ever survive and succeed.

Any suggestions/questions about the call can be sent to my email wequithiding@gmail.com- please type "WORKSHOP" in the subject.

Thanks, and G-d bless all of us, addicts or not!

- Dov

Dov - from the "Daily Dose of Dov" (who is currently 18 years sober in SA) gave over a 12-Step workshop on the phone for GYE members in a series of 12 sessions over a 3 week period (from March 9 - March 26, 2015).

In spite of what Dov wrote about the workshop before the launch (see the next post) the workshop ended up being a total of 12 talks (instead of the planned 6). After the workshop finished, Dov summed up the talks as follows:

• Talks 1-2: Self honesty and the Problem
• Talks 3-10: Going through the steps
• Talks 11-12: Bringing it all together - a good summary of the entire program.

Click here to download a Zip of all 12 Talks.

Right click the links below and press "Save Link/Target As" to save the MP3s onto your computer.
- Part 1 of Dov's Workshop
- Part 2 of Dov's Workshop
- Part 3 of Dov's Workshop
- Part 4 of Dov's Workshop
- Part 5 of Dov's Workshop
- Part 6 of Dov's Workshop
- Part 7 of Dov's Workshop
- Part 8 of Dov's Workshop
- Part 9 of Dov's Workshop
- Part 10 of Dov's Workshop
- Part 11 of Dov's Workshop
- Part 12 of Dov's Workshop
_________________________________________________

To listen to these talks by phone:
Dial (641) 715-3813
PIN: 637207#

Part 1 of Dov's Workshop: Reference number #98
Part 2 of Dov's Workshop: Reference number #99
Part 3 of Dov's Workshop: Reference number #100
Part 4 of Dov's Workshop: Reference number #101
Part 5 of Dov's Workshop: Reference number #103
Part 6 of Dov's Workshop: Reference number #104
Part 7 of Dov's Workshop: Reference number #105
Part 8 of Dov's Workshop: Reference number #106
Part 9 of Dov's Workshop: Reference number #108
Part 10 of Dov's Workshop: Reference number #109
Part 11 of Dov's Workshop: Reference number #110
Part 12 of Dov's Workshop: Reference number #111

After we posted the recordings, Dov wrote to us as follows:
Thank you for giving me the opportunity to work my 12th step yet again and in a new way. I hope it helps all who listen, and that those who listen know that they can just email me for any clarifications, disagreements, or just to talk. If there'd be a way to directly let them know how to do that wherever the recordings are available, it'd really be a proper 12th step and I'd be even more grateful. (To write to Dov, send an e-mail to: wequithiding@gmail.com)

After the workshop, one of the participants wrote to Dov:
The workshop was great, not just good! In the beginning I almost thought you were just plain crazy. I am 24 years old, I've been in a good yeshiva my whole life, nothing ever hit home like this workshop. I didn't know how you did it, but now I do. You live in G-d's hands. I have two words to tell you: Thank you, thank you, and thank you.

Please write any issues to eyes.guard@gmail.com

Thanks!

Daniel UK writes:

I want to share with you ways that you can create miracles in your life!

This disease is tough and we need a miracle to overcome it.

Most of you by now should be working steps 10, 11 and 12 on a daily basis and if you are, then you should already be seeing miracles happening.

One of the things that helps me experience miracles is my morning and evening routines:

I would encourage each of you to try this routine and let me know how it goes:

(Print the attached papers and keep in your big book)

Morning Routine:

1) Get on knees & say 3rd step, 7th step and Day prayers (see attached)
2) Read your gratitude list (see evening routine)
3) Read 'Just for today' and 'Acceptance' card (see attached)
4) Plan out your day
5) Read a few paragraphs from the Big Book, 12 &12 or white book
6) Read the 12 promises (see attached)

Evening Routine:

1) Read a few paragraphs from the Big Book, 12 &12 or white book
2) Start a gratitude list and add 1 thing you are grateful for each night
3) Write down a daily review
4) Get on knees and say Night prayer (see attached)

Each routine should only take 15 minutes out of your day and I guarantee you will see a difference to your life if you consistently do these routines.

There are many guys looking for a sponsor and there are not many to go around. I am asking for those of you that have been through the steps to please put yourself forward as a sponsor. I guarantee that you will find nothing more enjoyable and fulfilling than being of service to others who need help.

My life has completely changed as a result of sponsoring others. Remember that the Authors of the big book say " "NOTHING will so much INSURE IMMUNITY from lust as intensive work with other sexaholics" p.89

Make a miracle happen today and become someones sponsor.