dov, ill raise a dirty glass of bourbon to your trials and tribulations. thanks for reminding us that recovery does not mean that you feel not the labor pains of life.

Dov. I hope that everything you describes passes quickly and painlessly. But I have to say that there is something very comforting by your post. I guess seeing that sobriety does not mean taking on angelic properties where the struggles of us mere mortals don't apply (not to say that you've suggested this definition of sobriety but its one you come to start believing when around people with a strong program)
On the issue of not feeling connected. It is a feeling that I know and as one who craves his wife's attention I can appreciate how painful and depressing it could be. Personally, there is nothing like a pack of post-it notes plastered all over the room, or the master bathroom telling your wife how wonderful she is to stimulate a connection. Ksiva Vchasima Tova and thanks for all your efforts on our behalf.

I wish I felt connected on this Erev Rosh Hashana, I feel so disconnected from life and everything.  Can't believe I'm even horny on a day like this.  Am afraid of hashem and his gigantic scary punishment, I know that's not what Rosh Hashona is about but I am still afraid.

I am afraid of going to shul, actually I'm dreading it.  It sounds terrible but I feel so worthless and can't figure out why a guy like me is forced to sit in shul for 7 hours on Rosh Hashana.  I wish I had a reason to go, I am afraid I am becoming a apikoros because I don't care anymore, don't believe hashem is listening to me anyway (yeah, I know it's not true, but I feel that way and it scares me).

I've been sober for a few days and usually feel good by now, but I'm doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results, wish I had a plan to stay sober.  Posting this painful yet honest post is part of my new plan, hope it helps.

Wishing you all a kesiva vachasima tova, a year full of געזונט, נחת & פרנסה and above all true sobriety.

Moshe, Moshe,  I don't know what to say other than hang in there.  We are all striving for the same thing and we are in it together to help make it happen for all of us.  Hatzlacha for continued sobriety and a K'siva V'chasima Tova.

hang in there!

Dov, we love you.

Be strong.

Since the cheit of Adam Harishon and Chava, every human has down time, pain, and even some tragedy in their lives... The Recovery that you have taught us is a slow, patient, G-d-involved, comprehensive remodeling of our way of reacting to life. It's about staying sober one day at a time and learning how to accept life on life (or G-d's) terms rather than strictly on ours. That enables us to remain sober one day at a time. 

A Ksiva Vachasimah Tova to all the Bnei Machshava Tova!!

MosheF wrote on 08 Sep 2010 12:32:


Wow Moshe, its as if you wrote this for me. Its so difficult for us to maintain a healthy mentally going into a day like Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur. Were always tought throughou our Yeshiva days that these are "days of awe". And we are going to be judged based on what weve done this year. Its tough I know it is, but I am finding comfort in knowing that I still have what to improve upon (and trust me its alot!) because I KNOW I am not perfect and there aint never going to be a time in my life where I am. So why should I worry about whether God thinks I am perfect. If I know that I cannot be perfect, Kal vechomer ben bno shel kal vechomer, HKB"H knows I aint perfect. I just gotta keep moving along and keep progressing every day and live each day as it is itd own day. I find myself living each day as if its tomorrow or even yesterday and not as today. Sounds weird but its true.

ANyway, Ksiva vechasima tova!.

Thanks guys, I felt better as soon as i posted that stupid post, stupid but worked.

Good year to you all.

Better to look stupid that to be stupid.




Thanks for the love and chizzuk. A chasima tova will be had by all, cuz He is Tov!

:-*