I feel your pain David. A rough stretch can be very difficult to pull yourself out of. So here's my hand to help pull you out. Oh, and God's hand is always there. We cannot do this ourselves. Self will is what got us here and it certainly is what keeps us stuck in this never ending (but not Never Believing  ) cylce of lust and acting out with our drug of choice. Anything I can do to help send me a PM and I'll do the best I can with God's help.

Still davening for ya!

I've been having alot of anxiety lately. Its nothing new to me, I have anxiety issues. Does anyone here know the best way to tackle this issue? I am not talking about normal anxiety...

yiddle, im sorry to hear about your anxiety. i wish i knew what to tell you but i suffer too. my anxiety manifests itself in that i cannot sleep. i take tons and tons of diphenhydramine and melatonin but nothing seems to work for me. i feel like the walking dead. most of my anxiety, i think, actually comes from my addiction and in turn, i use my addiction to address my anxiety. it is so f-ed up, man.

i was on such a roll; had 9 days in a row; and was feeling good; when i hit the f-ing wall yesterday. there is no more pain to be had. it all started when my wife decided not to sleep with me friday through sunday despite promises and flirty texts. monday morning i woke up and went head f-ing first into the f-ing wall, man. and then i come on here and see dov spoke about just exactly that on sundays call. man, i wish we can record those calls so that those of us that missed the call the first go round can hear it on tape.

nu, nu, back to your anxiety: these things have helped others: tea, music; a hobby; sports; medication.

i used to smoke but i would highly recommend you dont try that.

Yiddle, I don't know if I suffer from severe anxiety, but I can certainly relate to the anxiety that TNB talks about (when you think you're going to have sex and your wife just changes plans), the third step as explained by Dov, made me see that giving over your will to G-d is the best antidote for anxiety.  Typically my anxiety comes from when either my "plans" or what I think should happen don't work out.  The third step tells us to give our will over to Hashem, meaning let G-d make the plans (He's making them anyway).  The more we believe that Hashem is in the driver's seat the less you have reason to be anxious.  Of course, there are times when it is hard to implement it but three things that can help ease it are: 1) tefilah just talking to G-d and asking him to help you get through the situation that is causing the anxiety; 2) gratitude - focusing on all the brocha you do have.  If nothing else it should reinforce that a) whatever you have anxiety about is not that big in the scheme of things; and b) if Hashem has given you so much He obviously cares about you so He will see you through this situation as well; 3) reaching out - just telling over your anxiety-causing situation to someone else can help relieve the stress and tension.  Good Luck

Thanks TNB and UAJ,

It helps to know that people out here suffer like I do. I have more of an intense anxiety at times. Its not like your typical "Oh man what am I going to do about Parnassah!". Its more like "WOW I am feeling like I'm going to vomit!" Its kinda hard to explain. I have meds but I want to tackle the issue at its core because its just painfull living like this. Obviously, my relationship with God is probably the forefront of the problem, but the anxiety gets in the way of that which in turn hurts my relationship with God. Its a catch 22, well almost.

Thank you guys alot for the support its makes me feel so much better.

Hey Yiddle2,

Just remember that whatever happens is ultimately for our best. Try to do what is needed and leave your worries up to hashem (easier said than done but I think that that is what Emunnah [and the third step] is all about).

Will think of you during davening today.

Avraham. 

yiddle i also vomit from anxiety. in fact, its been a few months that when i wake up in the middle of the night i vomit. (you can thank me for that image a little later).

hashem is in the driver's seat. reminds me of an ole joke. Two elderly women, Mildred and Hazel, were out driving in a large car, barely able to see over the dashboard.

As they're driving along to the grocery store, they approach an intersection. The light is red, but Mildred just drives on through, not hesitating for a second. Bewildered, Hazel thinks to herself "I must be losing it. I could've sworn we just drove through a red light."

A few minutes later, they come up to another red light. Again, Mildred drives right on through. Hazel is alarmed, but is still not sure if she's imagining things. At the next intersection, however, Mildred drives through another red light, prompting Hazel to turn to her friend. "Mildred, are you aware that we just ran through three red lights in a row?"

Mildred replies: "You know, I noticed that too!"

Hazel, flabbergasted, stammers, "You could have gotten us both killed!"

Mildred turns to her slowly, and says, "Me?! I thought you were driving!"

;D ;D ;D Thanks TNB and Installed.

I know that Hashem is giving me a little wake up call with this issue (just like any other) saying "I know you can do better so do it!" The problem is I dont know how to do better. I am still struggling with creating a better connection between God and myself. Maybe thats where the program comes in telling us to avail ourselves to others. Its not about me. Ive tried so much to help myself and my plan doesnt work, never has, and I have no reason to believe that it will work. But knowledge does us nothing at this point. I know that I need get the idea of self-will out of my keppe, but eich osim et zeh?? Like I said, thats why the program wants us to help others and take into account other people in the world. Its soooo interesting that the 3rd step prayer calls it a "bondage of self-will." Thats what it is. self-will just chains me down and takes control against what I know is better. (Does that even make sense???)

How I have implemented step 3 into my daily life:

-Been refering to God as "Dad in heaven" or "Tatte". (It puts me in a more personal relationship with God)
-Been saying step 3 prayer or some variation of it.
-Been davening for other people and putting my "needs" aside.
-Will write a gratitude list below of 5 things I am very gratefull for but dont always recognize it.

Here's my gratitude list for today:

Thank you Tatte (with a capital "T") for everything you give me. But its today that I specify these things because I often dont recognize their beauty.

-my eyesight
-use of my limbs
-my wonderfull family
-the mitvos that You give us
-the fact that my body works. The way organs work.

Sorry if this is redundant but I need to constantly remind myself these principles constantly in order to engrave them into my daily thought process.

I am powerless over lust and the effect it has on my mind, body, and soul. It has caused and will only continue to cause my life to become unmanageable.

If I am hopeless in helping myself, then only a power greater than me could help me and restore me to sanity. I am surely insane because I revert back to the very thing that kills me. God can help me and pull me out from the utter craziness that lust has wrought into my life.

In order for God to help me, I cannot just turn the battle against lust over to God, I need to turn my life and will over to God. It is my bondage to self will that will chain me down and keep me reverting back to lust. It can be very difficult to actually do this. A good start is by giving my will to others when they need me.

Step 4 is really not a cheshbon hanefesh. Yes I need to get rid of my bad characteristics but its because these bad characterisitcs are what keep God out of my life. They impose self-will into everything. Step 3 was saying that I need more of God and less of me. Step 4 is saying "ok I need less of me and here's how to do it: fears resentments, anger, etc. all have to go."

So lets make this moral inventory and get the ball rolling again. With God's help of course 

Is anyone awake on this side of the forum????

Have a good Shabbos everyone in Dov's group.

Yeh I'm here,

Kinda lost in the 4th step.

Looking forward for tomorrows call.

Shavuah tov.

So? Any less lost yet?

The work is always awkward, thank-goodness for that, otherwise where would our humility be from? I always feel like I am basically butchering the entire thing, but as I write and things come out of what I write that really reveal what's going on inside, it helps.

Later, I look back and realize that at some of those moments that I was sure I was butchering the whole thing, the step was being worked!

B"H it works this way, so I do not ever get so dang sure of muself and become 'an expert' on the steps...even on my own steps!