Someone not in SA was shocked that we attend mixed meetings
What would you respond?

I don't go to meetings but I would say that having mixed meetings is part of seeing a woman as a person as opposed to an object. Hearing a person speak about their struggles makes it undeniable that they are a person.I'm sure there's more to it but again, I don't go to meetings.

I think Dov has addressed this somewhere. Just can't remember where. He has also addressed the difference between GYE and a true, open, and honest SA meeting

Can you please explain how attending a mixed SA group, full of addicts of both genders, is recommended for a person whose challenges include having affairs with “many many” women and who is attracted to women at the meetings? Are there no men-only groups?

Since there are not many replies and since the above q was the catalyst of this thread let me share something.
There was a question brought up at a recent conference: Is it recommended to attend mixed sa meetings? Ther was group discussions and there were some very heated arguments. Many attested that their recovery ONLY came through those mixed meetings
There are several reasons why this can be.
1] that was the meeting convenience/able to go to
2] that was a strong meeting with good recovery
3] learnt how to DE objectify women
4] helped him internalize that lust is an issue for them too [was a guy that had alot of affairs
5] learnt how to deal with women in a controlled setting [boundaries etc]
and more.
The bottom line was ask your sponsor and do whats good for you, but there are 2 sides to everyting...

Dear parev,

Thanks for your last post. I can hear/understand why/how mixed meetings help but you finished by saying that one should ask his sponsor and do what's good for him.

So, I'm wondering if someone is hooking up with girls that he met at conferences – the very same conference that also helps him ‘DE objectify women’ – is that good for him? Did his sponsor approve this?

Asking as an outsider,

It sounds like you have a direct question on someone, and a specific episode, not a general understanding question
I suggest you ask that person in question directly, not me.
[Best to ask them in private too, unless there is a reason to ask him in public, also maybe explain the purpose of the question; curiosity, constructive criticism,  etc.]

parev wrote on 16 May 2024 13:02:

I appreciate the clarification. there’s a lot of food for thought here. Thanks!

jackthejew wrote on 15 May 2024 03:56:

Dov’s point in that post is terrific, as all his points are.

However, it’s also somewhat dated in the context of the current trend in GYE in which folks who get comfortable go on to call, and then often meet other members in person. Many even share their true identities. I’d call that “true, open, and honest”. (It doesn’t have the other benefits of an SA meeting, of course. But it’s no longer about secrecy versus anonymity, as it was when Dov wrote that post). 

also stam saying that 'mixed meetings' often just mean that there happen to be both genders in the room, often they will sit apart from each other and interaction is no necessary at all. one can sit on the same side of the opposite gender and not even look at them.
also as a rule one is going to a meeting for recovery so there is a positive mindset - like ein hirhur chet bmikdosh, furthermore there is accountability with all those around, and also its a bit of a red line, one woman who is very promiscuous [Spoiler: I have never met her in a meeting....(sorry folks!)] said she NEVER EVER EVER will act out with a program member [and the one guy that tried to hit on her got burned VERY badly]
it's like a thing, if you wanna act out - by all means, but not here!
meetings are aware of the challenge and try to address it accordingly, each one to what it sees fit

Heeling wrote on 16 May 2024 13:56:

i don't know who you are referring to above, but if you are asking could it be that a sponsor would still recommend going to a conference when in the past he acted out there, obviously it depends, but the bottom line would be what's the best for recovery, and if the guy is going to clubs, and sa is just anther club then the conference wont get the catalyst of his acting out, rather just another opportunity, then it could be that the benefits outweigh the risks. There could be other reasons why his sponsor would feel it ok for him to go. Also they may have a trial and error system in place etc...
Remember SA is not a jewish program so the factor of Avira lishmo won't apply nor kares or skila over misa bidie shomayim etc...
[not to say of course, that if the sponsor and sponsee are frum and trying to live a spiritual life, bringing G-d into the picture and their religious denomination is a prerequisite to recovery. I was just mentioning from the general SA perspective]

chaimoigen wrote on 17 May 2024 06:15:

Unfortunately it’s not dated at all, for hundreds of guys here today in 5784. 

If you’re bored, go to the user’s page on the forum home, look how many new guys posted in the last 12 months, and tell me how many of them took it to the next level as you have…