Hi,
Im a hardcore sexaddict. For as long as i remember myself. Im technically still married but in divorceproceedings. Bh i have 3 beautiful boys who i love dearly. My journey into recovery started in 2015 when my wife got serious about divorce. I always knew i had a problem but could never face it. I put myself into a rehab in Israel(Retorno)but knew the marriage is over. After being there for 3 Month i came back home for about a year and then moved out because she decided to go along with the divorce. I have come to the following conclusions: my sickness is a daily struggle. All day long. Yes it gets easier with time but i have to be behind it all the time. Im bh free of masterbation and porn since Feb 2017 which is the longest time ever in my life. Im going to meetings and work the Steps(i admit that Step 4 is something i have issues with but with gds help ill get through it too). The turning point after Rehab, the most important thing in order to stay sober in real life, is my Filter on my smartphone. If i dont use one im lost. Maybe not on the same day. But the moment of truth will come. And that happend today. I had payment issues with the Filtercompany and so for just few hours i didnt have a working filter on my phone. Trust me i was about to view forbidden pictures and masterbate but with Hashems grace i could stop before anything happend. What helped me were these thoughts: do i really want to begin again? Im in good place now. Its soo not worth it. It gives me pleasure for 10 seconds and depressions for days. ITS NOT WORTH IT. And so i got up and went to shil and even had a minyen prepared for me from heaven. GYE is very essential to my life. The chizzuk emails and Whatsappmessages remind me daily what i need to do, what my life is all about. Yes im not active on the boards(this is my first message)but still it makes life much easier. Thank you GYE!!!!!

Welcome. It should be with hatzlocha.

Its amazing to hear that you are happy and still making strides along the way. You are a real and true fighter... part of Hashems holy army. All the hishtaglus seems to be paying off, and its amazing how long you said you've been clean (given the circumstances.) Hopefully you've stayed  clean until now, and you will remain clean. But remember what you said to yourself "It gives me pleasure for 10 seconds and depressions for days." And in no way am i preempting anything!! But even on days that it gets hard, don't let yourself get into a funk. Always keep and stay positive, and always put yourself in a position to do the right thing... TO HAVE TRUE HAPPINESS  Ivdu es Hashem Bisimcha

May we all have Hatzlacha, and may you continue to serve Hashem "Besimcha". Have an amazing Chanuka!!