Thanks for the encouraging words Guard. It really helps.

It's almost shabbos now. I'm in middle of the sixth week already. The YH has been attacking very very hard this week, but I am doing my best to resist. I think having a goal makes this easier. I really hope I don't have such strong urges after 90 days are up, but if I do I will need to set new goals or I'll fall really quickly. Have a great shabbos everyone!

Well shabbos is over now, and chanukah is almost over. The past week has just been so tough. Everywhere I turn, he is tugging at me. Pushing thoughts into my head harder than ever. I let them slip through a couple times, but overall I feel I'm doing very well. I need some more chizuk. I have to find a way to get on the call tomorrow, but I don't have a landline and a cell phone costs a fortune to call from

P.S. @GUE

I noticed that it says on the wall of honor that I'm at 35 days, with the first clean day being November 20th. For Be Holy it says 34 days, but first clean day says November 12th. What's the deal with that? Did you make a typo when you put him on the chart? I'm a bit confused. Also, can you add to the chart a column titled "90 days"? In that column you would put the date on which that member would reach 90 days. That way, everyone can see a goal in sight. Maybe you could even put the dates for 30, 60, 90 days, so a milestone is closer and has a set date which is easy to see. Thanks!!

Ano, Sorry I didn't answer sooner, I had problems with my internet today. I am thinking of you. We are all very proud of your progress and messiras nefesh.

I had you in mind today in the Chizuk e-mail, thinking about how you are one of those fighting in the front lines. Also, since you wrote that you need Chizuk, I added a few ideas in the Chizuk e-mail of how to get Chizuk when feeling weak. I hope it helps you 

I like the idea of adding a column for when you hit 90 days but then i have to sit down and make the calculations, which as you can see (in your question from "Be Holy") I am not very good at. Instead, I hope to update the entire website soon to a much more professional system, and I hope that the "Wall of Honor" will be programmed to automatically figure out each time someone hits a new level. not only that, I hope to allow people to enter their names and update their names on the chart by themselves!

you said you hope you dont have such urges after 90 days? you will have urges even into your old age! i heard a story of rabbi avigdor miller, zt'l. he was in the hospital and wanted a male nurse.the doctors said to him 'but you're an old man already!' he replied 'yes, but i dont want to become young again!' and this is from a godol b'torah. i dont know who you are, after all, you're anonymous, but maybe rabbi miller was greater than you, just maybe.and HE was worried about hirhurim! jack

@Jack I guess I meant that I hope the urge gets much weaker (I'd love to have the urge R Miller had). I know it will never completely go away.

Now for my update: Today was horrible. I slept all day, missed tefillin, AND had a wet dream. Oh well, let's make tomorrow better :D

You say "today was horrible", but it wasn't. It was AMAZING. I find it amazing that someone can feel so low, sleep in late, have a wet dream, and still be strong enough to say "NO" to the poison of the YH and not let themselves slip. THAT is AMAZING. You are learning the tricks of the trade. You are mature enough to realize that feeling down should never get you to drop your guard in this battle. Shmiras Habris is the Yesod, the foundation. Even if the building seems weak now (which is understandable for Chanukah vacation time), if your foundation is still strong - which it is, then you can build a SOLID building on it - starting TOMORROW (or whenever you are ready). But keep the foundation STRONG.

Congrats on your 40th day! The Mishna Brurah writes it takes 40 days to get used to a difficult behavior. (I think he writes it about getting up early in the cold winter. How appropriate :-)  This is a big milestone for you!

The "Kah Echsof" niggun today was in your honor too!

Today is 6 weeks!! I can't believe how fast time is going by. The more I hold back, the easier it is to restrain myself in other aspects of this, such as where I look on the street.

Ano, you are a real inspiration. You're almost half way to 90. I can't wait to get you on the Wall of honor. You will show the world that it can be done by a Bachur! (We only have one other Bachur on there now). What a kiddush Hashem and Zechus you will have!

I'm feeling a bit down right now. I've been letting the thoughts take over lately, because fighting them is so hard. Last night I had what might be considered a fall, but due to the way it happened (which I won't relate here) I am not going to restart my count. I will make higher fences now, and avoid certain things which triggered this. Also, if it happens again I will be starting my streak over. Like Me said, the YHs best tactic is small gains, small slips, bigger slips, and eventually despair, which is when you give up and go back into the old routine. I don't like erecting higher fences, but they are necessary if I really want to beat this. Have a great Shabbos everyone!

You are BLASTING the Yetzer Hara with your ammo, Ano! We need more courageous soldiers like you now, more than ever. A courageous soldier learns the enemies tactics and never gives up. That's the way!

Ano:

  PLease read this:

      The reason you are NOW "getting down", is because the Y"H is going for the final KO. He does his small gains tactics, and then........he pumps in the anxiety, and sadness, (just like a snake puts his venom into the vein), he does this for his final
WHAM!! *@**.

  But, what he doesn't know is that I am writing you right now about what he is doing and revealing to you his tactic, (he should die soon)...

The only reason you are feeling weak and down, is because of the same thing that he does with the znus, and porn. Blowing things up in our minds that are all false lies. HOt AIR. 
  He is doing the same thing now. Blowing HOT AIR into making you begin to believe that it is time to thrown in the towel.

You are now at the  point where you can make an unbelievable gain  far far into his territory. This is why he his busy with you.

PLEASE ANO.  NOW is the time to pull out all of the forces. Don't do this alone. Call your sponsor if you have one. Write GUE every day, (a few times). Whatever. Listen to the music section and find a niggun that makes you feel better, (choose between the happy one's or the inspirational one's), experiment, but PLEASE  do NOT put it off for a moment.

You are now at the threshold of blasting into a new realm. Deep into the menuvals territory, (he should rot soon).  You need people to hold your hand at this time. WE are ALL holding your hand, and telling you that you must  do whatever you need to do, but do NOT believe him when he is telling you that you belong to him....that the battle is coming to an end. These are his lies.

The truth is that the battle, i.e.  HIS battle (with you) is coming to an end and he is VERY worried.

Good Shabbos!!!!!!!

Have no fear 'me'. I know his tactic already. I just ignored the feelings of despair and the desire to 'just give up' and those feelings passed within a few hours. I've decided to put any touching in the category of 'out of bounds' except for going to the bathroom and showering. Now theoretically I should have done this immediately, but I know (because I've seen it in the past) that when you bite off too much you choke on the apple. I think I'm ready now, so I'm going for it.

PLease don't forget that even when going to the bathroom and showering, touching in that area is completely forbidden,(and with good reason).

I don't know of any other way to make sure my urine ends up in the toilet. I try not to touch directly with my hand, but to use a cloth (like my undershirt). When showering, I don't know of any other way to clean myself off. I spoke to my Rebbi about this, and he said just don't spend any extra time on that area (meaning more than you would spend on any oither part of your body).