I can't believe it's been almost five weeks. I never would have believed it five weeks ago. I'm doing as much as I possiby can to keep busy and fulfilled. The real test will be resisting when I am bored and depressed. But I know you'll all be here then. A Freilichen Chanukah!! :D

There's a great joy in Heaven from this ano boy.

ano- you are doing great.. please keep sharing what is going on it really helps us deal with our own struggles. today is day 33. "gal"- we are removing he tumah and klipah from the eyes- when you daven today say over and over again "gal eini v"avita niflaos mitorasecha" gal eini, gal eini, gal eini"- there is a guarantee this tefilla will not go empty. sing it the whole day!! hashem will give such s"d- you are shaking the heavens on chanuka!! last night i just sat by the lights and appreciated the y"t- it may hurt along the way but we are becoming real with ourselves and becoming less "numb"- a lichteg chanuka!!

Well I fell this morning... OK Not really! I had a wet dream. This is (I think) the 3rd time since I started my streak. However, this is the first time I saw anything sexual in the dream. The first two times I just woke up but I didn't see anything. So this one has got me down a bit. I keep telling myself it's not my fault, but in reality it is. But since it wasn't deliberate I'm going to consider my streak alive.

Ano, it's nothing to get down about. Aderaba, it shows you are over coming Teva itself with your Avodah, to the point where the body does what it naturally does, and yet YOU - as long as you are conscious - refuse to let the body's natural urges rule you! Incredible!

Read through this thread on the forum, beginning to end :-)

ano: please do not let the dream get you down. that is the satan himself trying to get you depressed so you stumble. The dream is not your stumble. you are struggling hard and your body knows it, but what is the most important thing is that you actually hold yourself back, and THAT YOU DO. keep up the great work and giving me personally huge chizuk in these difficult times.
Thanks a million and hatzlacha rabba

chasdei avos

i think there is a gemarah that a dream about someone elses wife, and the person is not chotea means the person is a tzaddikto get you down. dance at how much you have acheived so far.. keep going- the y"h wants

I had a test last night for the first time in a while. I went further than I would have liked, but it was really not all that far compared to my past. Anyway, the thought of all of you and my pledge to chabad.org helped me resist and go to sleep. He never gives up...

CHAZAK VEEMATZ!!!!

Ano, you're a precious Jewel!

Did you reply to Postal as an accountability partner?

Yea I told him last night I would do it, but I haven't heard back from him yet.

In the last couple of days I've let the YH in more than I would like. I watched a couple R rated movies, but I still resisted. Also, I woke up very late almost every day this week, which leaves me without learning or davening, which is depressing and obviously doesn't help me in this battle. But I'm not going to let myself fall because of it. Now I have to go put on tefillin before the sun goes down.... I haven't missed since I started really trying to beat this. A Freilichin Chanukah!!

Dear Ano.

   Please allow me to let you in on a little secret. (The secret of the big Y"H).

what you just wrote about, (and believe me, I have tons of experience and years in this matter)....

you are describing the new tactic of the Y"H. It is called "subtle sublime small gains tactic".

Please believe me!  As soon as you begin to listen to him, even though "you know" that you will not give up and act out".....he knows differently, and he knows what he is doing. (you are the one that "knows you won't give up even though you will listen to him a watch an R rated move, BUT, he doesn't know what you are knowing,....and he knows what he is doing. I am trying to give you a warning that if you continue looking at R rated movies, or do anyting else that he hints for you to do....you will suddenly find that you can no longer hold yourself back, and the wall of honor will have absolutely NO value in your eyes.
   Please do whatever it is you need to do now, i.e. write letters to members, get chizuk, already begin to sound the siren.  He is very tricky and don't EVER think that you are in control.
   I have learned this the hard way, and I still see that I haven't completely learned the lesson. All of his miniscul millimeter gains DO add up in the end.

You're right. No more movies for me. Maybe I'll ask my roommate to delete them from his iPod. Once I go home for pesach, I'm going to have to work out some kind of filtering or accounting system, or all my work now will be for naught. However, I am very grateful that I have the opportunity to try to break this here and now (where I don't have my own computer), unlike some of you who have had to break it with an empty house and an unfiltered internet connection.

"But I'm not going to let myself fall because of it". - This is the biggest test, and you have the wisdom to pass it!

Ano, it's Chanukah and it feels like vacation time and things are harder in Yeshiva. It's natural that these type of behaviors will beckon, but you now know better. Like we brought in today's Chizuk e-mail from the SA literature, we can not let lust in at all. Lust is a poison, that once we start with it, it takes us over. People who struggle with this must be 10X more careful than others about watching movies. I know some guys who made a neder for a year not to watch any movie that has attractive women in it. And they have someone (like their wife) check it before they watch anything. Don't wait to learn the hard way. Use our experience, like "me" said above - and you will gain years on this bitter struggle.

You are doing great. Not giving up even when feeling down and dark - that's what Chanukah is all about. The little lights looks like nothing, what can they do? But they light up all the worlds...

I updated your chart to 35 days! Lamed Hei. Mi "LA-Hashem" Alai!