any- you rock. i feel exactly what you feel. i keep thinking to give up lust and dig down deeper- i am just to scared to give it up... aren't you scared?

be holy wrote on 12 Apr 2009 18:13:


No. I'm scared of not giving it up and the effects that will have.

I used to be scared of giving up the lust. This was when I was using the lust as the means to fill an empty void deap inside of me. Then when I did much soul searching, I took many "risks" (which were just in reality "trusting in Hashem" no matter what), and changing my life by finding kedusha to fill this void. I filled this void, "no matter what", and now....

  When I take that Shabbos walk,and all of the inflated chometz is walking down the street, there IS a voice that says to "have a glance",...BUT, there is a much much louder voice now that clearly reminds me of the bitterness that I will taste if I do have this look. I remember so so very welll this bitter bitter MAR taste, (for me maybe just as MAR as the morrer is meant to remind us of the bitterness in mitzrayim). That bitter struggle of "wanting lust, and trying not have it".  This bitter struggle is so entirely bitter because it is a paradox. How can I try to "not have something", that I am in fact "wanting"?
    Be Holy, YES, I know that you can now, this Pesach do what most people don't do, that is to take your emunah and move it from a level of chochmah (in your head), and now use Pesach to "push it down down down into your heart". Emunah in hashem is merely fuel, but when this fuel is stuck in our heads, and we don't put into our heats, (the engine), then this fuel is never put to use.
  Use the Kedusha of this Chag, the zman cheruseinu, and take all of your "risks" now, i.e. push the fuel of emunah down into the engine. We need to trust in hashem with our hearts, it is not enough with our "inflated" heads. Your heart felt pleasTOGETHER with the  actions 'risks"  that are in harmony with these pleas, simply can not go empty handed.

be holy wrote on 12 Apr 2009 18:13:


I am definetely scared, but it scares me much more to continue not to give it up
Have you heard the saying that when one doing  the aveira he feels like saying ahhh, but when the thing is over it feels like oy!
Conversely, while resisting the temptation it definetely feels like oy!, but after having overcomed it, for sure it feels like ahhh....
I think that this testifies to the futility of the deed

great stuff guys!! but how do we leave it behind? simple don't look, is that it?
 
there has to be more to push us forward- also the y"h says we have been clean for 5 months, what else is there to do?
 
the gayva makes me scared, because as long as i don't need to move ahead but deal with what i am used to i don't need to take risks. deep down the fear is from risks and letting go and accepting a new way-a better way, off the beaten track- this is scary. i guess the question is how to combat the y"h who won't let go, and our gayva that tells us not to take risks and that we are good the way we are?-
THANK YOU FOR HELPING ME GET SOME OF THIS CLEAR!- chazak v'yamatz

The fact you can't let go of lust means you are admitting powerlessness. So now you are ready for the next step - the step Hashem has been waiting for all this time - and that is: complete dependency on him to take it away from you... Giving over your very will to him. You may have been clean 5 months, but the sheretz is still in your hand. Let Hashem take it away from you by completely depending on him. And this is very humbling indeed.

Please take a half hour and read again carefully Chizuk e-mails 445-449 on this page. These are the yesodos that will change your life.

,

The way to "combat" the y"h at this point is to simply have nothing to do with him. Don't talk to him, don't  listen to him, don't think about him,(even though he is thinking about you), don't engage him in dialogue, and don't look or consider anything that he has to offer.






  This is your chance now of putting everything on Hashem, to completely commit to him 100% as Guard has said. And, how can you do this in a  kitzer derech?  You leave the Y"H 100%, a complete divorce-no more looking back over your shoulder, and......then you listen to Hashem 100% and do everything that he says, (this is what you refer to as  "risks", and "letting go", this is what we call at this time....cheiruseinu. The true freedom.
  And I can promise you that you will not regret this at all.

Ano, this recent thread has been really inspirational to me.  I haven't been thinking of this battle in terms of getting rid of lust entirely until now.  This will, hopefully, be another step in giving this whole thing to HKBH.

The last day or two has been difficult for me. Some memories of videos I have seen came into my head so strongly that it caught me by surprise. But I just refused to fight them. I told them they could stay, but that I would not act on them under any circumstances. So after a while, they went away. The moral of the story is to never let down your guard. I didn't, and I don't have to suffer any feelings of despair now, because I won :D

I'm almost at 22 weeks. The half a year mark is approaching!

that is amazing- that is what made me fall. the old thoughts. everytime you say no you are fighting the huge angels of aisav it is truly amazing to see you fighting the angels of the world!!

amazing!

I have posted the following idea on "be holy"'s forum and I think it deserves being repeated here:

Rav Nachman says getting hirhurei zenus is a great zechus.  The reason is that it gives a person the opportunity for teshuva and proper tikun for the past aveiros.  After a person rectifies his aveiros of pgam habris by refraining in action, Hashem  sends him these hirhurim to give him a chance for real teshuvah.  He says that so many people get down and depressed when they get these thoughts and feel bad about themselves.  But these thoughts are there in order for a person to chase them away and be zoche for teshuva.  So just realize that your current challenges are intended for you to attain teshuvah shleima.  Knowing this can prevent unnecessary hindrances and should invigorate you for eternal growth.

I am beginning to understand more and more how every little detail of my life is another nisayon and therefore another opportunity for growth.  And like ano stated a person always needs to keep his guard up.  I have long ago given up lusting, which was easy. But we must still walk with carefulness.  And if even the most minute nisayon enter we work to rid ourselves of it.  There can be a potential pitfall wherever we go.

May we all continue to be matzliach and continue to grow in kedusha and come to teshuva shleima.

This is a big Yesod. I added it at the bottom of this page last night.

(But I am confused, is it from "Yakov" or from "me"?)

The Taharas Hakodesh says that some people have these thoughts for a few years, and others have them for many many years. All in accordance with the tshuva that each neshoma needs. But, as he stated, receiving these thought and images, (and pushing them away) is the biggest tshuva. Much much more than any type of sigufim.

guardureyes wrote on 19 Apr 2009 14:26:

Technically, the post was from me, "yaakov", as I posted here.  But, like you see, "me" could have also said it. I originally mentioned it in an email to "be holy" and then added it to his forum.