Well today is day 70. I really don't believe that I have gone this far. I had never even gone 1 week clean, and now I will have completed my 10th!! Yesterday only got harder after I posted. The thoughts all invaded my head at once, and I couldn't completely resist them. Even though my head was full of poison, I refused to act on it. I kept fighting it until I fell asleep. I hope that after the 90 days have passed these kinds of attacks will become less frequent and less powerful. One thing I noticed is that the images, while still there (they will never go away), are much less vivid than they used to be, and I think that helped me fight it off. The truth is (and I know this sounds weird) I could probably masturbate without touching myself at all, just using what I have stored in my mind. This realization also helped me in fighting the thoughts, because if I do this consciously, I would consider it a fall and restart my count, which I obviously don't want to do. This post is getting too long, but day 70 deserves it I guess.... :D

I'm so completely in awe........................ Anything I try to write seems so inadequite, so I'm just giving up.

Ano - we are all so proud of / and inspired by you. Not many have made it so far on this forum (remember, it's not such an "old" forum - only a few months old). I am looking forward to making a big Le'chaim in my Shul with cake and Shcnaps on day 90 - for you and Beholy!

Since I am feeling very antsy and close to acting out I thought I would add my gratitude  and thanks for  giving us all inspiration to keep on pushing ahead.I feel better already.Thank you!!!!!!!!GREAT WORK!!!!!!

Guard, I wish I knew where your shul was so I could come join the L'Chaim. Check your email if you haven't yet. I sent you an email. :D

I'm about to enter my 10th clean Shabbos. It feels great. I don't think I've missed tefilin since I started. Good Shabbos everyone!

EDIT: According to one of my previous posts, it appears I did miss tefilin one day during the battle.

Congrats on the MAJOR accomplishment anon ... may you only continue to grow m'chaiyel el chaiyel and be zoche to many great things in the future.

Have a great Shabbos!

Ano, you are a great example of why this is called "Yesod" (Foundation) by the Zohar. If we guard the Yesod, our entire yiddishkeit gets stronger.

Keep inspiring us!

Today is 11 weeks. Here and there I'll have a small urge and I may even touch myself without thinking, but I can stop immediately with minimal effort. I don't HAVE to stare at attractive women in the streets like I used to. It's becoming a much weaker urge now, and that's what I've been hoping for. The YHs biggest arguments is that this is indispensible. Everyone in the world tells us that it gets easier as time goes on, but we refuse to believe it because we can't understand that concept without trying it first. It really is a 'leap of faith', because it's not something you will know firsthand until you give it a shot. Come on everyone! Give it a shot! :D

So true!! The real trick is that we need to recognize that lust is a poison and we need to really want to rid our hearts of "LUST" altogether. If we succeed in living without lust, we finally feel true freedom in our lives and can serve Hashem with all our heart and soul.

I'm feeling reall weak right now. I looked at some things which I shouldn't have (not porn, and I only saw a couple unclean pictures), and I need some chizuk. I'm looking at the good side: I haven't felt this way in such a long time! Also, I haven't had a wet dream in a very long time, even though the thoughts are in my head when I go to sleep. Last Thursday, I actually had a 'wet dream' except that I woke up before it was over, so I guess it was just a dream without the wet part. My subconscious is starting to get in on the battle :D

I would advise at this stage you should not consider dreams as part of the battle at all

I shouldn't be posting now, it's before 9:30. But I happened to see this post, and we all love Ano so much, I couldn't resist...

Dear Ano, The battle with lust is not an easy one. When feeling weak, turn to Hashem and talk to him from the depths of your heart. Tell him you have no one to turn to, no one in the world but him. Say Shir Lamalos eso einai.... with all your feeling. Davka because you started to slip and feel so broken hearted, that is when teffilah can accomplish the most.

Know that what you saw, even though you slipped a little, this was from Hashem. The yetzer Hara sees you getting close to 90 days and he is very worried. This test is a big one. The hardest tests are when we feel we already began to slip a little, so we say "What's the use?". But those are the REAL chances for super-growth. Like the story of yosef, where he already began to slip and yet overcame his desires and achieved the highest level of purity imaginable, bringing down to the world the Koach for all the yidden who went down to Mitzrayim to survive for 200+ years without slipping in sexual aveiros, as Chaza"l say. You are bringing down a huge Koach for your future children, Ano, Davka in these moments when you feel you started to slip, and still don't give in.

Other ideas, put on some leibidik music on your MP3 and go for a nice jog, get it out of your system, make yourself feel happy!! Oh, and read today's chizuk e-mail of-course :-)

I'm inching towards 12 weeks (this Wednesday)...
@MD Ashdod: I don't count them as a fall but there is no question that it is part of the battle. In other words, when I have one I don't let it bother me at all, but the fact that my mind could wake itself up to avoid "falling" in its sleep is a major boost to my confidence. That's all I was saying :D

"bederech sheodom rotzeh leilach molichin ohsoh"