Here in Israel, the storm is raging outside. Everybody is tightly wrapped in their coats,sweaters, scarves and gloves. Winter has arrived. Sitting inside my warmly heated apartment,  there is another storm brewing, it's a storm within...the old wise fool is at it again...here goes;          Hi guys, i'm back again. It's me, i was once a little leaf. For those that remember the thread i started approx a year ago, i was still at the beginning of a long journey. I named my thread after a song of a.freid 'tachzik chazak aleh katan' hold on strong my little leaf. He continues 'in the storms, hold on tight'. B"h in the past year i've grown into a big leaf, i've become so much better in so many ways. I would still very infrequently post on my thread. But after a year, the storm began again and i've got to weather this storm. You see, even big leaves have to hold on tight during a storm, so the best name for my new thread 'braving the storm'-part 2 of my journey, whilst the storm is really brewing outside!!   

I'll try to keep my posts a bit shorter on this thread, because i really like writing long long posts. So a quick recap of the past year. Chanuka 5770: it25 helped me get on the forum. Teves- went offline. Teves-Tammuz: working on the many issues i had. Tammuz-2nd day of r"h: ninety days, in that period i changed dramatically and the fight became easier. Chol Hamo'ed 5771- unfortunately had a fall. C"h-chanuka: many ups and downs, the fight is so much easier than last year. I don't feel so shackeled to the y"h anymore. Just fall out of plain stupidity, giving in to the y"h easily. The past week: online again, watching all that garbage and other bad stuff, again out of pure stupidity. Last night: gotta get back on gye again. Tonight: 'braving the storm- part 2' here we come. Now...: i'm gonna post. Nice to be back again with you guys!! 

So b"h today my day was really great. A bit tired from last night (have a look on my first post recently on likutei harry's son). You guys are now gonna hear lots of this stuff now, how i'm really enjoying learning so much more. Morning seder: great and a great chavrusa too. Shiur: amazing, wrote more than i did for a long time. Second seder: even better. Supper time: oh no, the old wise fool is at it again. Click click click onto gye and here i am. In the past week, i was 'really naughty' during this time. Night seder: gotta run!! C'MON GUYS, WE GOTTA ROCK THIS PLACE, GYE IS DEAD! 

Stay strong!  My partner and I have found that it really helps to call each other and read through the 12 steps when we are struggling.

Be well, Big Leaf!

-Tuvia

Thats a verycreative name aleh katan. Dont forget the point of the song was not to think you are smarter than those that already have gotten through. addicts love to think they have a better plan.

I always love hearing from you, brother...but don't let yourself slip, please! Remember how important staying sober is...

I've been thinking recently about the whole 90 day thing. I think it's useful in many ways, and for you, it definitely taught you that you're able to be happy and enjoy life without giving in. However, there's a danger - that you can sometimes feel like you've broken the addiction, and that even if you fall once in a while, it's no so bad anymore.

Every time we fall, we're giving in to a part of ourselves that will let ourselves fall lower and lower. And that leads to death. Even if we knew that this time would be the last, it's still killing ourselves right now.

See my thread for another thought related to this (yes, that's a shamelss plug for my own thread - just click below this post! ;D ;D)

Today we woke up to lots of sunshine, and boy did we appreciate it. My day was really full of sunshine too. The sedorim went well and so did shmiras einayim. By night i often have it hard, the sun's not shining anymore, but b"h i braved the darkness. Looking forward to another great day tomorrow. G'night, my good friends! Loi-m 

Fantastic - keep on trucking!

Look yourself in the mirror, and laugh - see? I'm so happy being clean!

Gotta work harder, i should be doing better. Shabbos is now coming around, that's usually the hardest day of the week, i hope i'll have a clean shabbos. Silentbattle told me that sometimes hashem's sends nisyoinos in the areas that he needs to work on, so that's my avoda to learn to appreciate  the beauty of shabbos more. Shabbos is the time when we come closer to hashem and every minute is precious.Fast well guys and have a great uplifting shabbos. Loi-m

Glad to hear, bro - focus on how much you can enjoy shabbos is other ways (which would actually be enjoying shabbos)!

Had a great shabbos, b"h. The weeks of shovavim are coming up. I know it's not stressed so much in the more litvish circles, but even so, my mashgiach in yeshiva would tell us to make a taanis dibbur for a small period of time every day. You know, why not, it doesn't hurt to be mechazek a bit in this long winter zeman. Yeah, i had some falls, but it's always possible to get up and make a firm commitment to try harder in the next few weeks. The first time i managed one hundred days before i came to this site, started on shovavim. So guys, whoever want's to join me in my 'shovavim program' is welcome. I think the first kabala would be not to be on the web for more than half an hour a day for the next week. Not too big is it? (as in being a yeshiva boy). All daven for 'loi-m ben tzadeikes'! To succeed in this for the next week. Hatzlacha, guys. Loi-m   

Sounds like a plan...

Can I ask why you decided to get internet access again?

Great question, SB. I'll leave that for you to figure out yourself

The only answer i can think of, i don't like very much...

B"h this week was much better. Still got to do better, but it doesn't happen in one shot.