Here we go Day 1!

Hi there - I'll post your welcome package in a minute, but why don't you tell us about yourself a little? Keep it as anonymous as you want, but I found for myself, that posting about my struggle helped tremendously.

Welcome to our community! Once you've arrived, there's no turning back. Everyone here will just grab a hold of you and pull you up, up, up!

Scientific studies have shown that it takes 90 days to change a neural thought pattern that was ingrained in the brain through addictive behaviors. Did you join the 90 day chart on-line? Sign up over here.

Make sure to install a strong filter. It will be almost impossible to break free of this while having all the garbage within a mouse click away. See this page for one good filter option, along with instructions on how to install it best – and give away the password to our "filter Gabai"… See this page for another 20 (or so) filter ideas and information…

We get cries for help every day, by e-mail and on the forum. Tzuras Rabim Chatzi Nechama    And that is why we created the GYE handbooks (links below). If you read them well, from beginning to end, slowly, and try to implement what you read, you will find the answers within them to enable you to completely turn your life around. You're worth it.

Also, join the daily Chizuk e-mail lists to get fresh chizuk every day, and post away on this forum. You will get tons of daily Chizuk and support. This disease can't be beat alone. It works best when you get out of isolation!

GuardYourEyes also offers various free anonymous phone conferences, where you can join a group of other frum Yidden, along with an experienced sponsor. See this page for four different options. Our conferences are taking place daily, throughout the week… This would be a tremendous step in the right direction for you and help you learn freedom from this addiction. Not only will you learn the secret of the 12-Steps – which is known to be the world's most powerful program for beating addiction having helped millions world wide, but joining the group will be another way of GETTING OUT OF ISOLATION and connecting with others who are going through what you are.

Let me tell you a little about the two GuardYourEyes handbooks. They lay down the cornerstone and foundation of our work, and they make our network much more effective and helpful for people.

You see, until now, people would often get "lost" when coming to our website, not knowing what tips and techniques to try. For example, a beginner wouldn't jump straight into therapy or 12-Step groups, while on the other hand, someone whose addiction was more advanced wouldn't be helped by the standard tips of "making fences" putting in "filters" etc… So it was essential to develop a handbook which details all the techniques and tools to dealing with this addiction in progressive order. Now with these handbooks, anyone can read through and see what steps they've tried already, and if those steps haven't worked, they can continue on through the handbook where the steps become progressively more powerful and "addiction-oriented".

And the second handbook, called the "Attitude" handbook, can also help anyone, no matter what level of addiction they may have. Often people write in to us saying that had they only known the proper outlook & attitude that we try and share on the GuardYourEyes network when they were younger, they would have never fallen into an addiction in the first place! So we hope that through this handbook, many addictions will be prevented.

The handbooks are PDF files, set up as eBooks, and they have bookmarks and hyper-links in the Index, to make them easy to navigate.

Note: You might want to print them out to read away from the computer. Keep in mind though, that if you do this, you won't be able to click on the many web links in the articles. But you can always come back to them later. The truth is, it's anyway good to go through the whole handbook once without clicking on links, just to get an overview of all the tools available. Once you did that, you can start again from tool #1 and read each tool through more carefully, click the links and study each technique and assess whether you have tried it fully yet or not…

Right click on the links below and select "Save Link/Target As" to download the handbooks to your computer.

1) The GuardYourEyes Handbook

This Handbook details 18 suggested tools and techniques, in progressive order, beginning with the most basic and fundamental approaches to dealing with this addiction, and continuing down through increasingly earnest and powerful methods. For the first time, we can gauge our level of addiction and find the appropriate tools for our particular situation. And no matter what level our addiction may have advanced to, we will be able to find the right tools to break free in this handbook!

2) The GuardYourEyes Attitude

The Attitude Handbook details 30 basic principles to help us maintain the proper attitude and perspective on this struggle. Here are some examples: Understanding what we are up against, what it is that Hashem wants from us, how we can use this struggle for tremendous growth, how we can deal with bad thoughts, discovering how to redirect the power of our souls, understanding that every little bit counts, learning how to bounce back up after a fall, and so on and so forth…

May Hashem be with you!

I'm a 22 year old male and have been struggling with this addiction for quite a number of years. There have been times where I have been able to go 60 days but when I fall I it is very difficult for me to get up. The first week for me is probably the hardest to do but after that things get easier although I do get terrible withdrawal symptoms. This is most likely the reason I keep on falling if I get past the first week. 

Day 2. God spared me tests today and I will continue to daven that he does the same for me every day from here on out. I find that davening helps alot for this. Is this because God is helping me or is it because I want to feel connected to God? I heard that the Kutzker Rebbe was asked where is God? He replied wherever you let him in. In my situation I believe this to be true more than anything. The more I let God in the more I find that he is there and therefore connect to Him more. 

bob, keep buiding

Hi Bob!

So glad to see you here.  I am myself new like you... been here about a week.  I am a lot like you... will sometimes go longer stretches and then fall.  B"H, GYE is here for both of us to help us make it through today.

b'hazlacha rabba!

Hey Tuvia! Thanks for the support! G-d willing we will be able to help each other out in this struggle. Did you find anything that helped you out in times where you felt weak?

Starting day 3! I can't but help but feel that counting days makes it harder for me. Any thoughts on if it would be better to stop counting days? A major theme of GYE is to make the days count and not count the days. Counting each day carries a burden with it. On the other hand counting days does help with the self esteem because (I can see how much I accomplished) although I don't believe self esteem alone will allow me to deal with this issue because of prior experience. Also counting days gives me an attitude that I'm in fact in charge of this issue when the fact is that God and GYE have been the ones pulling me through this and not myself. I'll think about this one for a little bit but I am very much considering dropping the 90 day count for the above reasons. This does not mean that I would stop trying  not to fall but I would just not count the number of days in a row in which there was success. Any thoughts anyone? 

yeah, used to count, now i don't let myself i just focus on enjoying my time in this world and not even 'thinking' about staying clean, i just stay clean and don't make big deal of it, in my head i say 'this is what i do' and then i move on in life. no sense in obsessing about it all day GO OUT AND LIVE UR LIFE :D

but right now when ur white knuckling through this it's ok and probably good to count days, for at least a week, just to get past the really really hard stuff and then work on focusing on other stuff.

Thanks I thought that my idea was a little far fetched but out of prior experience for me at least counting made things harder. Even in this first week I have had the attitude that I should live life and this is making things much easier. Also using the forum does help tremendously. But I think the attitude I have learnt from GYE is the biggest help. Not putting all the pressure on myself and letting God fight my battle has helped tremendously. Also the attitude of remaining positive and happy no matter what happens gives me strength after things have not gone as I planned them to be. e.g. a slip, fall
GYE has been a very humbling experience for me in a great way. The attitude that I used to have was that if things did not go my way then I would be upset/angry/depressed. I have tried very much to adapt to the attitude of just because things do not go the way I want them to does not mean I should have any harsh feelings at that time. I have been learning to deal with this in every situation in my life. I look forward to living even if things do not go the way I planned because I know that the world does not revolve around me. Thank you GYE and the forum. I look forward to continue to learn from you.

First of all, you need to see what works for you. Personally, I did use the 90 day count, but I didn't use it to count days. I used it as a way to keep track of my progress, and I usually updated it only every 2-3 days. If I would have been using it as a way to say, "and, and and...5 more seconds...YES! I made it to 12 days!" I don't think I would have stayed clean as long as i have.

Thank you for the advice. You said it exactly how it was for me. I as kind of obsessed with the idea of how long I remained clean that it led to my downfall. All I was doing was focusing on the negative (not to lust, etc..) What I'm doing now is going through the 12 steps and trying my hardest to put them into place. This mindset lifted a heavy burden from me mostly because like I mentioned before I realized the power to stop is not in my hands. I look forward to posting more and will do my best to make the days count and not just count the days because if I do that then inevitably, for me at least, it will lead to lusting.

yeah... i think cuz i have an addictive personality it become an obsession to me, i focused too much on chart, hated that it took 20 days to change level sometimes, used to check up on the chart to where i was and just STARE.

eventually around day 75 or something cant remember anymore, i just thought 'to heck w/ it all'

i mean, now i do know what day i'm up to (26) but i'm trying not too make big deal or hope for anything, just move on w/ my life.

Funny that you mention it. Last time I counted I got to 31 or 32 days. I was so obsessed with the chart because in order to get to level 5 I needed to stay clean for a period of 20 days. My whole logic was skewed. Every day was just to get to the next day just so I could say wow look at my accomplishments I made it to so and so day. I was driving myself crazy and the counting just for the sake of counting led me to my fall. I am counting now but do not plan to put in on the 90 day chart. I don't want the count to be my focus. So no big deal if I lose count. As long as I'm clean.