1daat, amush:
Yes, I agree, there's a lot here at GYE that can be helpful and supportive. Starting with the idea that anonymity + shared values = opportunity to say some very very honest things.

Which you've just done. Starting with some admissions/statements that you've hesitated to make even to therapists. Like, "I have a sex addiction." These are Big Statements. Wow.

That lightening of the shoulder (under the lifting of the burden) that you described is an experience many of the guys here have felt, whether on this site or elsewhere. But I think the "whew" of acknowledging in our hearts the truth is very very powerful. I daven that it take you very very far.

I hope I'm not too "off-base" or too "in-your-face-personal" in sharing this thought. If it's off, I ask your mechila. B'hatzlacha!  - Briut

Went on too long!? My goodness! That was one of the shortest 'my story' posts I have ever read! But very well done! Thanks so much for getting some of your details out there - I can relate to much of what you have experienced. I am an addict.Saying it really does matter for me, too, 1daat. I like to say it in meetings and find it is cathartic for me to do so at every SA meeting I participate in - I used to have to say it to a friend on the phone at least once every day. Of course, saying it is just the key for getting the door opened and out of the doorway. The door was shame. It's now at least partially out of your way for a while. It seems to me that this is your chance to step inside. We addicts are all the 'oni bapesach'...don't stay at the doorway. Do you still feel like you have something to lose? No? Then take the step inside and do whatever is necessary to save yourself.




This is the enemy. The hunger that has a life of it's own. The cause is irrelevant, and you have figured it all out 35+ times already by now - to what result? Here you are with us bozos, anyway!

There is an answer, and by now, it seems you know what you need to do. May you find the freedom you seek!

hey 1daat,

Keep strong buddy. I myself only found this site a few days ago and am so greatly relieved to have found it. I too, can relate to a lot of what you said and it took me many many years until I realized that I was an addict as well. But once I did, I knew that the hardest part had already passed and I was ready to take it to the next level. Take care brother!

You know, the 'guard'-ian of the site is off fundraising (he should see much hatzlocha), and isn't making his daily rounds. (Glad he's not guarding Buckhingham Palace.) But when he IS around, he's usually giving an intro to some of the stuff hiding around the site. You'll probably find it all on your own, but here's the basic info that might be enough to keep you reading for a while if reading is your thing. Best wishes!
_________________

One of our goals on GYE is to help people "hit bottom while still on top" so they will take recovery seriously. To explain better what I mean, please see this page. If you're here, you're already taking serious steps in recovery, so keep up the good work!

Scientific studies have shown that it takes 90 days to change a neural thought pattern that was ingrained in the brain through addictive behaviors. Did you join the 90 day chart on-line? Sign up over here...

Make sure to install a strong filter. It will be almost impossible to break free of this while having all the garbage within a mouse click away. See this page for one good filter option, along with instructions on how to install it best - and give away the password to our "filter Gabai"... See this page for another 20 (or so) filter ideas and information...

We get cries for help every day, by e-mail and on the forum. Tzuras Rabim Chatzi Nechama    And that is why we created the GYE handbooks (links below). If you read them well, from beginning to end, slowly, and try to implement what you read, you will find the answers within them to enable you to completely turn your life around. You're worth it.

Also, join the daily Chizuk e-mail lists to get fresh chizuk every day, and post away on this forum. You will get tons of daily Chizuk and support. This disease can't be beat alone. It works best when you get out of isolation!

GuardYourEyes also offers various free anonymous phone conferences, where you can join a group of other frum Yidden, along with an experienced sponsor. See this page for four different options. Our conferences are taking place daily, throughout the week... This would be a tremendous step in the right direction for you and help you learn freedom from this addiction. Not only will you learn the secret of the 12-Steps - which is known to be the world's most powerful program for beating addiction having helped millions world wide, but joining the group will be another way of GETTING OUT OF ISOLATION and connecting with others who are going through what you are.

Let me tell you a little about the two GuardYourEyes handbooks. They lay down the cornerstone and foundation of our work, and they make our network much more effective and helpful for people.

You see, until now, people would often get "lost" when coming to our website, not knowing what tips and techniques to try. For example, a beginner wouldn't jump straight into therapy or 12-Step groups, while on the other hand, someone whose addiction was more advanced wouldn't be helped by the standard tips of "making fences" putting in "filters" etc... So it was essential to develop a handbook which details all the techniques and tools to dealing with this addiction in progressive order. Now with these handbooks, anyone can read through and see what steps they've tried already, and if those steps haven't worked, they can continue on through the handbook where the steps become progressively more powerful and "addiction-oriented".

And the second handbook, called the "Attitude" handbook, can also help anyone, no matter what level of addiction they may have. Often people write in to us saying that had they only known the proper outlook & attitude that we try and share on the GuardYourEyes network when they were younger, they would have never fallen into an addiction in the first place! So we hope that through this handbook, many addictions will be prevented.

The handbooks are PDF files, set up as eBooks, and they have bookmarks and hyper-links in the Index, to make them easy to navigate.

Note: You might want to print them out to read away from the computer. Keep in mind though, that if you do this, you won't be able to click on the many web links in the articles. But you can always come back to them later. The truth is, it's anyway good to go through the whole handbook once without clicking on links, just to get an overview of all the tools available. Once you did that, you can start again from tool #1 and read each tool through more carefully, click the links and study each technique and assess whether you have tried it fully yet or not...

Right click on the links below and select "Save Link/Target As" to download the handbooks to your computer.

1) The GuardYourEyes Handbook
This Handbook details 18 suggested tools and techniques, in progressive order, beginning with the most basic and fundamental approaches to dealing with this addiction, and continuing down through increasingly earnest and powerful methods. For the first time, we can gauge our level of addiction and find the appropriate tools for our particular situation. And no matter what level our addiction may have advanced to, we will be able to find the right tools to break free in this handbook!

2) The GuardYourEyes Attitude
The Attitude Handbook details 30 basic principles to help us maintain the proper attitude and perspective on this struggle. Here are some examples: Understanding what we are up against, what it is that Hashem wants from us, how we can use this struggle for tremendous growth, how we can deal with bad thoughts, discovering how to redirect the power of our souls, understanding that every little bit counts, learning how to bounce back up after a fall, and so on and so forth...

May Hashem be with you!

Darn! What I thought were hyperlinks just came through as plain test.  My bad. Let me see what I can do about it tomorrow. I'll edit that post if I can. Whoops and my apologies..

Dear 1daat,

you are an inspiration to me, thank you for sharing, because I think it takes guts to come out like you did. I am also a sex addict. I am 31 and I have been falling for 20 years. For the first time I am clean for more than a week, thanks G-d, thanks GYE.
Just projecting my thoughts here, but I am sweating also, afraid and feelin alone in this fight. But finding this place, I see, that I am not alone and YOU ARE NOT ALONE, we are not alone.
"Each day is new", is how they teach here, I find this to be true. "Just once" is always to many times and a thousand times is never enough.
I keep the 12 steps, the personal 90 day chart and the list with "What to do in case of crisis" (that is also here on GYE). I read them over and over, so is my every day. The morning is hard, the day is hard, the evening is hard, but my life is becoming beautiful

Briut, I've got guard's packet with all the hyperlinks.  Thanks. 

Hey guys, I'm still trying to learn how to work with this site.  Do I keep posting here or start a thread on the forum, or both?  If I start a thread on the forum do I cat and paste the earlier longer story so guys know a little about my background?

Dov, thak you for telling me I didn't go on toolong.  I guess you figured out how insecure I am.  The hunger that has a life of its own.  This helps.  Also yes, I've figured it out 35+ times and it never helped.  Thank you my friend and bozo.

Another problem is coming up.  I'm starting to eat a lot.  It's the same yh.  I can tell.  I don't need to eat.  Has anyone else had this happen?

1daat wrote on 01 Jun 2010 11:33:


Glad you've got the links etc. Regarding staying here or moving onto a different section, here's been my own experience. Stay here for a few weeks or maybe 50-75 posts so everyone gets to meet (dating at the airport lounge like young people do, sorta?), then start a thread on the general Wall of Honor (for those counting to 90 days) or the Break Free area (supposedly for specific questions/suggestions but many keep their threads there, too). Guard can help cut and paste recent posts if you like, but everybody seems to keep their "basic" story in their original thread rather than move it.  That's my experience, anyhow.

As to eating, etc. Yep. Very common. Food; sleep; vague illnesses; depression; anxiety; desire to watch John Wayne movies while wearing a coonskin hat -- oh, wait, that might just be me . It's like the fine print at the bottom of some Rx drug ad (if you're American).

The Yetzer Hara will look for any new opening now that the old doors are shut. Something like a yellow jacket trying to get out of the trap and back into the sukkah. They say it passes -- but they also say that rattlesnake tastes just like chicken -- they may be right but I might never know .

Keep working, a bit less thinking. Just advice. It works for me. Ciao!

Dav said, "Keep working, a bit less thinking. Just advice. It works for me. Ciao!"


Hey Dov, I don't understand "a bit less thinking.  Just advice". I think I know what you mean but could you please spell it out for this am ha'aretz?

Hey Briut, you da eesh!  Always with info and encouragement
"desire to watch John Wayne movies while wearing a coonskin hat"...YOU TOO???!!! From the Davey Crocket mail in?  At least he wore a hat.  So it wasn't black. Nu!

So I just finished work.  Two goals for today.  First, to start practicing shmiras aynayim for serious.  I'm using the six-second eyes closed, and digging a fingernail into another finger method when I either second look or know I looked a little longer than a "couldn't help it" look.  I had to go into beverly hills and for the first time I noticed how unbelievably often my chest gets kind of electric, excited.  And the stuff is always out there, if not live then on billboards, storefront mannequins.  Whew.  Made it.  I think I better find another bank location.

Second goal is to install the K9 filter.  Now I'm computerally challenged, but I understand how important this is.  I'm going to install it here at work first and see what happens. 

So could someone please help me with this.  I put k9 on at home and my son goes to a kosher site (surf report) and it gets blocked.  He asks about it.  What do I say?

I'm off to k9

Thanks for all the contact guys.  I've always felt so alone.  I'm on day 5.  Davening showed a little promise this morning.  a little tiny kvel.  I'll take what He gives.  It's way better than waking up and not wanting to face Him.

Never mind, sorry. t really seems to me that what I posted was for another time. You are taking concrete actions of recovery amd asking for support with specific problems and concerns. That is the only approach that does me any good. Lots of folks (especially frum yidden) get bogged down nd distracted by cheshboinos and considerations. You seem to be content with concerning yourself with what to do next. I love that and thanks for the inspiration!

np, Dov.  Thanks.  Battle Plan:  I'm going to take my meds early tonight, go to bed early, and then I won't be able to sit at the computer. Maybe I won't be thinking about bagels during Shacharis, either. 

Maybe it's OK to just think about a single bagel....nu.

Wow! Welcome Home! as mentioned  already on the thread,we  can share some your frustration and pain. Everybody has different points which they fall to before the finally start climbing the ladder of recovery. Sounds like you' ve really been through a lot!

Computerly challenged.  went to k9 site, during setup (where they ask for the license) I put in a password I wouldn't remember.  ok, now I reboot and open the program itself.  When I open the program and go to "setup" (from within the now opened up k9 program) it asks me for a password.  But I thought I wasn't supposed to remember the password (that I made up during the setup stage of the program, not the "setup" option in the opened-up program).  So now I'm stuck cause I can't open up the setup for the program.  I hope I'm being clear about my confusion.

By the way.  This is a typical situation where I'm at risk of a fall.  I get confused and then worked up that I can't figure something out (strange how after p&m I can calmly go back and figure things out or get the resources I need without freaking out).  So I'm reaching out guys while I'm in the early stages of getting worked up.  I'm on day 6 and I need your help.