hey jamies!

i hope all is well. just sayin' that i'm rootin for ya! i'm also (hopefully) going off to yeshivah next year and i know that we both can make it through the 90 days and start the next academic year on a strong foot!

THANKYOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR ADVICE, IT REALLY DOES HELP AND HAS SHOWN ME A TOTALLY NEW PERSPECTIVE...

i will not make the decision yet and i understand your points clearly, and thankyou especially dov and yechiel for the advice!!! i just dont know if i am strong enough or in that place to make the hugeeee decision... but i have another problem (slighlty larger) which i will ask tommorow (going to sleep now), it may shed some more light on me as a person, and hopefully will mark a bigger turning point.

on a much brighter bardichever side.... today is 6!!! feeling weaker by the moment, but so determined, and my head is so clear... i even called up a friend before (recomineing this forum) - were very close so discuss this - and told him how being shmiras habris is really hopefully happeneing!!

shlomo - Be'ezrat HASHEM the new Yeshiva year will bring a whole new relm of learning for us with the new achioeved level, far from our sins...

layla tov brothers!

Hi Jamies,

Just checking in to cheer you on and to encourage you to keep on reaching out. You'll learn alot of new things and meet some great people, as I have. Your life will never be the same BE"H.

I'll be off the computer for a couple of days due to a trip, but one of the first things I'll look for when I get back is how Jaimies is doing. Hatzlacha Rabbah!

Hi Jamies....

Thanks for your post on my message regarding the inspiration you seemed to get to start this post....all i can say after reading all your posts is you have a remarkable talent of making people feel good about themselves, as a fellow Londoner, I am here with you man...I really feel with you.. i am on day 95 and the last few days have been almost as hard as the beginning, but together in this community i have found, as i see you have, the strength to help you through.

Regardsing the prom, i dont completely agree that you should just not go because you wont have anything to do with these people soon, what i do think, is you have to be completely honest with yourself about why you want to go, what you want to achieve, what will happen if you dont, and what could happen if you do.....good luck mate

I am here for you

I think that Andrewsh makes a good point - considering all the ramifications of your decision may help you gain clarity about what to do.

May I offer an alternate solution? Perhaps it would be possible for you to get together with your friends a day before, or after, the prom? You can hang out, have a barbecue, whatever, and just enjoy each other's company, without all the other distractions, and then, it will be a truly special goodbye!

thank you all so much for your advice on this issue... i am really appreciating and feeling so strongly a real sense of aware and being in this community!! about the prom.... im still unsure what i will do, deep down i do want to go and my school is so big (300 per year) a small bbq would be fun but not the big good bye, maybe im being a bit stubiorn, its just i will never see these poeple again so i want it to end nicely and dont think that i will regret it if im strong, will hold onto my tzitzit the whole eveing if i do gio, because the other religious people are not going maybe ill see them instead that night? but i will feel i missed out...ill see how HBH unfolds the situation for me....

i cant belive that tonight when i go to sleep i will have been free for 8 days!!!! i havent been this clean since i took summer camp and was surrounded by people 24/7!!

seriously without everyone here, even the giving chizuk i this wouldnt have happened...

look forward to speaking to you when your back brother... i WONT LET YOU DOWN!!!!

also andrew, yesterday i was home alomne revising biology (and the specific topic was not the best thing for an addict to be studying) i was feeling very worried and had not set up my accountability software which -  sends emails to one opf my Rabbis of the sights i go on -  yet, your comment kep me smiling thoroguht the day, it meant more than you know and kept me tough, cheers!
anyway back to work, i keep on meaning to tell but will need to tell tommorow the sitution i need advice on, its about shomer negia, i already know everyones answer but ill explain the intricacies tommorw, to give a true idea and understanding (dont worry though i dont have a girlfriend, its more just giving a hug hello...but will explin the hasgcho what made me see it differently tommorw)!!!

i cant beliove ivve climbed so high!!! thankyou

Hi Jamies....you are a good man with your head really screwed on right! You are in the right place...I am so glad i can help....especially a londoner...we should stick together us brits, we have a slightly different perspective then our fellow yanks here!

Anyway always here for you....keep strong, if you have gmail chat account let me know...study well!

Andrew

thanks andrew!!

true, true..
i have a gmail email adress but dont really know how to use it but will hoepfuly set it up soon btw im a spurs fan??!

today is the hardest yet, its my ninth day, i really cant beliove how far along i am, but doing maths revision wich is my best subject but etting very frustrated at forgetting the formulas as havent done it for a long time!!1

ill hope fully stay stong, but am feeling slightly more weak and went on acebook before (pherhaps a very big mistake!)

You are doing great...wel besides for the spurs supporting..but as a good jewish boy i suppose you had no choice.

Facebook especially the pics and chat can be well dangerous.......from experience.

Maths......lucky you. Good luck stay strong. if you get Gmail-talk messanger working, let me know as im in the office all day.

Have a clean day

Please remember to go one day at a time. When things get difficult, when you feel a bit weak, focus on that. Just for today. I actually wrote a post recently on my thread, quoting Briut, that touches on this point - you should check it out.

I'm glad to hear that things are going well by you!

woww!!!
thanksso much for that... a totally new perspective... like if C'VSHALOM i were to die tommorow, would i want to go to shamayim with that nlack mark on my soul....

thanks

feelling abit stronger and cant use mty computer for anything that dodgy os it email my rabbi what i go on!!!

but still feeling it a bit more than before today, a link even came uop before for wallpapers and i clicked on it knowing there would definatly be some dody picts,, for some reason it was taking long to load and im quite impatient so i clicked off of it!! BH, I know understand what the ramban said when all almost all middos except anger and ego can be used for good, even impatience!!!

il keep gopoing, and PLEASE, WITH SIATA DESMAYIA, break through!!!

today, so far has been the hardest day, i am quite scared for tommrow, now but itll be my 10th day!!! like a dream come true, i dont know if i should go to bed reight now or revise some morw, i feel i have to but cant concentate so my mind justn wanders to alot worse things

i am also going to start jogging before scahrit which wil clear my mind for the day, do some hitoboddedot (literal converstation to the Creater of the univers) and get prepared for the day a head

pherhaps ill go to sleep soon, facebooks been very distrarcting cos my rabbi gets the emails of sights i go on so i dont think hed mind that (as much as other things) but ive been provoking myself...maybe ill just read for a bit

also i gave my ipod (which has direct internet acess) to my rabbi today, a big step because i would now need to use my parents or sisters comupter to the bad stuff and the screen of my dads faces the door so can onyl use home alone, and my sister would kill me, and that would be really wierd so i wouldnt!

kol tuv and pray for me to stay strong tonight!!!

im really impessed by you ,you sent me a long chizut note ,then i read your thread and realized that your probaly going through just as bad a battle if not harder.
by the way im also from london but live in israel.

Wow - truly impressive! I'm glad that you're enjoying it, and feel good about being clean - it's important to remember that every day is worthy of celebrating!

Actually, a little before that post, I quoted Briut - and his point was a bit more positive  - forget about dying, what about when moshiach comes? No more temptation, and so, no more opportunity to grow! This may be your last opportunity to grow, it's like being at a carnival, and there's only a few minutes left, you want to get as many tickets as you can (l'havdil)!

jamie wrote on 26 May 2010 19:42:


Dear Jamie,

Please accept this in a loving way: Every time you post the phrase "stay strong", I want to share with you that I see the issue a different way. So here goes...
For me the issue is insanity. Expecting my life to go well while I follow a derech (lust and self-absorption) that has only led me to misery, is just plain nuts. Insane, if you will. To believe that pursuing lust is in my very best interest, is nuts, too. And that is exactly what I will be feeling should I pursue lust. I may realize "Uh-oh, this is bad..." but the very fact that I would go ahead and pursue it anyway is proof positive to me that I deeply accept that I need it. That is, that it is in my best interest in some way right now.

Nuts.

(BTW, my conclusion was based on a lesson I learned from Rav Noach Weinberg, zt"l)

OK. So instead of being strong, I want Hashem to help me be clear. "Clarity or death", as one of my rebbis used to say. Da'as (unlike chochma which is like a flash, or bina which is just a process) is an awareness that is in you - or not. Like how we are aware that it is Shabbos and do not even reach for the light switch (after a while, for BTs).

And that awareness is what is mavdil between success and failure in this battle for our very lives. As they say, "im ein da'as, havdoloh minayin?".