Go Jamie, go!
And Danny
And 1daat
and .....
well,
everyone!

Hi Jaime,

Just checking in to see how you are doing. As I see in my own life, I will have to get to recovery eventually, Hashem won't let me continue on my own (un)merry way, so why not now? I hope you're good and I'll let you know when Duvid Chaim is starting his group again as soon as I know.

hiya all, and thanks for your comments, im doing good thanks yeichel, hows  your end going!
BH IM BACK had a sour spot for a couple of weeks, i was lean but struggling hard and after my fall last friday ive decided to stay dedicated to the sight, i can nly get by with the brothers in arms (and 7up!)

im nearing the end of my exam period so leaving school soon, will be beter because will not be boarded at home all day, also im trying to get a job for 3 weeks - if any londers want to offer one im happy to do anything which will give me spending money for yeshivba!

i realsied why i fell and why i fall in general, boardem is a factor but the biggie is shimras enayim and particularly p@&n, the last time i fell was after my maths exam and my eyes were wondering alot in the hot exam hall with alot o inapropriatly dressed girls! i went to the  ikva starit away but should have gone later becvacue i was boarded at home aftereward, and got my aircut so was out of mikva shabbos mentallity, then i found my old ipod touch (my new one i gve to my rabbi) whihc i forgot about, convinced myself that i needed to see the updates on my fav p sight (wow thats hard to say, im so familar i hgave my fav sights) and then it was a down hill tumble to devistation, BH shabbos picked me up, with in mind what nguyob told me "if your oiver an avera and you cant get up and daven your not a real chassid" im just a bneri akiva kid, no chasid but were all yidden...

anyway, got only chemisrt left an its on monday so stuck at home today revising redox, transition metals and arenes, fun fun fun,

taking a break later to watch england hopefully not embaress themselves, but generally feeling strong, esapecilly because last night i found a artneer in nguyob, were gunna talkl atleast once a day by phone, which i think saved me last night as i was browing my ipod whihc i havent given to my rav yet (seeing him tonight thpou)

speak soon, and trhanks for all of your ongoing support, TRULEY APPRECIATED AND LOVED!

DAY 5...

Keep on going.  Every day further is another day of clarity.

thanks sci,

yesterday was the first day i properly read the level 1 achivers email, itr said only concerntrate on doing everything yu can to stay clean TODAY, now i truly understand 1 d a a t!

and i BH am trying,

i added an extra 20 pund to mine and dannys bet so its now 120 if you fall, its an amazing deterrent but i still dont feel 100%, pherhaps when i get to shabos ill feel better but am struggling quite a lot over the past few days,iw atched an provoking interview yesterday and felt awful afterwaRDS, BH only a slip but its a slippery slope and im finding myself using all my enrgy to stay just balanced, i need help to put these stabilisers back on and ensure solid balance once more, because i feel thats the only way to freedome, a trip will eventually make u fall, howver, with support and strength and clarity of mind its alot better, all of whihc im lacking t present....

All the best to you Jamie. I am also finding it very hard to stay clean and also focused, cos if i understand correctly: it's not enough to avoid lust, ok that would be the first and foremost step, but then also to truly gain a new way of thinking. To give your will over to Him and start really trusting Him. Then we will not be heavy anymore. I think this is what I found in the handbook, hm? Please could you correct me if I am mistaken!!!

Hey, congrats on the win 1:0 to Slovenia, it was a great game!

been alot better today...my partner is amazing...the system is so good!!

need to rush off, seeing as ive FINSIHEDDD EXAMSSSS!!!!

got lots to o but BH wil be on gye alot more, unless i try and stay away from the internet which looks likely, 1 day at a time... and today is 9!!!1

thanks guys, ill keep on trecking an feel okay at the mo... going bretn cross now, (yeshiva shopping)

fell clean but will need to keep my head DOWNNNN

ill keep you updated

kol tuv!

Glad to hear that you're still doing well, and growing!

As an aside, I recently heard a response from Rabbi Zev Leff regarding someone who wanted to know how to do tshuva for aveiros in these areas - Rabbi leff's response was that he should do the same tshuva he'd do for other aveiros - stop doing it, make a firm commitment to not do it again, regret it, and say vidduy.